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iCoke

Firehouse Subs has this new Freestyle Coke Machine. At your fingertips are no less than eleventy billion flavors of cool liquid refreshment. I recommend the Cherry Coke or the Vanilla Coke. And the limeade is good too. I tried the raspberry, not a fan. Where was I? Oh!

Anyway, it’s a fantastic machine that gives you all the carbonated awesomeness you can stand. However, every time I’m at the sub shop partaking of this phenomenal piece of technology, I manage to get behind an 80 year old woman who is looking at the machine much like I think my 5 year old would look at a quadratic equation. And it takes ten minutes for them to either find Diet Coke or realize the iced tea is still in the machine on the counter.

39 Responses to “iCoke”

  1. HL Says:

    Too bad it doesn’t include bourbon or vodka as options. I would like a little shot of Sprite in my Maker’s.

  2. Jeff the Baptist Says:

    Does the cherry limeade require you to add your own fresh lime?

  3. SayUncle Says:

    You don’t have to. But I would recommend it.

  4. Sean D Sorrentino Says:

    I hateses the “Freestyle” machine with a purple passion. If I want a coke, I want to put my cup under the tap labeled “Coke” and have it filled. I don’t want a video game puzzle.

    I predict that a future version of Portal will have one of these machines, covered in graffiti stating “The Coke is a Lie!”

  5. chris Says:

    Not really an “i” product since it is run on a Windows OS.

  6. Miguel Says:

    No Mellow Yellow? FAIL

  7. jpo Says:

    Heh, one of these featured in a story told by Geoff from Rooster Teeth (of red vs blue fame). He complained about morons who couldn’t figure out an interface so simple a child can use it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEYEvxs9aWk

  8. John Smith. Says:

    Too bad… They need the additional flavors of Rum and Cocaine…

  9. IMARMED Says:

    This is the worst machine ever. Oh, it sounds good in theory, but it tastes like crap.

    The local Five Guys burger joint has had it for a few weeks, and it’s never adjusted properly. Order a regular Coke? Enjoy the extra “orange” flavor you didn’t order. The old-fashioned machines rarely got the mix exactly right either, but that meant it sometimes tasted too flat. This gets everything wrong.

  10. Justin Buist Says:

    I’ve never used one, but I like the idea. It’d be kinda cool to have one at home.

  11. TennGoodBoy Says:

    Yeah, 80-year-olds sure can be a buncha dumbasses.

  12. Bryan S. Says:

    Missing Cream Melon Fanta. If that is the only reason to go to Japan… go.

  13. Jake Says:

    I’ll be glad to be able to get Lime Coke that’s not diet. If our Firehouse Subs ever gets one, that is.

  14. junyo Says:

    I want to go to there.

  15. j Says:

    never fails. there is always someone in front that’s way too slow if you’re in a hurry.

  16. comatus Says:

    Don’t mouth off to the 80-year-old. She’s packing a 1911.

  17. DJMoore Says:

    Don’t know about the Coke machine, but I have to say, the Firehouse Italian sub is my favorite sub of any I’ve tried. Their hotsauce is also great, just the right balance of hot and sweet and tangy.

    FTC, go fuck your selves, OK? Thank you.

  18. egoist Says:

    Yesterday, IEEE Tech Alert email had a message, something like, “programming so easy, your mother could do it”. They then followed the email up with a over-the-top apology for sexism & bigotry. I replied (to the machine that apologized), “oh brother”.

  19. jetty Says:

    People still can’t find the water lever on the current machines.

  20. GaMongrel Says:

    I’m not ‘sold’ on the new coke machines, as great as they may be.

    First, the old machines could handle more volume. If my wife wanted diet coke and I wanted a root beer, we could fill our drinks at the same time. Now, I have to stand and wait while she completes her ‘transaction’. And how many places have you been where one of these new coke machines have replaced numerous older style, multi fauceted drink machines? Only when I went into a movie theatre recently did I see multiples of this machine.

    Second, just the other day, I got a little extra flavor from the previous person’s drink choice. I did not want cherry in my drink nor on my hand. I’ve seen / had this happen more than once.

    The new machines look great. They are a good idea. They’re just not perfected yet.

    And yes, they can be confusing to folks not technically/computer inclined. I’m positive some tweaking of the interface is necessary.

  21. catsareassholes Says:

    When I am 80 Y

  22. catsareassholes Says:

    When I am 80

  23. Robert Says:

    I would think that letting the machine run for a few seconds to flush out the previous drink selection before putting your cup under it would avoid gettting the taste of the last persons choice.

  24. Steve Says:

    Does it have Mexican Cocal Cola? If not…. count me out.

  25. Joanna Says:

    Robert is absolutely right. Regular fountains usually have water and Hi-C at the same spout, so if you don’t bump the lever once or twice before filling, your water will be a lovely shade of pink. Easy fix.

  26. Lance R. Peak Says:

    There is one of these freestyle machines in a Wendy’s not far from my house. (DFW, TX area, specifically Southlake)

    I like it, they seem to always have it adjusted correctly and it tastes great.

  27. punditius Says:

    A Windows OS? Well, that explains a lot. We need an Apple version!

    Of course, the upside to it at my local theatre is that there are free refills no matter what the cup size.

    The downside is that there’s now only half the people serving at the popcorn counter. Another entry level job for teenagers and liberal arts majors going down the tubes.

  28. SayUncle Says:

    We need an Apple version!

    I’m sure they’re working on stealing it now.

  29. Dave (in MA) Says:

    Howzabout 1985 New Coke? Can I get that?

  30. Critter Says:

    there are a few Moe’s Southwest Grills that have these type of machines. wonderful things until my old Granny tries to use one.

  31. Vinny B. Says:

    Who needs to be stuck sitting there at a machine and have to make a choice from all of these alternatives? With Obama as President, I am confident that we don’t need such excess while women, children, minorities and gays are suffering thanks to the Bush economy. We should be ashamed of ourselves for even having this machine.

  32. Andy Freeman Says:

    Where is the “extra caffeine” option?

    I’ll bet that they realized that some folks would figure out that an extra caffeine” option would imply that there’s a bottle of caffeine inside….

  33. PacRim Jim Says:

    That’s nothing.
    I have a Coke machine machine.
    You select the configuration of machine you want, put in $2500 in coins, and out drops the Coke machine of your choice.

  34. Dougger Says:

    I was at a Firehouse Subs in Jacksonville nine months ago just after they installed one of these machines.
    They had one employee dedicated to standing next to the machine and helping each customer figure out how to get what they wanted out of it.

  35. el polacko Says:

    what’s with the crack about 80-year-olds ? did you offer to help them understand how to use the machine or are you just a spoiled little brat ?

  36. Ignorance is Bliss Says:

    HL Says:

    Too bad it doesn’t include bourbon or vodka as options. I would like a little shot of Sprite in my Maker’s.

    Bar Monkey

  37. CozMark Says:

    I can build a decent desktop from spare parts I’ve got laying around and around 1980 I began programming computers on a Commodore 64 in 8th grade.

    So I am ashamed to admit that the fancy new Coke machine at Fuddruckers stumped me. Even with the helpful guidance of pictures it took me about 3 minutes to figure out that I needed to 1) extend the carbonated beverage receptacle (CBR) toward the back of the concave opening and 2) firmly press the icon to select the carbonated beverage (CB) until the CBR was near full capacity.

  38. Alan Says:

    Look, I just want plain seltzer, okay?

  39. SPQR Says:

    No Faygo right? ‘Cause we don’t want to attract no Juggalos.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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