GI Joe
My gastrointestinal issues are not going away. Could be anything from colitis to cancer. That’s a pretty wide range and has me nervous. The doc hasn’t come across anything to indicate cancer but it’s still possible. So, I’m going to a specialist who will, most likely, do a scope. My understanding is that the actual procedure is nothing. It’s the cleansing the day before that actually sucks. Seems you have to drink about 700 gallons of some liquid that tastes like someone strained Sprite through ass and you can’t be more than about 3 feet from a toilet. I apparently should stock up on the softest toilet paper I can find.
Anyway, some of you have gone through this procedure. Anything I should know or be aware of to make the day before less shitty?
What a pain in the ass.
But, hey, I got some good puns out of that.
February 2nd, 2012 at 6:27 pm
The purging is not fun for a day, ditto on the baby wipes etc. They used Versed on me and I’m told I was awake for the whole thing, and awake when wheeled back for recovery – I have no memory between getting the IV and just before leaving the hospital.
February 2nd, 2012 at 6:53 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG2T1aksKts
🙂
February 2nd, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Keep good reading material by the john and get something for a chapped butt. That’s about it. Don’t plan on doing anything other than drinking more.
good luck,
Jim
February 2nd, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Had the GoLLYTELY and it tasted like alkaseltzer. ++111 on the wet wipes. Really not that bad a deal.
I was out for the procedure and they didnt offer a copy of the vid. Do it for your family.
February 2nd, 2012 at 7:44 pm
The horror stories are often a compendium of how it used to be. I developed ulcerative colitis when I was not quite 16. No drugs at Balboa Navy Hospital, I got 3 large corpsemen holding me down on a cold stainless steel table while an instrument half again as thick as my thumb was inserted. The prep was longer and nastier 40 years ago, and included having to give yourself an enema after all of the purging was over. The UC has been inactive for decades, but you can imagine my joy when I got old enough to require a test due to age.
The purge is still nasty tasting, but if you fasted the day before and followed directions exactly it’s sucky and inconvenient, but not the horror it once was.
I showed up and got drugs. Drugs! I could have kissed that nurse! Up on a padded table in a room that was a comfortable temperature, with a big screen hanging in front of me so I could see my guts too. Sounds horrid, but the meds were good enough that I didn’t mind. After all of the anticipation of agony the reality of today was such a nice surprise that I almost dozed off.
Baby wipes and a designated driver are a must, and a nice supply of chilled Pedialyte (or generic equivalent) will help you to rehydrate more quickly.
Good luck!
February 2nd, 2012 at 8:11 pm
I just had a colonoscopy in December. Get the green Gatorade, not the yellow. It tastes just slightly less like ass. They made me mix the Gatorade with Miralax. Who am I kidding? Gawd!, it was still awful!
February 2nd, 2012 at 8:17 pm
By now, you’ve heard every tip I would have offered several times, except one. – I get the periscope every 2 years to keep track of a growth in my duodenum. – Once I asked the doctor, as he came in for the procedure, how often they cleaned the tube. He said “first thing every morning.” – So try to get scheduled as the first patient of the day.
Hope it goes well and they don’t find anything bad.
February 2nd, 2012 at 8:51 pm
A few years back I started having what they call “urgency” which means having to poop suddenly and with the most severe urgency. I also had bad stomach cramps all the time. I had all the scopes and tests, couldn’t find anything wrong, so they said I have Irritable Bowel Symdrome brought on by the stress of the job I had then. I tried everything they suggested, like cutting out wheat, soy, dairy, alcohol and greasy and spicy food, I started exercising daily, meditated for the stress, I started taking probiotics, I even changed jobs, but nothing helped. Nearly too years I lived with horrible stomach cramps and urgent diarrhea 3-5 times a day. Finally my doctor suggested going on amytriptiline, an old anti-depressent, and a month later my symptoms finally diminished enough that I wasn’t afraid to leave my house, and I started to get my life back. Just in case your situation turns out like mine, there is hope. I hope it turns out okay for you.
February 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 pm
I had one of these fun procedures last spring. I wish someone had suggested the wipes! Would have made it at least a little less uncomfortable.
They gave me room temperature GoLYTELY which I crossed out on the bottle and relabeled Go Kicking and Screaming. The stuff tasted like overly salted melted butter that was ‘slightly off.’ If there’s a pill available, as others have mentioned, I’d suggest asking for that instead. Having to drink this stuff was, for me, the worst part of the ordeal. Except for the not knowing…
For all the discomfort and trepidation of going through this, it is worth it to find out.
