Ya know, I yammer on about a lot of controversial topics here. But if you want to really piss people off, talk about martinis err bradfords sans vermouth plus olive.

Greg couldn’t help himself.

Heh: The moral of this story is, if you don’t like Martinis, then just call it a Vodka Rocks with olives and be done with it

So, Greg tells you how he makes a martini. LawDog does the same.

Robb offers his $0.02. Heh.

To say I like my martinis dry is an understatement. My recipe is simple. And my friends will attest that this is the recipe I follow:

Put three olives (good ones, not cheap ones – all preference really) on a toothpick. Stick said toothpick into a cocktail glass.

In a cocktail mixer, add ice and vodka of choice (I go with Grey Goose). I use vodka because gin tastes like ass err Pine-Sol. Look at mixer and say the word vermouth. Shake. Pour into glass over olives.

There you go.

So, tonight we got some friends over and we’re doing a beer butt chicken (more here). But that’s all preliminary as me and said male friend will get up at 0 early thirty and smoke about 55 pounds of Boston butts. And we’ll drink beer from about 0 early thirty until said butts are done.

Mmmm. I do like butts of all kinds.

Update: BTW, all this butt talk has Junior confused. We’ve told her that butt is a bad word. So, whenever I reference a butt she reminds me we don’t say that because it’s a bad word.

Chris tells you how to pan fry a steak. On occasions when I cannot grill, I’ve found that a broiler pan and the broil setting on the oven works quite well.

While we’re discussing food, Loubie Bzeit looks very good though unpronounceable.

Ya know, when it comes to cooking, I’m a firm believer that bacon makes things better. But I may have found an exception: Bacon Mints.

Uhm, Ok.

The Uncle clan survived round one.

What to do with a turkey carcass? Make stock. I do that too. It’s awesome. And Turkeyocaust? Why not a carrotcaust?

These are the cries of the carrots.

They do seem popular lately. I’ve always enjoyed them myself. Now that they’re popular, they’ve doubled in price at the local grocery store. And there’s all kinds of pomegranate juices these days. Here’s a handy tip on how to prepare them.

Also, don’t rule out the juice you buy at the store. Mix a bit of juice with vodka for Pometini (yummy) and (my favorite for a refreshing summer drink) is to mix some juice with a bit of vodka, a little sugar, and some carbonated water over ice for a pomegranate spritzer. Garnish with an orange slice.

At GBR, I mentioned Fried Coke. No one believed me. Well, looky from Yahoo’s main page.

Discovered this recipe this weekend and love it. Thought I’d share. It’s a Korean dish and it is a very light soup. You’ll need:

1 clove of minced garlic
5 green onions chopped – white and thick green part only
1 tablespoon of olive oil
1/4 cup of rice wine vinegar (cooking sherry will do in a pinch)
4 tablespoons of soy sauce
1 teaspoon sesame oil
5 or so cups of chicken stock
1 pound of fresh, clean spinach
2 cans of chopped clams – drained (you can use fresh but they weren’t in season)

In a pot, add the oil and saute the garlic for a minute or two. Add four of the five green onions and saute another minute. Add the rice wine vinegar, soy sauce, and the sesame oil. Stir until it’s adequately mixed. Add the stock and bring to a low boil. Add clams and spinach and cook until spinach is cooked (about 10 minutes).

Garnish with your remaining chopped onions.

Mmm, tasty and fast.

Update: disagreement on using sherry in lieu of rice wine vinegar. It’s what I’ve heard but I always have the rice wine at home. Also, you can make it without the clams or substituting a variety of greens. Still, yummy.

But I have found a way to improve the world’s greatest sandwich: add a slice of onion.

Making Italian subs. Simple:

Grill some Italian sausages (hot for me, mild for The Mrs.)

Put them on a bun and add some of your favorite leftover spaghetti sauce, some mozzarella cheese, and some fresh basil. Onions optional.

