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Mom must be proud

So, Knoxville is in the news because some college guy went to the hospital after being given an alcohol enema. Seems that if you’re in a hurry (I guess), you can speed up getting drunk without all that annoying drinking by using tubing to put it in your pooper, bypassing your liver and giving you a buzz quicker. Why on Earth anyone would do that or how it comes up in conversation is beyond me. But, there you go.

33 Responses to “Mom must be proud”

  1. LKP Says:

    Unless you’re gay that should be an exhaust port, not an input portal. They’re doing drunk wrong!

  2. Stephen Says:

    How badly have our liberal colleges failed our youth when they can’t even teach them which orifice the booze goes in to …

  3. Ambulance Driver Says:

    Vodka-soaked tampons are also another popular way to get drunk fast and mortify your mother.

  4. treefroggy Says:

    I blame gay marriage.

  5. UTLaw Says:

    I first heard about this being done from a missionary in Russia (missionary who had nothing against social drinking, so I don’t think he was exaggerating). Some of the alcoholics there had such a high tolerance that they were giving each other vodka enemas like this because they could use more impure vodka and get fewer toxins (or at least thought so) and because they could get drunk faster and off less.

    About 3-5 years later (and about 2-3 years ago) I was channel surfing and passed Spike TV’s 1000 ways to die (not my regular fare, but I paused for a second to figure out why there was a guy sitting at a bar, and another guy next to him who’s legs were the only thing visible, sticking up in the air. You guessed it.

    There was probably plenty of this going around before that show, but I’d put money on the “Spike TV” crowd being susceptible to Monkey See, Monkey Do.

  6. Linoge Says:

    Wow. Cannot say as though I ever heard about this around GT.

    Of course, I can count the number of times I was inside the walls of a fraternity house on… one finger.

  7. Joshua Says:

    The tampon thing is a myth.

    http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/vodka.asp

  8. Ambulance Driver Says:

    I should have told my two patients that did it to read Snopes first, then.

    By the way, Taaka vodka apparently irritates your hoo ha, ladies.

  9. Matt L. Says:

    Shooting intoxicants up your pooper means it gets absorbed into your systemic blood flow without hitting your liver first, unlike taking them through the stomach and small intestines. Any absorbed alcohol, along with any other toxin along for the ride, gets at least one free swing at your brain and other organs before it has a chance of getting metabolized. It’s actually really clever of them to do it to maximize the buzz. But clever doesn’t mean you aren’t stupid.

  10. DAve Says:

    Also means your breath won’t smell…

  11. nk Says:

    Alcohol is likely the most easily absorbable liquid. But the fastest route of absoption is the small intestine (drinking on an empty stomach, pyloric valve open), not the colon.

    (Not a doctor, lawyer who defended a DUI or two.)

  12. nk Says:

    Not much of a speller, either. *absorption*

  13. nk Says:

    And yes, DAve, your breath will smell. And your sweat and your urine. Alcohol is a poison and your body attempts to eliminate it immediately upon contact. Your liver metabolizes some and sends it to your kidneys. Your lungs exhale most of it. You sweat some.

  14. Weer'd Beard Says:

    Doesn’t really bypass the liver, as the liver does it’s magic to stuff already in your blood.

    I dunno, I kinda like the drinking part, and I suspect the poop-shoot method would be messy and icky enough to not make whatever it does worth it…

  15. Gerry Says:

    I only did this one time in the military. It doesn’t make me gay.

    Gecko 45

  16. comatus Says:

    Certainly lends a different flavor to the old “Hold my beer and watch this!” anthem.

  17. SayUncle Says:

    Or bottoms up.

  18. HL Says:

    But if they do it that way, they miss the sweet, delicious flavor! That would be like shoving a prime rib up your ass! No thank you.

  19. Knotthead Says:

    Probably history students. The Mayans did this.

  20. Dwight Brown Says:

    “Why on Earth anyone would do that or how it comes up in conversation is beyond me.”

    In the one actual case (other than this one) that I’m aware of, the gentleman had throat cancer (or some other problem) that prevented him from swallowing alcohol. But he either had a tolerant and indulgent wife, and was a hard-core booze hound, or his Mrs. decided she was well rid of him.

    The sherry enema case.

    (My recollection is that the DA dismissed the charges against her.)

  21. ParatrooperJJ Says:

    We used to do it by IV in the 82nd.

  22. Matthew Carberry Says:

    The practice of alcohol enemas wasn’t unknown among the ancient Greeks. Sometimes to reuse the alcohol that would otherwise go to “waste” after drinking to excess and having it come back up the traditional way.

    Ah, the classical heritage of the West.

  23. HL Says:

    I think Vince Neal used to inject it as well. Stevie Nicks used put the cocaine up her pooper as well, IIRC.

  24. nk Says:

    21.ParatrooperJJ Says:
    September 26th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
    We used to do it by IV in the 82nd.

    That’s a lie, boy.

  25. nk Says:

    22.Matthew Carberry Says:
    September 26th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
    The practice of alcohol enemas wasn’t unknown among the ancient Greeks. Sometimes to reuse the alcohol that would otherwise go to “waste” after drinking to excess and having it come back up the traditional way.

    Ah, the classical heritage of the West.

    Really? Do you have a source for your lie? It does not have to be a link.

  26. Matthew Carberry Says:

    So am I lying, or am I being asked for documentation of something of which you are unaware but disbelieve?

    I heard the Ancient Greek reference as an offhand comment by my Political Science professor (History of Political Philosophy is the class in question in this case) who is a Harvard-educated classicist and reads Greek and Latin. So I guess he -could- be lying but I have no reason to believe so.

    I have read, in legitimate historical sources, of the practice being used contemporaneously by Mayan and Aztec culture, and it was certainly not unknown in the West in the Medieval period, so there’s that.

    Not sure why that would be so offensive as for you to go straight to the “lie” nuclear option.

  27. NotClauswitz Says:

    With Vodka at least you don’t smell like Bourbon!

  28. NotClauswitz Says:

    Or pre-chewed Jagermeister…

  29. nk Says:

    I read, write and speak Greek — Ionian, Attic, koine, purist and demotic. My Latin is only legal terms. But I went to UIC and Loyola.

  30. Hippies Suck Says:

    Check out Anderson Cooper’s report on this. It is pretty bad when Anderson Cooper makes butt jokes.

    Seriously, Anderson Buttfu**k Cooper? Making butt jokes about UT? This is the lowest point ever for UT.

  31. HL Says:

    This is the lowest point ever for UT.

    No, losing to Kentucky last year was lower. Fire Dooley.

    Because NK speaks Greek, he know everything that ever happend in their history. The logical extension is that he also knows the entire history of every english speaking people as well.

    He also supports the Federal Mandate that requires privately owned hotels to install wheelchair lifts, you’ll recall.

  32. nk Says:

    HL is right. What people put up their behinds is likely the least I know or care to know about.

  33. Ambulance Driver Says:

    Actually, your breath will still reek if you get an alcohol enema, and the alcohol does indeed pass through your liver.

    Vascular takeup of substances absorbed through the lower colon and rectum happens through the inferior, middle and superior hemorrhoidal veins.

    Inferior and middle hemorrhoidal veins lead directly into central circulation. Superior hemorrhoidal vein makes a pass through the hepatic portal system first.

    And what you smell on a drunk’s breath isn’t alcohol at all. You’re smelling ketoaldehydes, a byproduct of alcohol metabolism.

    It’s the same substance produced in diabetic comas, a fact that has tripped up many a cop of EMT who has testified in court or documented in a report that they smelled alcohol on a patient’s breath.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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