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Terrorist Turkeys

In NJ. Nothing a couple rounds of bird shot can’t fix, if you’re not in NJ.

11 Responses to “Terrorist Turkeys”

  1. NJSoldier Says:

    Damn that made me laugh. Nothing a swift kick wouldn’t fix.

    The geese here are much worse than turkeys. I no longer stop my car for them – just slow to a speed that will not damage my car as I run them over. I’ve been behind farmers who will gun their pick-up right threw a line of crop-eating geese.

  2. Nomen Nescio Says:

    exactly what i was thinking — a pair of steel-toed boots and some vigorous exercise should put them gobblers straight. maybe even land you dinner, if you bring a knife to finish off any stunned ones.

  3. Weer'd Beard Says:

    Heh, I was attacked by a pair of large Toms in Stoneham Mass. It was more funny than anything. In the end I just tossed pebbles at them until the went away. I didn’t want to get myself marked up or hurt the birds.

    If I wanted to I probably could have broken both their necks with my bare hands, but I would have likely gotten a few scratches, and the cops called on me…and likely my LTC pulled for “Bad Judgment”, as Mass Police are wont to do.

    If you’re intimidated by a Turkey, you have no place on the food chain.

  4. Stormy Dragon Says:

    There was a time a few years ago a Canada goose was hanging out around the door to our one office and chasing everyone as they came in or out. After a time or two of this happening, it occured to me ‘this is stupid, I can take a goose in a fight’ and the next time it came after me I started running toward it intending to kick it. At soon as it realized I wasn’t running away, it skidded to a halt, turned 180, and beat a hasty retreat. After that it never bothered me again.

  5. SayUncle Says:

    I turned the dog loose on a flock once. On accident, of course. After all, doing so intentionally would run afoul of migratory bird laws.

  6. Stormy Dragon Says:

    I don’t think that applies to self defense when being attacked by the bird in question.

  7. NJSoldier Says:

    The local geese are on-migratory and laws are slowly changing to recognize this fact. They are an avaiation and a health hazard.

    At the office park where I work, a guy patrols every day with a collie to chase them away.

  8. Nomen Nescio Says:

    @weerd: on the contrary, folks intimidated by turkeys have their place far down on the food chain. 😉

  9. Mikee Says:

    As a child I was chased by roosters, attacked by geese, bitten by a feral cat, hounded by numerous dogs, kicked by a deer and even run over by horses. I have decent respect for animals and how they behave. Hint: They behave like animals, surprising many city folk who expect them to behave themselves like some sort of mentally deficient children.

    But an adult retreating before a turkey attack? A casual swing with a tennis racket should shoo away a turkey – and I would think that almost anything else, such as a golf putter, a quickly opened umbrella, or even a thrown shoe, would convince them to leave you alone. If you are not up to doing that, may God help you, for you are helpless by yourself.

  10. Lyle Says:

    Unbelievably stupid people– Afraid of one of the dumbest anumals to walk the Earth. You lunge at them, swing your arms at them, and shoo them away. If that fails, (but it doesn’t– ask me how I know) you take them home as dinner. They’re a bit dry and a bit tough compared to the commercial turkey, but wild turkey can be very good eating.

  11. Dixie Says:

    The worst part was the turkeys clucking in joy the whole time. They probably thought it was a game. And then the mom runs out in traffic. (shakes head)

    “… but wild turkey can be very good eating.”
    Fry it. Done right, it’s even better than a commercial turkey.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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