Speaking of grilling

Smoking a couple of Boston Butts today. Here’s how. The night before, buy some butts, remove them from the package, run water over them then dab with a paper towel to remove excess moisture. Do not remove the fat. It adds moisture and prevents burning in the event your fire gets out of control. Make your rub. Here’s mine (I use rough percentages because who knows how much you’ll make):

30% Brown sugar
10% Kosher salt
10% Garlic powder
10% Mustard powder
5% Cumin
5% Cinnamon
10% Paprika
10% Chili powder
10% Red pepper (powder, not flakes)

And some fresh ground black pepper to taste.

As you can see, it’s largely brown sugar. Next, rub your butt. Well, rub the, err, rub on the meat. You can even slap your butt a few times for good measure. Do both sides. Place them in a large dish, cover in foil and place it in the fridge over night. This lets the rub really sink in. While your at it, take some mesquite or hickory logs or chunks and place them in a bucket. Cover with water and let them sit over night as well.

The next day, get up and make a fresh pot of coffee (this will be important later). Have a cup or two. Then, fire up the smoker. I like to use charcoal and add my soaked wood chunks every couple of hours. The soaked chips make a lot more smoke.

Now, take one 12oz can of your favorite beer and pour it into a bowl. Add roughly equal parts vinegar and the left over coffee you just enjoyed. Add a bout 1/4 cup of minced garlic to that. This stuff works wonders at both keeping your butts moist and adding a tangy garlicky flavor. Once your smoker settles between about 250-300 degrees (never over 300), put your big butt on there. About once every half hour, I take about a quarter cup of the beer/coffee/vinegar mixture and just pour it over the top of that big ol’ butt. I cook my butts for between 7-12 hours while drinking beer, and lounging around. An empty beer is a good reminder to go and pour some mixture over your butts.

Here we are about three hours in.

Yum. Notice they’re dark from the rub, which is now starting to crisp up a bit. After about 7-12 hours, sample a piece. If satisfied, remove from smoker, chop up or pull apart. Use your favorite mop sauce to have barbecue sandwiches or pulled pork. Also, if you buy one, you may as well buy 2 or 3. You can freeze any leftovers and they’ll keep for months.

ETA: And the garden shovel is to remove coals as needed.

ETA 2: And I rarely flip mine. If I do, I do it once about half way through.

Mmm, corned beef.

You can call it chili with beans but you cannot call it chili.

I could give my chili with beans recipe but just listing the ingredients will cause your cholesterol to rise by 10 points.

Tilapia.

Chris is right: real Chili has no beans. But I don’t call it Chili Bean Stew. I call it Chili with beans.

Lentil soup.

Aunt B. says broccoli cheese soup makes her happy. Well, here’s my recipe, which is easy, fast and tasty:

super easy, fast and tasty

2 cups frozen or fresh chopped broccoli

1 medium onion, diced

1/4 cup flour

1 to 2 cups milk depending on desired thickness

14ish ounces of chicken stock (homemade or from a can)

Pepper to taste

1 cup of grated American cheese (or Velveeta – am I the only one concerned about a dairy product that isn’t refrigerated at the grocery store?)

In a large pot, bring to light boil onions, broccoli and chicken broth. Reduce heat and simmer for 8 or so minutes. In bowl, combine flour, pepper and milk mixture. Stir milk/flour mixture into broth/veggie mixture. Stir regularly for several minutes to allow mixture to thicken.

After mixture has thickened, gradually stir in cheese. Cook until all cheese melts. Good stuff!

Can be substituted for shoe polish for a short time.

No, the other kind. Company coming, so I did some cooking. Politically Incorrect Dog is always up for camera time:

My yard looks like shit. The crab grass is still winning.

But some perfect ribs:

I hear some folks like the baby backs. Not me. I like my ribs to have enough meat that you bite into them and taste, you know, meat. So, I use plain old pork ribs. Actually, I personally prefer beef ribs but I am apparently the only one on the planet that does so I make concessions for guests.

