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So, I finally got my tacticool ninja on

And it didn’t go as expected

So, I came home expecting the find the family there. They weren’t. I also expected my backdoor to be shut. It wasn’t. Needless to say, this had me concerned. A quick look around and I noticed nothing really out of place but something wasn’t right. I drew my gun in one hand and dove for cover where I deployed my tactical flashlight. And donned my balaclava. Then, I used my tactical flashlight/gun technique to ensure the room was clear. I then went to my AR, ensuring I had appropriate cover that was tactical, because if there’s a gun fight you need a rifle. And I didn’t want to use the handgun since it had a laser because that might give away my position. It’s true, I read it on the internet. I turned on my 8,000 lumen weapon light, peered through my EOTech (also very tactical) and went ahead and deployed my BUIS just in case my EOTech went tango uniform. I wasn’t worried about my 8,000 lumen weapon light giving away my position because if they could see it, it would burn out their eyeballs. Also, very tactical. I then, once again using always cover, swept the house from left to right and top to bottom, making sure I used the latest ninja technique involving a mirror on the gun to turn corners. Satisfied I’d cleared the home of any threats, I then called the Mrs. to tell her what a fucking tactical stud I was. And she said “I must have you now. I’m coming home.”

Ok, so that didn’t happen. What actually happened was I came home expecting the find the family there. They weren’t. I also expected my backdoor to be shut. It wasn’t. Needless to say, this had me concerned. A quick look around and I noticed nothing really out of place but something wasn’t right. I drew my pistol. When I drew the pistol, both the pistol and my CompTac holster came out of my pants at the same time. So, I have a perfectly good gun with a holster around it. Equipment failure in a time of reasonable stress. Good thing I wasn’t in a gun fight. I calmly grabbed the holster by one of the clips and pulled it off the firearm. They didn’t teach me that at gun school. I kept it at my side. I then walked, looking around for anything out of place, to my other pistol. Since it was dark, I wanted the one with the weapon light, which, having both a light and a laser, gives away my position twice.

I then grabbed the phone to call the Mrs. and ask where she was and if she was OK. And to call 911 if I needed to. As I grabbed it, it beeped that I had a text and it was her saying she was on her way. Ok, one less thing to worry about. I walked through my house calmly making sure everything was OK and that no one was there that shouldn’t be. Nothing out of place and no one there. The kids left the door open.

If you decide to through your house making sure everything is OK and you have a laser on the gun, your cats will think it’s a game of chase the red dot the whole time. This is distracting and annoying. They didn’t teach me that at gun school either. I guess if I was really tactical and cleared my house like that, the cats help by being attack cats.

42 Responses to “So, I finally got my tacticool ninja on”

  1. Tirno Says:

    “…so, using my weapon laser, I vectored my cat Gecko (Bengal Cat, three generations away from a wild predator, at minimum) around the corner to clear the room from the other side. I knew that if there was anyone there, she’d stop chasing the laser and lock onto the threat. If I saw that, game on: I’d slice the pie into the room, sweeping the laser up the Threat’s leg. No longer conflicted between chasing the laser and dealing with the Tango, eighteen claws and four sharp teeth would go Cuisinart on his junk. From there, it’s an easy ride… for me. The only question would be whether to give the Tango mercy or not once Gecko was done.”

  2. Jim Scrummy Says:

    “Attack cats”? Our Maine Coon Cats attack me when I sleep and attack our dog when she sleeps. Good story.

  3. johnnyreb Says:

    Ninja Cats would be teh awesome !

  4. Jennifer Says:

    Tactical assault ninja cats!

  5. Bob Owens Says:

    I would laugh if I wasn’t perfectly sure that this is exactly how it would go down at my house… except there would be a dopey pitt bull and rotund Patterdale tripping me the entire time until I loved up them up.

  6. Jerry Says:

    Funny story, I came home once. The barrel of a .357 can appear bigger, when you don’t expect it. My response? Honey, it’s me….

  7. John Richardson Says:

    I loved it and @Tirno’s addition about Gecko made it even more so.

