Ammo For Sale

« « 10 inch SBR AK in 6.5 Grendel | Home | At first I was like . . . » »

Instant libertarian, just add capitalism and bureaucracy

So simple kids get it

Couple of weekends ago, our neighborhood had a garage sale. We set out to rid our home of various useless crap. Being neighborhood wide, we had hundreds of people come through. Junior gets the brilliant idea that, since these shoppers are in the hood for a long time, some of them must be thirsty and they’ll buy lemonade. She makes up a pitcher and sells out quick at a $1 a pop. On her second pitcher, I introduce some reality:

Me: So, for every lemonade you sell, you know I get fifty cents, right?

Junior: What?

Me: Well, you’re using my water, my lemonade, my cups, my sugar, my table, my chair and you’re on my driveway.

Junior: But I’m doing the work!

Me: With my stuff.

Wife: Oh stop it.

Me: I’m just trying to teach her something.

Junior: Oh.

Me: And you’ve got to pay taxes. I’d figure if you’re selling it for an even dollar 8 cents or so should cover sales tax. Then F&E taxes. And income taxes. Plus you probably need a permit and an inspection to make sure there are no cooties in your lemonade. And you’ll probably have to buy some sort of approved device for maintaining the lemonade at a safe temperature.

Junior: It’s called ICE.

Me: Yeah, but it melts.

Junior: That’s stupid. I’m keeping the money.

Me: Good girl! But you’re still paying me.

Junior: *evil stare*

12 Responses to “Instant libertarian, just add capitalism and bureaucracy”

  1. Matthew Carberry Says:

    I’m gonna need your address, also the addresses of the closest western wear store, flag supply shop, and horse rental. 😉

    This tax aggression shall not stand.

  2. SPQR Says:

    If only someone would show her “Libertarian Chicken” …

  3. Lyle Says:


  4. nk Says:

    You sure, Uncle? That you did not plant the seed of anarcho-syndicalism?

  5. Patrick Says:

    Damn near had this conversation last night with my six year old, but with a different twist.

    Her favorite book features a lemonade stand, so she wants to try it. With summer coming, she wants to put up the lemonade stand at a family house in Florida – directly across from a Gulf Coast beach that has no concession for a mile on one side, and a half mile on the other. The kid has an eye for location.

    But she thought we could give it away for free, because for her it was about the experience.

    Ummm…no. We walked through the cost of setting it up (fictional value = $20), and then walked through the idea that ‘free’ meant we were actually paying $20 to give people lemonade. And that during the time we were doing this, we could not play on the beach. Or play with dolls. It was work. And that the $20 we lost was money that could have been used to buy a new dress or some dolls.

    She caught on fast, “so is there anything that you can get for free?”

    “Your family will love you at no charge,” I say.

    “But I mean real stuff.”


    We decided the fictional $50 in revenue was enough to cover costs and walk away with a handy profit. Enough to pay dad ($10) for his time and interest on his loan, and then go buy dolls and a dress with the remaining $20.

    In truth, that location could probably score closer to $500 a day if you work it. The municipality won’t tell me whether it’s legal to do it or not, so I expect a future update to include a YouTube video of law enforcement/lemonade revenuers smashing m kid’s stand, tazering random customers and shooting random dogs.

    Or not. They seem pretty cool down there, and the 5-0 gets free drinks from us.

  6. Matthew Carberry Says:

    Patrick, so she can also learn the old law enforcement tradition of drinks “on the arm.” 😉

  7. Kevin Baker Says:

    If you want to teach your kids about taxes, eat half their ice cream.

    If you want to teach them about bureaucracy, call in the Health Department if they want to sell cookies or lemonade. That might get them shot by a SWAT team, though, so you have to weigh your lessons carefully….

  8. Don Ryan Says:

    Nice work, Dad. Your children are allowed to play with my children anytime.

  9. Simon J. Says:

    As a kid, my brother and I would pick up lost golf balls from our granddad’s field next to the golf course. We’d then set up with a little cigar box for cash and sell the balls, based on brand and quality, to any passing golfers who were running low from water hazards or hitting balls into neighboring properties.

    Had a few good months until the owner of the golf course, who was the town mayor, came by and ran us off because we didn’t have a business permit.

    Crotchety old bastard.

  10. mikee Says:

    Lemonade stands? Yard sales? Golf ball retrieval?

    Penny-ante stuff.

    In my neighborhood in Baltimore, there was a block yard sale. Our row houses set up in our back yards, and buyers came down the alley to look at our junk and buy some of it.

    One highly enterprising teen a few doors down sold his personal stash of pot, wrapped into well-rolled joints, to select customers he knew by sight during the yard sale. And made about $500 in a few hours.

    Taxes? Permits? Legal sales? Ha ha ha ha.

    Our block is 2 blocks from the local police station. Go figure.

  11. Patrick Says:

    @Matthew: Had to look that one up. Thanks.

    I hope we are cool. I ‘noticed’ the mayor, zoning enforcement officers and city planners. Even stopped by to chat (small town). There should be no surprises.

    That said, I am royally pissed that any of this was required for a lemonade stand. WTF?

  12. Jim Scrummy Says:

    Had a similar conversation with our chillins last summer about a “renegade” lemonade stand appearing in our driveway. They have been converted into “evil” libertarians. My work is done, for now.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

Uncle Pays the Bills

Find Local
Gun Shops & Shooting Ranges