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But the bible says so

11 things the bible bans but you do anyway. Apparently, your wife cannot nutcheck attackers.

24 Responses to “But the bible says so”

  1. LissaKay Says:

    Hilarious. Except the writer doesn’t have a clue … but that’s what makes it so funny I guess.

  2. Kujo21 Says:

    Misinterpretation isn’t just a Christian thing. There is so much wrong with what they wrote… Its actually laughable.

  3. karrde Says:

    [sarc]
    But has anyone cooked a goat in its mother’s milk? Come on guys, don’t just go for the easy stuff…
    [/sarc]

  4. SayUncle Says:

    Well, I was trying to burn a bull since it pleases the lord, but my neighbors got pissed.

  5. AughtSix Says:

    Ahhh… good ol’ Acts 15–the reason (along with Peter’s vision in Acts 14) why the western world gets to enjoy the wonders of bacon.

    Short version: apostles argue over whether you have to follow Jewish law in order to be a Christian. Peter has his vision where God tells him to “kill and eat” a bunch of critters, both clean and unclean. Peter then convinces the apostles that the Gentiles don’t need to become Jews first, rather: “It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. 20 Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood.” So, that’s the part of the Jewish law that got “kept”. Those parts of the Jewish law, combined with the New Testament teaching, make up the “rules” (for lack of a better term–“rules” isn’t quite the theologically precise term for it) for Christianity.

  6. HiddenHills Says:

    Yeah, and Hebrews Ch 10 pretty much eliminates animal sacrifices for us as well.

  7. mikee Says:

    I’d prefer to think that an understanding of how to avoid trichinosis was behind the modern world’s enjoyment of bacon, ribs, and ham, rather than a sinful turning away from morality and the benefits of religious practices.

    But as long as we keep enjoying the bacon, I’m good.

  8. HL Says:

    Along with Mikee, I assume the same probably applies to shellfish. Them fuckers have a tendency to kill you if you don’t cook them right.

    It probably was viewed as punishment from God for sin when someone dropped dead from eating the raw lobster.

    I wonder what happened to cause them to make the same assumption regarding homosinualty.

  9. armed_partisan Says:

    As a pro-life Atheist (if it’s not a life, then it’s property, and that makes it part mine, so fuck off), I’m always puzzled when people pull out old testament stuff (i.e. stuff that Hasidic Jews do) and use it to mock Christianity (who’s major distinction from Judaism was that all of that ye olde testament stuff was to be taken “with a grain of salt”) and then use the fact that people do where mixed material fabrics and cut their hair in a certain way to justify the murder of children.

  10. karrde Says:

    @HL, I think I can attempt an explanation.

    There’s a list of Forbidden Sexual Practices in Leviticus 18. The header on the list says, roughly, don’t live like those reprobates in Egypt, nor like those evil people in Canaan.

    The list may be, in part, a list of things done by the Egyptians/Canaanites during worship of those “other gods”. It’s definitely a condemnation of the practices as cultural practices.

    The only non-sexual behavior mentioned in the list of offering children to Moloch. Most of the list is every kind of incest possible, with some add-ons forbidding a man from taking sisters, a mother-and-a-daughter, and similar stuff. Man-with-man-sex is at the end, right before male-animal and female-animal bestiality.

    FWIW, Jesus advocated a sterner rule on divorce than Moses did. Also, the Apostles taught against adultery and fornication. In one instance, Apostle Paul said that same-sex-attraction was a cultural after-effect of rebellion against God. (Romans 1.18-27)

    That’s probably why the sexual-behavior rules were continued among Christians, when most of the other ceremonial-purity rules weren’t continued.

  11. Kristopher Says:

    armed_partisan:

    Those would be the militant atheists that make me want to say to them “Stop being on my side, please”.

  12. comatus Says:

    It’s good to see that among your readers are many who read ancient scripture as something other than a source for talk-show jokes. It does serve for that, too, of course.

    Any time they start mixing testaments, you know you’re dealing with a mocker. Almost always a rube, too.

    Hard to believe he left out Paul’s tortured circumlocutions against long hair. That was popular as the road to hell in my youth. Maybe someone should send him a good concordance. Then we can all yuck it up, like summertime in the old borscht belt.

  13. Beaumont Says:

    Sadly, the author of the post illustrated nothing quite so clearly as his own shallowness.

  14. Robert Says:

    And the part where Moses tells his followers to slaughter the village but keep all the virgins to share amongst themselves(as long as they save some for the priests), is also to be taken with a grain of salt?

  15. HiddenHills Says:

    You speak of Numbers 31, where the Israelites directly disobeyed orders given by God in Numbers 25.

  16. Douglas2 Says:

    Reading that article is like reading a web-page of a tax-protester. Yes, those are the words in the document. Yes, it is plausible to take them to mean what you think, if you leave out all of the context, explicit repeals, and case-law.
    The author of that stuff claims to be trying to counter ignorance, bigotry and narcissism with logic? Perhaps someone should tell him that “counter” does not mean “exhibit”.

  17. Woodwise Says:

    Why is this even on a gun forum?

    I think I just threw up some chunks.

  18. HiddenHills Says:

    WW, read the top left corner of the page. We entertain Unc.

  19. dustydog Says:

    2 Kings 2:23-24 talks about the right to bear, and to defend yourself:

    23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number

  20. Critter Says:

    the Jewish dietary laws were the result of no one knowing about infectious disease, but with a good empirical understanding of the world around them. so, is Malachai gets very sick after eating oysters, then something must be wrong with the oysters, right? the sexual laws were originally cultural. pretty much anything went in Olde Egypt and the Caananites tossed babies into a flaming furnace called Moloch. we don’t want to be like Those People, right? over time then idea that some foods made one sick evolved into the notion that those same foods made one spiritually “unclean”, because the foods were “unclean”.

    i can’t remember the passage off the cuff, but Christ said something to the apostles along the lines of “what goes into the mouth (food) doesn’t make one clean or unclean. food goes in and back out again and so has no bearing on one’s spiritual cleaniness. what comes out of one’s mouth (words) is what makes one spiritually clean or unclean.” from that point, and from contact with the Roman world (the Romans would eat anything), Christians wold be on the road to making the best bacon in the world.

  21. SPQR Says:

    Christian doctrine rejects the restrictions of the Old Testament. So the writer of the piece linked is attacking Christians for not obeying rules that are not part of their doctrine.

    Fail.

  22. HiddenHills Says:

    SPQR,

    NT scripture is filled with quotes, teachings, and guidance from the Old Testament.

    We *are* covered by doctrines of grace and mercy, but we have no more “permission” to sin than the ancient Hebrews did.

    This is covered by Paul in Romans Chapters 6-8

  23. Robert Says:

    SPQR: So, the rules get to change in the middle of the game? Funny that.

  24. HL Says:

    @Robert

    To which “game” are you referring?