  8. ExurbanKevin Says:

    -10 style points for not using the words “Bar-Sto Barrels in .357 Sig” and for not mentioning your AR was given to you by Eugene Stoner himself. 🙂

  9. S Lee Says:

    Did someone say ninja cats?!

  10. Steve (CT) Says:

    Ahhhh, good stuff. Nice addition by Tirno.

    What type of belt clips do you use on your CompTac? I use the v-clips on my ctac & it doesn’t move, which has its downsides when you want to adjust for comfort.

  11. RWC Says:

    “If you decide to through your house making sure everything is OK and you have a laser on the gun, your cats will think its a game of chase the red dot the whole time.”

    LOL. Well, that’s a variable I never thought of.

  12. Guav Says:

    I’m sitting on the pot reading this. Wife calls from the other room, “What are you laughing at in there?”

  13. Bram Says:

    I’m definitely getting a laser if I ever go cat hunting.

  14. HL Says:

    The cats add a certain level of whimsy that is welcome in such a high stress situation.

    Due to stragtegic placement of a cat-tree and hammock, I keep a loaded cat positioned directly above the front door.

  15. Tam Says:


    …and now you know why I don’t trust anything but actual loops on my holster, no matter how awesome and loop-like the holstermaker says that their patented super tactical J-hooks are… 😉


    Im definitely getting a laser if I ever go cat hunting.

    DNR will nail you for hunting over bait.

  16. Mike Says:

    I’ve had to check out my house a couple of times. I hate it. I always want to throw up afterwards.

    I’ve decided I prefer to do this chore by moving quietly and quickly. It might not be tactical but it seems right. Moving slowly makes me feel like a target, moving fast makes me feel like I’m on top of it.

  17. SayUncle Says:

    They weren’t j hooks but the plastic clip style.

  18. Critter Says:

    -5 style points for not using the phrase ‘slicing the pie’.

  19. Gerry Says:

    Question Unc,

    Why not just turn on the lights?

  20. MarcinTN Says:

    Great story… +1 to Tirno. Now I gotta clean the coffee off the monitor & then go feed the cats.

  21. v Says:

    cats as a tactical advantage ?
    you should recreate this in a video…V

  22. nk Says:

    Good thing it was nothing. Up here, in Chicago, the jimmy marks and broken jambs are a dead giveaway. 😉

  23. SayUncle Says:

    I did as I was going. I don’t have a tactical light switch to turn on the whole house.

  24. Geodkyt Says:

    I prefer the uber-tacitool “Cat Grenade” distraction devices.

    Pull tail, huck cat around corner. Count to three and pie the corner, focusing your weapon at the screams.

    {evil grin}

  25. SteveA Says:

    Steel doors and door frames, gotta love coming home to see a dozen boot prints on the door & no damage. Although one time they spraypainted “asshole” on the door. That was before the addition of the canines.


  26. Ohio slinger Says:

    Just so everyone knows, I have a cat who is adorable and I turned him crazy by playing too much with laser pointers.

    I’m not joking – he used to be a normal cat and happy and now he’s always looking up the walls and on the ceiling and floor trying to find the laser dot. I don’t know how that happened, but it’s literally turned him neurotic. Also, he sorta gets the jitters whenever the light goes away and stands for hours starring at the spot on the wall that the laser dot was last, waiting for it to come back.

    So just remember – it’s all fun and games until your cat goes coo coo for laser dots.

  27. mikee Says:

    I had to scout my house after a break in, once, and did so only because I was not sue the place had been burgled until I got upstairs to my bedroom, which was the only room ransacked. I never want to do it again. My technique was non-tacticool.

    I basically ran through the house, quietly, playing peek-a-boo around each door jamb and closet door, prepared to retreat as fast as possible at any second. Fortunately the burglars had finished long before I got home.

    As to cats and lasers, giving our feline some catnip before playing “catch the dot” is considered cruel and unusual punishment in my house, because the intensity level goes from 8 or 9 to way past 11. Coo coo for laser dots isn’t the half of it. Try wall climbing to better pounce onto the dot on the floor.

  28. jon Says:

    You win the Internets for the day.

