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27 ways to be a modern man:

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesnt own one, and he never will.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

Anyone taking advice on being a man from that piece, egad.

30 Responses to “Endarkenment”

  1. Zendo Deb Says:

    The hashtag #modernman was yielding some pretty funny stuff yesterday? or the day before on Twitter….

  2. BenC Says:

    see Larry Corrieas fisk here

  3. Adam Lawson Says:

    To add, I liked Ed’s counter list:

  4. MAJMike Says:

    To me a “modern man” has an EoTech weapons sight on his HK91.

  5. Critter Says:

    The author of this piece should immediately have his trousers pulled down in public so we can ascertain whether or not he wears frilly pink undies.

  6. The Jack Says:

    Just try to square #25 with “16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.”

    So…. the modern man *specifically* modifies his sleeping habits so to better confront a violent intruder…

    But absolutely refuses to own a gun?

    Right… I’m sure the “modern man’s” spouse appreciates that symbolic gesture.

  7. Don Says:

    Uh,…no, wait…the gentleman is telling a joke, yes?

  8. Mike Says:

    28. The modern man has a vagina

  9. Divemedic Says:

    The modern man knows that “filet” is a cut of meat, and a “fillet” is not.
    The modern man recognizes that “Wu Tang” is a Rap group from 1992, and is not music.
    The modern man doesn’t care who the director of a film is, and has to use Google to look up “Michael Mann” before realizing that most of his movies were crap.

  10. JTC Says:

    Could have saved himself a lot of words just by captioning the personthing in that Coach ad, “My Ideal”.

  11. nk Says:

    This just makes me want to cross my arms, stamp my foot, and grimace.

  12. Mr Evilwrench Says:

    Man, I’m not usually like this, but this “modern man” is just asking me for an atomic wedgie.

  13. Jim Says:

    In fairness, my father told me that it was alright for a man to cry-in a locked bathroom with the shower going full blast ” Never let ’em see you sweat” he said

  14. Windy Wilson Says:

    So, this explains Bruce– I mean what’s its name — Caitlyn Jenner

  15. HL Says:

    Clearly this is satire. The New York Times has become The Onion.

  16. HL Says:

    Lol, While watching this, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the author of of the 27 ways…

  17. Richard Says:

    26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

    I guess John Boehner is a modern man.

  18. HL Says:

    27. The Modern Man fully supports gay marriage, because he needs a husband to provide protection and proper child-rearing to his hand-sanitizer addicted son.

  19. Bubblehead Les Says:

    Shouldn’t this be titled “27 ways to become Zombie Chow?”

  20. The Freeholder Says:

    3 of 27. I am safe from being a Modern Man.

  21. Adam Lawson Says:

    Richard: Damn it, I wish I’d thought of that.

    I wonder how much ridicule is actually reaching this pantywaist.

  22. SPM Says:

    I already have a vagina, I don’t need another.

  23. Jeffersonian Says:

    Just a couple weeks ago the sound of an emergency siren leaked into our engineering dept. My co-worker told me to quit whining. I told him I wasn’t whining. I was sobbing quietly to myself like a real man. Not too far off the mark I’d guess.

  24. treefroggy Says:

    #9 negates #25 . If you have a daughter , you need a shotgun . My daughters used to joke that I had the cleanest shotgun in the state , because each time their date came to pick them up , I was sitting at the kitchen table cleaning it .

  25. old 1811 Says:

    Actually, he’s kinda right. Having “A” gun is like having “A” spoon or “A” screwdriver. A single tool is not versatile enough to efficiently handle its many uses. That’s why you need a set of silverware, a set of tools, and a set of guns: You may need to harvest birds, rid your property of venomous snakes, protect yourself in the parking lot of the local stop-n-rob, supply your family with venison, practice by punching holes in paper, or, in the words of Jeff Cooper, “repel boarders.” In addition, you must supply your family with the training and the means to do all that in your absence. “A” gun won’t do all that; you need at least 5 and maybe more. At least, that’s my “modern man” philosophy.

  26. Ron W Says:

    old 1811, that’s very well said! I’ve tried to explain that to my wife a number of times. Also, when I go to a gun show, her admonition to me is, “don’t come back with any more bullets” (she calls ammo, bullets) I sometimes reply with a quote from the English writer and poet, Rudyard Kipling, ” A man can never have too many good books, too much red wine or too much ammo.”

  27. ExPatNJ Says:

    When the going gets though, a modern man gets an Uzi.

  28. JTC Says:

    Couldn’t leave the comments at 27, so now it’s 28 ways the modern man in the link has effed up the modern world.

  29. wildbill Says:

    There are two times a modern man can cry: when your child is born, and when your dog dies.

  30. Tobias Says:

    For someone who was taught the art of manliness by a cat?

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