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Dear Gunnie Internet

Or Uncle does a flame-bait post just before stepping away from the internets.

Look, I like you people. I really do. But you say some really dumb things some times. Or at least things you’ve not thought through. I do it too. There are only about two handfuls of people whose opinions on guns I take seriously. Odds are, you’re not one of them. Too many years reading arfcom, I guess. This is not a complete list.

See, you tell me things like In a gun fight, having a laser or light on your gun is going to give away your position. I’m not a tacticool operator covertly operating in operations in some place ending in -stan. So if I’m in a gun fight, I’m not worried about giving away my position because I’m in a fucking gun fight. On the off chance I’m in a gun fight, my enemies will know my position since it will be the place the bullets are coming from.

Guns break. Guns malfunction. It’s how it is. I have had malfunctions out of every gun I own except one. And that is the M&P9. It’s only not malfunctioned because I haven’t shot it enough. I will note that after many thousands of rounds, I can no longer say my Glock 30 hasn’t had any malfunctions. Had it’s first in August when it struck a primer too light. It was when I had a visitor.

And stop about magazine springs and keeping them loaded. Compression cycles do more to damage springs than keeping them compressed. I’ve never had a magazine that I’ve stored loaded go Tango Uniform because the spring wore out. I view magazines as perishable/disposable items anyway. And springs are cheap. If it makes you feel better, buy springs in bulk and change them every couple years.

I know pocket carry sucks. But it’s how you carry a gun when you can’t carry a gun.

Unless you’re willing to shoot yourself to prove the point, please stop telling me the 9mm/.380/5.56/40/SacredCow sucks. I don’t want to get shot with any of them. And you don’t either. We carry handguns because they’re easier to lug around than something effective at stopping people, like rifles or pet rhinos.

Guns are personal things. And I’m happy you like your 1911/Glock/Sig/S&W. But that doesn’t mean my 1911/Glock/Sig/S&W sucks. If you want to say one is better, great. But realize it’s likely preference that decides what you carry anyway.

Despite the last paragraph, some guns do actually suck. And despite what you read in a magazine that gets ad revenue, not every gun is the greatest thing ever.

Yeah, I know a silencer doesn’t completely silence a gun. But the guy who invented the things called them silencers. He gets dibs. And you don’t.

No matter how awesome you tell me gun classes with “Big Boy” rules are, I’ll never set foot in one. I like to start and end days with the same number of holes in me as I started with.

No, I don’t really think there’s going to come a time when we have to go into the woods with our guns and gear and MREs and fight zombies. But anyone who didn’t learn a thing or two from Katrina won’t be ready when a flood hits. This whole zombie apocalypse, face-eating monkeys, robot Joe Biden army nonsense is a euphemism for general preparedness. And if you’re ready for the zombie apocalypse, a hurricane is just a storm.

And I don’t mean you, I mean the other guy.

Happy Friday.

Update: Oh and, thank you, I know my proofreading sucks. Because I don’t do any.

84 Responses to “Dear Gunnie Internet”

  1. A Critic Says:

    “I know pocket carry sucks.”

    What? Pocket carry is great!

  2. dustydog Says:

    Wah! Sob, sniffle. I’m writing emails to every company that advertises on your blog to say you were mean to me and threatening a boycott. Well, except for Amazon and the cufflink guy of course.

  3. Tam Says:


    I used to carry a pet Rhino, but he outgrew the holster and to be honest, he printed on my t-shirt in the summer really bad.

    Please let us know the mailing address to which we can ship the internets you just won. 😀

  4. Hartley Says:

    Hey, you got a light strike with your G30? I have a very high-mileage G21 that used to do that, so I replaced the striker spring (it was noticeably stretched)and it hasn’t done it since. So I replaced the one in my G30 just because (and it’s cheep)..:)

  5. greg Says:

    Me=applauding you. This is why I try to stop here every day.

  6. Bubblehead Les Says:

    Back in the 1996 Gun Digest, Bob Bell wrote an article about the 1911 he brought back from WW2. He discovered he had a magazine that was loaded 50 years prior, and wondered if it would shoot. Worked just fine.

    Best way to deal with magazines, in my opinion, is to take them to the range and empty them in practice. Other wise, treat them like Triggers and keep your Booger Removal Tool off them. Also applies to Speed Loaders.

    BTW, if Guns didn’t break, why are there Gunsmiths and Armorers?

    FWIW, last night I had Dinner and Fellowship with 3 Gunnie Bloggers you’ve met and shared Adult Beverages with in the past, and if they weren’t carrying in a pocket holster, they couldn’t carry. Trust me, way too easy to “make” a Gunnie in that local.

    As to the Zombie Apocalypse, I have a 1995 Chevy PickUp 4×4 I got cheap a few years back, because I live in the Snowbelt. It was painted in a Horrible Shade of Green 16 years ago by GM. A couple of weeks ago, while doing some errands, some guy stopped me in the Parking Lot and asked how much it cost me to get the Truck Painted “Zombie Killer Green.” I explained to him how I got it, but if he really wanted that color, I’m sure the info is out there on the Web, and he could go to Maaco. The Irony is, the Truck is my “BugOut Vehicle” Just In Case.

    Enough for now. Have a Good Weekend.

  7. MJM Says:

    Classic SayUncle post, complete with laughs and good advice. My favorites: why you do not worry about a laser-light sight giving away your position, and having to remind someone that the Zombie invasion thing is a fun lesson that chaos–by definition–happens suddenly, and mostly, it’s self-inflicted. Thanks

  8. Crawler Says:

    When my Light Sabre finally arrives, I’ll be critiquing everyone’s choice of firearm, caliber and accessories…

  9. Sid Says:

    I read this aloud to my pet rhino and he giggled.

