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Bound for Glory

Apparently, David Carradine’s family alleges that he was killed by assassins, even though his death looks like he pulled a Hutchence. Sounds silly. But Squeaky points out that his hands were bound together. That would imply that he had some sort of helper. Or some ninja drew the really, really short straw and had to go kill the guy. Then tie a rope around his wiener. But if a ninja went through the trouble of tying up a dead guy’s Johnson, you’d think that the ninja would have remembered to unbind the hands so it didn’t look like ninjas did it. That, or somewhere the boss ninja is really pissed off. In some boardroom somewhere, I can picture the boss ninja saying Dammit, Larry, if you’d have just remembered to untie his hands, this would have been perfect. Now, we got the heat on us. Bad ninja. No ninja snacks.

11 Responses to “Bound for Glory”

  1. Avtomat Says:

    I have a crime scene investigation textbook that says that people who die by autoerotic asphixiation often appear to be murdered or that there is no way they could have put themselves in that position. However, there are numerous techniques that allow people to tie themselves–youtube demonstrates a few. There are several pictures in the book showing people who have tied themselves up in seemingly impossible ways, but the evidence revealed that the deceased was clearly acting alone!

  2. Marko Says:

    I do understand the family, though.

    After all, “Killed By Ninjas” makes for a much cooler obit than “Died While Jacking Off.”

  3. Caleb Says:

    Technically, that should be died while choking yourself and jacking off.

  4. Yu-Ain Gonnano Says:

    Technically, that should be died while choking yourself and the chicken.

    Fixed it for you.

  5. Robert Says:

    They could have come up with a heroic headline, such as Actor Dies Strangling Snake.

  6. drstrangegun Says:

    I’m going to propose a hypothesis.

    Carradine was playing naughty with [a, a group of, some] prostitutes and/or other class paid sex workers.

    He had a heart attack/stroke/other debilitating thingamabobber whilst a little tied up.

    They panicked and attempted to hide the body to make the getaway last longer; after having him fall out of the closet a few times, they then strung him up (by the neck, hey, it’s handy) to make him stay put.

    Occam would say it handily explains all the *reported* details. There may be more we aren’t privvy to; but this also explains why the FBI is now involved, even if just in an observation role.

  7. top of the chain Says:

    And I thought that Ninja’s went the kinder gentler route and now only secretly delivered hamburgers

  8. Grasshopper Whopperflopper Says:

    “When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave”.

    “Oh, hello Master Po. Long time no see. Last thing I remember, I was in Bangkok with a gal who had a pebble in her sn…oh wow. Heaven has a helluva band”.

  9. Michael Says:

    Choking the chicken: UR DOIN IT WRONG!!!

  10. Ken Says:

    No No No, it was an on the set accident while filming “Hung Fu.”

  11. geekWithA.45 Says:

    “Pathetic, what passes for ninjas these days.”

    -Pops Racer

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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