  29. ohio shawn Says:

    Glad it was nothing more than a funny story. My only experience with similar came when I was growing up in the carolinas and I came home mid burgle as it were and my response was a bit less finessed…- ran out of the house like it was on fire and went for the shotgun my dad kept in his shop out back and called 911. Stayed there til the cops arrived. The deputies came in without sirens and actually managed to catch the morons as they were loading up their car. When I look back on that moment when I realized something was wrong, I imagine standing still with my feet windmilling like scooby and shaggy. Zoinks. Def not tacti-cool

  30. RWC Says:

    Inevitable. Instead of offering tacticats in rare dark earth, desert tan, etc..

    Now going for the ‘girly’ market.

  31. bogie Says:

    Similar situation a couple of months ago; I got home and the front door was wide open. hubby should have closed (and locked) it when he left that morning. I drew my carry gun and stepped inside as quietly as possible (which is not that quiete with a metal screen door).

    I noticed our former feral cat at the top of the steps, rubbing back and forth on the wall. That put me a little at ease as if anyone had been there he would be running after them wanting for canned food and meowing up a storm until he got it (our daily ritual). I did slowly check the house and nothing was amiss. Apparently hubby just forgot to close the door.

  32. Charlie Foxtrot Says:

    No dogs?

    If I had to clear my lil’ shack in the ‘hood, I’d want to pull the pin on some little kamikaze rat-dog like a cockapoo and lob him in.

    My German Sheps are too smart for that. “Nuh-uh, our food’s out here: we’re good. You take care of it…”

    Any reason you didn’t want to get the cops involved? If you had seen something disturbed, would you have backed out?

  33. BGMiller Says:

    Was once awoken in the wee hours by the sound of a pair of schnauzers at the end of the hall doing their “something is going to get effed up” growl. I stepped out into the hall with .45 and ohmygodbright light at the ready.

    As soon as they heard dad approaching small dogs peeled off and took up station in the bedroom doorway. Nothing practiced or planned there. They just seemed to grasp that their job was now to guard momma and let dad go hunt the noise.

    My uber-ninja-esque clearing methodology was move slow, move quiet, listen, and stare hard at every room for shapes that looked “wrong”.

    Well, that was the plan at least.

    Stepping on the razor sharp end of a chewed and dried rawhide treat turned it into more of stumbling around in my boxers, swearing at the dogs, and fully prepared to perforate anybody that crossed my field of view if only to keep them from telling the tale.

    What set the dogs off you ask?

    A mouse.

    For those that do not know schnauzers were originally bred to be ratters.



  34. LKP Says:

    You may have the tension too tight on your MTAC. Mine never comes out with the weapon. Your body pressing against the leather will keep the weapon in place unless you plan to hang upside down.

  35. Jeffersonian Says:

    Returned home after a weekend trip with my brother to find the lights on and the front door unlocked (I lived alone). I asked my brother if he’d clear the place with me and as we entered the living room which displayed my typical level of tidy, he remarked “Oh my God! They trashed the place.” That right there is what they call a tension reliever.

  36. Paul Says:

    If you use the same holster and gun in IDPA matches then you WON”T draw the gun in a real situation and the holster comes with it.

    Use the same equipment in each and every type of match you shoot (like 3 gun matches) and they will function well in a fight cause any poorly thought out idea will fail, sooner or later, in those matches.

  37. Jeff from DC Says:

    No flash bangs? Amatuer.

  38. Kirk Parker Says:

    Flash bangs? These are maybe nicer for throwing in your own house.

  39. bogie Says:

    @Kirk – I just have to type out “infrared tactical balls” once – LOL!

  40. Robert Says:

    Good lord man….shoot SOMETHING!

  41. bigfingo Says:

    you so crazzzy.

  42. Disavowed With Honor Says:

    I encountered a masked intruder in my kitchen around 3 AM about 5 years ago. Yup, if you haven’t guessed… Raccoon came in through the doggie door and stole all my bread. Not cash, bread. Apparently saying “WTF??!!??” is raccoon for “thanks!!! I’m out!!!”

    Now imagine me not getting any more sleep and going to work the next day. I was the soul of courtesy!

    Disavowed With Honor

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