Lifetime
With the pregnancy, the Mrs. is spending more time watching television. Unfortunately, she’s spending a lot of time watching Lifetime and the movies that are made by Lifetime.
The basic premise of these made for Lifetime movies is pretty simple. Get some former TV starlet (like Markie Post), cast her as some ultra-successful type. Add a bad man and an extraordinarily unrealistic plot (that either involves abuse or murder), and you have a a Lifetime movie. All the plots boil down to this: Women = Good; Men = Bad. Lifetime slogan is Television for Women. Here are my choices for what it’s slogan should be:
Lifetime: Television that sucks!
Lifetime: Television for people with unrealistic world views.
Lifetime: Television so bad, it’s good.
Lifetime: Television for idiots.
Lifetime: What do you do?
Lifetime: We’re not even trying.
Lifetime: Men are evil, except the gay ones.
Lifetime: No, we’re serious.
Lifetime: We have unrealistic solutions to your unrealistic problem.
Lifetime: Scaring the shit out of affluent, white women for 20 years.
Update: One more:
Lifetime: Well, it’s not Oprah.
June 13th, 2004 at 1:23 pm
Saturday Night Life rarely parodies anyone for being too knee-jerk liberal, and they are almost never funny. Yet, last fall, with John McCain as the guest star, they did a spoof of Lifetime that accomplished both. That should tell you something.
As for me, I find the drama so cheesy and so annoying that I can’t even be in the same room when Mrs. Xrlq has it on. So my slogan for the channel is “Lifetime: Television to Repel Men.”
June 13th, 2004 at 1:54 pm
I call it the man-haters network 😉
June 13th, 2004 at 3:34 pm
I thought they called it “Lifetime” because any time spent watching it was time out of your life you’ll never get back.
June 13th, 2004 at 4:33 pm
My wife refers to it as the “Angry Women in Peril Network.”
June 13th, 2004 at 4:46 pm
Concurrence from the female side!
And have you gentlemen heard about the “Lifetime PJ Parties” yet? Honest. A small group of otherwise mature women (adults at least) gather for a Liftime Marathon. Guaranteed to include women who are “eye glazing” specialists! When invited, I always try to schedule a root canal instead.
June 13th, 2004 at 6:05 pm
Ah, so you’ve discovered the wonders of The Estrogen Channel.
I’ve always wondered what the reaction would be if it showed a movie where the woman took responsibility for her own defense instead of being portrayed as the helpless victim of circumstance. Then again it’s been years since I’ve watched anything on that channel so perhaps they’re doing that? (yeah right)
June 13th, 2004 at 6:35 pm
Here’s another gal who hates that network. Really, it’s just awful television and that it’s so clearly anti-men makes it worse.
For the record, they rarely make their own movies – all of those movies were originally run on the major networks back in the 80s and 90s, when those b-list actresses were sort of popular because of the sitcoms they were on at the time.
As I noted to someone earlier, Oxygen isn’t much better, but it’s watchable, sort of.
June 14th, 2004 at 10:15 am
Wait until she starts watching the “Special Delivery” and “Babies in distress” shows, I think they are on a dicovery channel.
Story after story of pregnancy complications.
My wife watched that everyday, and it was on as I came home from work.
Worst off she had seen every episode, multiple times, and STILL watched them!
I feel for you man, all I can say is make sure there is atleast one door between your computer and the main TV she watches.
June 14th, 2004 at 1:39 pm
Wifetime: the Man-Hater’s Channel.
June 14th, 2004 at 3:57 pm
I prefer to call it “FWC” — the F___ing Woman Channel.
Not very liberal or PC of me, eh? 🙂
Next time The Onion runs TV listings, check out their listings for Lifetime.
June 14th, 2004 at 4:06 pm
My wife’s nicknames for the various women’s cable networks:
“A LIFETIME Without Men”
“WE Hate Men”
“OH! How We Hate Men”
June 14th, 2004 at 6:35 pm
Lifetime: Noble women and the men who abuse them…
June 16th, 2004 at 12:30 am
We often refer to it as “The Victim Channel.”
June 13th, 2004 at 1:26 pm
Lifetime Haters Unite
I cannot be in the same room as a television set that is running “Lifetime: Television for Women.” My preferred slogan is “Lifetime: Television to Repel Men.” Uncle has many more.
September 8th, 2004 at 4:04 pm
[…]
Oprah can kiss my ass
|By SayUncle|
Oprah Winfrey and Lifetime (Television that sucks) make a lot of money scaring the shit out of affluent white women. […]