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Somewhere in a newsroom earlier today

*Reports come in that Ohio State University is reporting an active shooter on campus*

“Quick, gin up our prepared in advance gun violence, mass shooting, AR-15s are the devil narrative. Yeah, and call in those fake experts we get to come in and scare everyone about gun violence, mass shootings and AR-15s and tell them to put on their pantsuits and bowties for the TeeVee tonight”

“Oh, while we’re at it, listen to those police scanners and get the suspect’s name and look for him on facebook to see if he’s a Trump voter or has ties to the Tea Party”

*time passes. Bloviating on TeeVee ensues*

“Sir, new information. Yeah, there was no shooting. Turns out the guy used a car and a butcher knife

“Well, we can’t run with the original plan. Anything else?”

“Yeah, the suspect is a Somali guy with a funny name.”

*mumble mumble*

Update: Meanwhile, Shannon Watts beclowns herself.

7 Responses to “Somewhere in a newsroom earlier today”

  1. SPQR Says:

    Shannon Watts beclowns herself. We call that “Monday”.

  2. Tim Says:

    Hey, *there’s* an investigative line of inquiry……..find out if the legal resident (non-citizen) voted!

  3. Adam Lawson Says:

    Does Watts ever take off the clown makeup?

  4. JTC Says:

    �Well, we can�t run with the original plan.”

    Oh but they can, and they did:

    “Updating in real time” it says. Those updates show there was no gun, the dude was a Somali, and he had been dead for some time. But what does that headline still say?

  5. RC Says:

    So in other countries every student gets their own personal police officer or security team? That’s about the only way you can reasonably claim their students are perpetually protected by the state.

  6. Drake Says:

    “Let’s not jump to conclusions… uhh it’s a Muslim.”

  7. Dave Says:

    And the motive is a mystery