Buick Warning System
Odds are the single greatest threat to you and yours isn’t guns or disease or household accidents. Rather, you and yours are more likely to be harmed in auto accidents. Particularly, I think you’re more likely to kick the bucket due to old people driving. I’m not sure how many times some idiot has pulled out in front of me, pulled over into my lane while I’m currently in it or brought traffic to a stop by doing 20 MPH in a 70. Then when I manage to get around them, I manage to catch a glimpse of some gray hair barely clearing the top of the steering wheel.
Yes, old people can be problematic on the road as their senses and reaction times aren’t what they used to be. Fortunately, nature has given us a warning system. A sign to indicate that they are dangerous and that you should stay clear. Like nature’s decision to indicate that a snake is poisonous by giving them brightly, multi-colored skin, old drivers are identified by being in Buicks.
If you see a Buick on the road, steer clear. Do not attempt to pass. Do not approach. Keep away. Even if you have to pull over and get off the road, keep away.
May 24th, 2005 at 9:05 am
BTW…if bad drivers scare you, DO NOT come to South Carolina. They have the worst drivers I’ve ever seen.
There’s a reason SC has a traffic fatality rate twice the national average. And it’s not just because they’re old. Oh, and most the old folks around here seem to drive Cadillacs. Just not the Escalades.
May 24th, 2005 at 9:59 am
Bubba had a hilarious Photoshop one day that featured an ad for Buick’s “Last Time Buyer’s Program.”
January 20th, 2006 at 2:36 pm
[…] The Mrs. and I were driving down the road yesterday when I relayed to her the tale (from earlier in the day) where I almost saw an auto accident. Some old dude (driving a Buick, naturally) pulled right out it front of a big Ford F 250. The guy in the Ford had to lock his car up to avoid plowing the old fart. He locked it up so bad, his truck was fishtailing two lanes. […]
November 17th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
[…] To the annoyed lady in the Buick at the 4 way stop: Yes, I know it was my turn to go. You were impatient and angry with me as I did not go but instead motioned you go go. You see, you’re driving a Buick, which is nature’s way of warning other drivers that you’re a danger to them. That and the blue hair. So, I did realize it was my turn. I did not let you go first because I was nice; rather, I let you because I assumed you couldn’t drive. […]