  10. Matt in AZ Says:

    “Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.” is the motto and I totally agree that this will entertain you. Dude, you have a loyal following but you trying too hard, just do us a favor and link to some cool ish and STFU and maybe I’ll use your link to Amazon to make you some munny. Totally jumped the the shark smooth the eff out the pool. Me, I just went “right click, delete from favorites” and poof your gone. Dude, you so wanna be TTAG but your thoughts are not relevant for the most part and you link to other cooler blogs that I just add to my daily routine. You blogged yourself outta job sucka.

    Was that enough flame? Or did I misread your request?

  11. workinwifdakids Says:

    You just offered up all their sacred cows to a village of bestiality buffs.

  12. sayuncle Says:

    Lol @ matt. Internet serious business

  13. ExurbanKevin Says:

    BlueWaters, “Big Boy Rules” is essentially firearms training with student downrange.

    SuperDuperCustom 1911 in UltraDoom .799

    Meh, the SuperDuperCustom 1911 in UltraDoom .840 is better. It’s got the number “4” in the caliber, and that’s always good.

  14. fucema Says:

    umadbro 🙂

  15. BlueWaters Says:

    Thank you ExurbanKevin. Wow…

  16. Jeff from DC Says:

    Im just glad you didn’t crap on 10mm, the best round ever invented. I open carry two of those at all time with dual 44automags as backups in an unclemike shoulder holster.

  17. jim Says:

    There are three of four things in that little essay that could qualify as quotes of the day. Anyway, I laughed out loud. Thank you.

  18. JscottNH Says:

    We plead Not Guilty on all counts… We
    Love You Man… Keep up the amazing work…

    The Silent Majority of Grateful Fans

  19. SayUncle Says:

    the best round ever invented

    While I’m slaughtering sacred cows: no, too much recoil for your average cop. Was doomed to failure because people who should know how to shoot limpwrist their heaters. And for those folks who can shoot, they’re just not fun to put more than a few mags through, assuming you have the proper loads and not that crap you buy on the shelf.

    See, this is fun! 😀

  20. Tam Says:

    “Taurus91” (if that is your name),

    Yeah, because that was a PRODUCT NAME, dummy. Silencer is the name of the product he sold; a supressor is the type he sold.

    Seriously, this makes me doubt the intelligence of the average gun owner.

    I’d pay good money to watch you try to order a muffler for your Honda in Britain.

    You’d probably stamp your foot so hard that the tape would come right off your glasses as you mewled “It doesn’t actually silence the exhaust, now does it?” in your little Professor Frink voice.

  21. Chuck Kuecker Says:

    10mm and limp-wristing?

    When my girls were learning, all I had in autos was my Glock 20. Both of them, petite teens, had no problem with the recoil or getting their shots on target, one handed.

    When I bought my G19 and let them try it, they had tons of stovepipes unless they braced with both hands.

    I have no experience with any other 10mm pistol, so can’t speak further.

    Great post! Sacred cow is delicious!

  22. FatWhiteMan Says:

    Nice post–fanboys can be quite entertaining if tedious.

    I was a little disappointed that you forgot the whole “don’t carry brand ‘x’ ammo or type “y” bullets because if you have to defend yourself with it the prosecutor is going to have a ‘field day'” discussions. I wonder what a “prosecutor field day” is like anyway?

  23. El Bombardero Says:

    Right the fuck on.

  24. Chris L. Says:

    Bravo buddy, Bravo!!

  25. Zermoid Says:

    Sounds like you’ve been having a week like mine, welcome to “FedtheF**kupville”!

    Population about 4 million….

  26. mikee Says:

    My son played a first person shooter online game where the Red Army fought the German Army on the Eastern Front. He spent an inordinate amount of time online, because you could create your own scenarios and play them with your friends, each on their own computer.


    I got him a Tula Mosin 44 and a giant can of 40 rounds of Hungarian corrosive ammo, and took him to the range. We each decided 10 shots was enough. The game did not show the fireballs or bruise the shooters’ shoulders or deafen them.

    His game-based reality was destroyed. And he got better grades the next semester.

  27. McThag Says:

    Not one mention of the sound a shotgun makes?

    Or how you don’t have to aim them?

    Fail. You were doing so well too.

  28. Critter Says:

    somebody needs to flame rubber band guns or that weird german guy with his machete throwing slingshots.

  29. Old NFO Says:

    Great post 🙂

  30. Jerry Says:

    I tote a machete throwing slingshot in an ankle holster, and I have a .845 in my underwear. It’s ‘kinda sad, really.

  31. Bram Says:

    I know my aversion to lasers and lights isn’t logical.

    The Marines hammered light-discipline into my head – hard! Anybody in the Infantry before night-vision goggles became common probably has the same problem.

    I drive my wife nuts. I won’t even bring a flashlight when I walk the dog at night as it would degrade my night-vision.

  32. Blake Says:

    As much as I hate the recent developments on the internet, I feel sorry for most of the gunnie trolls. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their comments are, and now every man and his dog now hates their ass.

    Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their internet access.


    and seriously, what are you going to do if the gunnie trolls ignore you!?

  33. Brad K. Says:

    I am not a gunny. But it seems to me the best tool is the one available, that you know how to use. Hammer, handgun, rifle, whatever. Knowing how to use it well, having it at hand, makes it the best tool at the time.

    “Better” and “Not good enough” are topics for planning and training, not for addressing the issue at hand.

    I enjoyed “Shaun of the Dead”. Dibbita dibbita dibbita. But I am much more concerned about a rabid skunk. I think the solutions to either are about the same thing, except I don’t want to face the skunk with a bat (like I watched my grandfather do).

  34. Robert Slaughter Says:

    (cue applause)

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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