Tour de Franzia
So, for those who don’t know, a local frat boy got dumped at the hospital at dark thirty with a BAC of 0.4 and, per the police, had wounds consistent with sexual assault. 0.4, by the way, is about the point where alcohol starts getting fatal. Anyhoo, the police then went to the frat house where others were passed out, there was a lot of beer, and lots of underage drinking. You know, frat house stuff. Someone at the frat house told the coppers that they were butt chugging, which means they took a bag of wine and used tubing to stick it in their rears. Well, the kid and everyone involved has denied it. Of course he denies it. A confession would mean that he has to admit to:
1) Butt chugging
2) That he actually consumed Franzia
3) He’s gay (see 2 above)
4) He was sexually assaulted by his frat bros in his drunken stupor
Regardless, it makes for the most hilarious press conference I’ve ever seen. A bunch of frat boys in their blue blazers with their lawyer having a presser on butt chugging. Oh, and everyone else is lying. The police, the media and the university.
Quality humor there that you can’t make up. I kept expecting it to be a gag by cracked.com or something.
October 3rd, 2012 at 8:53 pm
First thing I thought of:
October 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 pm
Typical stupidity if they do try to sue somebody. The guy that told the cops what happened will be put under oath. If he now testifies any other way the cops can charge him with making false statements to police. Smart. Not. The best thing these clowns could have done was lie low and hope everybody forgets about them.
Thank the heavens I avoided fraternity row when I was at U.T.
October 3rd, 2012 at 10:10 pm
you start risking death from alcohol poisoning long before 0.4 unless you’re an alcoholic.
October 3rd, 2012 at 10:20 pm
If I ever get arrested in TN, remind me not to hire that “lawyer”.
October 3rd, 2012 at 10:43 pm
This is Tennessee. If you wan’t four seasons, you live here.
October 3rd, 2012 at 11:14 pm
My only problem with this is: “Where’s Darwin?”
October 4th, 2012 at 5:40 am
Stupid games, stupid prizes.
October 4th, 2012 at 7:14 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
October 4th, 2012 at 8:51 am
Good job, mom n’ dad, that’s money well spent.
October 4th, 2012 at 8:56 am
I thought Knoxville was dry?
October 4th, 2012 at 8:59 am
What the hell has happened to men since my early college years in the 80’s? I grew up in New Orleans and something like this would have been ridiculed by even the gays in the French Quarter. WTF?
I blame the parents. It’s THEIR job to teach the children how to drink.
I predict all sorts of demotivator posters to come from this.
October 4th, 2012 at 9:07 am
Fire Dooley.
October 4th, 2012 at 9:27 am
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son” – Dean Wermer. OK, so he’s not fat, but the rest is right out of Animal House. The sunglass-wearing frat president is classic, too.
October 4th, 2012 at 9:47 am
There must be a way to work this narrative into the gallows speech in “Hang ‘Em High.”
October 4th, 2012 at 10:43 am
Obviously the fault of the liquor company, failing to put adequate warning labels on their product.
October 4th, 2012 at 11:39 am
Alleged wino butt chugger claims he’s not gay.
Great headline for the press conference. He should thank his lawyer for that.
October 4th, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Can’t you see the new warning labels on booze now?
Do not ingest through orifice other than mouth.
Do not ingest through the butt.
If you DO ingest through the butt, you may die, AND you will look like even more of an idiot.
If you die through butt drinking, you WILL be nominated by this company for a Darwin Award and we WILL post your cause of death on our website.
October 4th, 2012 at 3:30 pm
How long until some gay group complains to that fraternity about making hate speech against them?
October 4th, 2012 at 3:50 pm
“Take it easy, I’m in pre-law… Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests – we did…”
October 4th, 2012 at 4:14 pm
He said “Butt Chugging”…on TV??? Rilly?? Srsly???
Excuse me, ROFLAMO – HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
October 4th, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Kudos to those frat bros. I couldn’t have kept a straight face through that.
October 5th, 2012 at 9:36 am
Reno Sepulveda – I assume a skull-splitting hangover helps.
October 5th, 2012 at 5:58 pm
This is one of the funniest posts you’ve ever put up here. Only in the Idiocracy. Oh, yeah, I forgot; that’s in the few chure.
October 7th, 2012 at 8:48 am
So in this case… if he were only half drunk would that mean he did a half assed job?
Disavowed
October 7th, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Aren’t Kathy Lee an Whoda going there soon? Are they going to do the assaholic thing or do they stick with oral?