Yeah, they’re good too. I’ll take the Pepsi challenge with any of ya.

Update: Junior concurs:

Well, you have to love a recipe that starts with Open an ice cold beer.

I love mangos. Here’s a handy guide on how to cut them.

Barbeque

No, not a gun. A mint julep. Mmmm, julep.

I use some old glass jars with bail wires or old olive oil bottles with wider mouths on them but a clean sterile mason jar or mayo jar should work fine

Slice and dice up nicely a green or red bell pepper and an onion(yellow is best). Until they are about the size of the side of an individual die(dice). I made a mistake once of slicing thin french fry size cuts of bell once and getting them out of the dang jar was a major pain, so make sure the cut pieces will slide out when aged.

Then hand mix equal parts and pack into your jars. After adding two good tablespoons full of pickling salt(non-iodized) fill with hot cider vinegar(standard white vinegar will work). Cap and then let them set for two months or more.

After draining most of the vinegar add the seasoning according to taste to the dried beans in your crockpot or bean pot. I normally add about one full cup of this type of seasoning to 2 pounds of brown beans or a package of 15 bean soup bean mix. It is all to taste here people.

The aged/pickled aromatic add a nice kick to the pot of beans and is easily noticeable. You can get a good pot of beans with fresh onions and peppers but I find that this quick pickling of them adds a whole new realm of flavor in the finished product.

I use three variants.

1 the standard as mentioned above
2 one good banana or Jalopeno diced and added per two pint is also good
3 Minced Garlic according to taste

I have four bottles aging as I write this. It makes a pot of dried beans have a nice flavor when you might be tired of just adding the standard ham flavor or ham hock.

At home with Junior all day, one of the things I feel obligated to do in my role as stay-at-home-dad (which will be permanent in a week) is to make dinner. We’re having bacon cheeseburgers and not any pre-packaged burgers either. Real meat ground from a cow who was alive three days ago that I got from some farmer friends. Anyway, I just put kosher salt on the bacon and I felt dirty.

And since I’m making burgers, thought I’d share:

1 pound of ground beef – not that low fat stuff either, if you use low fat you have to add egg and bread crumbs to make the patties stick. Use full fat to bypass burgers that taste like meat loaf.
1/2 cup Worcestershire
2 table spoons ground mustard
2 table spoons of minced garlic
4 table spoons of barbecue sauce
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix in a bowl. Pat into 3/4 inch thick patties. Cook on the grill or (like I’m doing since it’s winter) broil for 15 – 20 minutes. Pan fried burgers kinda suck since they don’t cook even. Remove from oven. I add cooked bacon and cheese then put them back in the oven for a couple of minutes. Yum.

And if you happen to like low fat burgers, put your skirt on before coming to my house.

I’m with Chuck, infra-red grills take the fun out of grilling. May as well microwave it. As a bonus, here’s a Korean barbecue marinade recipe I use on beef ribs:

1 cup of soy sauce
1/2 cup of rice wine vinegar
2 tablespoons minced garlic
splash of powdered ginger
Korean red pepper powder (to taste – I use a tablespoon or two)
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 chopped green onions
1 tablespoon sesame seed oil

Mix together and marinate your beef short ribs for a few hours before grilling. Yummy.

In the event you have not tried the new Peanut Butter Creme Double Stuff Oreos, you need to stop what you’re doing right now and head to the store to get some. And pick up some milk while you’re there. I’m not kidding. They’re that good.

Update: Even if that means taking the day off from work. Seriously, go now.

Rocket Jones has the latest Carnival of the Recipes.

You ever been to a Japanese steak house and had the hibachi sauce? It’s sort of tastes like it’s based on mayo. Anyone know how to make it?

Somebody paid $41,000 for a fungus. Is it just me, or is that insane? At least the money went to charity.