And it really isn’t as bad as it may seem going into it. I don’t remember the actual procedure at all.
February 2nd, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Well, day of, at least no one can say you’re full of sh!t. (You started with the jokes)
Hope it turns out to be nothing.
February 2nd, 2012 at 9:52 pm
I know this wasn’t supposed to be a humorous post, but these comments had me chuckling.
February 2nd, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Once I had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done on the same day… I told the doc under sedation (according to the wife) to do the endoscopy first ’cause I didn’t want no ass cam in my mouth… the doc told me they weren’t the same camera…
Keepin’ ya in prayer, man…
Dann in Ohio
February 2nd, 2012 at 10:03 pm
Before my second scope, the doc advised heavy applications of diaper rash ointment (use a rubber glove) before and during the purge. Messy, but it really reduced the irritation.
February 2nd, 2012 at 10:25 pm
No jokes from me, my dad was 53 when the big C sent him home. He fought it for years, not a fun time. I do NOT wish that on your children. Follow directions to the letter, and yes, baby wipes. Hell, paper companies should gave caught that one years ago. It is YOUR ass, you should wipe it the way YOU want. I have spent a number of years driving things, baby wipes are a Godsend.
February 2nd, 2012 at 10:36 pm
I’ve got no real advice, but this column by Dave Barry about his colonoscopy was a laugh riot for me.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html
February 2nd, 2012 at 11:26 pm
+500 to “fast the day before.” I found that a Bourbon diet helped that day, and the hangover added to the whole experience at the doctor.
February 2nd, 2012 at 11:28 pm
One thing they don;t mention is the long-lasting flatulence subsequent to the test. When you’re “loaded up” in the normal fashion, your bowels are naturally distended by their contents. Once the contents are removed, well, think of one of those long kids balloons a few days after the party. Now think about shoving a semi-rigid shaft into one of those balloons.
Oops.
So to avoid accidentally tearing things during the test (and to make it easier to insert the probe and move it around), they gently inflate you first in order to slightly distend the bowel to make room for things. Afterwards that gas has to go somewhere.
Oops again.
You’ve been warned.
February 2nd, 2012 at 11:54 pm
Hope all goes well for you. I almost forget some days that I had Ulcerative Colitis, oh, about 18 years ago. Had two emergency surgeries in 10 months, then two reconstructive, and one more to correct a complication about eight years ago.
Complete removal of the Colon and ileoanal anastamosis later, I have reasonably normal function again. Ironically, though it was touch and go during the first two surgeries, the outcome was probably better than the years of flare-ups and nasty drugs.
I do hope for your sake it is something like Irritable Bowel Syndrome rather Crohn’s, Colitis, or Cancer. IBS, if I remember correctly, isn’t structural and is more likely to be stress related. Still no more fun, but probably fewer unpleasant drugs and no concerns about surgery.
Never had the GoLLYETLY experience but did have the barium. Not fun. And pooping white paint was just…weird.
Anyhow, I gotchya beat on the puns. I no longer have a Colon; I have a Semi-Colon. Also had a little problem with a catheter after one surgery and told the doctor just how PISSED I was about it.
February 3rd, 2012 at 1:10 am
I wish you all the best, Uncle. It’s likely something benign but it’s good that you are making sure.
I more than second the advice of a designated driver and, if you have not had benzodiazemines or other “comfort” drugs before, taking it easy for a day or so climbing on things, using power tools, walking in traffic and stuff like that.
(My last haircut was by a brain surgeon (stroke) and I got to experience all the joys I had missed during the drug generation. They are no substitute for Jack Daniels.)
February 3rd, 2012 at 3:19 am
I had this done in 2009. I was “issued” the GO stuff and two little red pills. (I was in the military at the time) I took the pills started drinking the GO at about 1730 (as directed) and by about 2300 I was finished and empty so I went to bed. The next morning I had to finish the GO stuff. GO stuff in, Go stuff out, easy. When they rolled me in I was all hooked up and ready for the IV. I am allergic to pain killers so I would be receiving none. I asked the Dr. if they could go easy on the sedative as I don’t do so well with that either. He said that if I wasn’t “freaked out” about what was going to happen to me that I could “John Wayne” the procedure and if it got to be too much they could give me small doses of the sedative as needed. I said OK and we were off. I had no problems at all. Minor cramping which the Doc fixed with using the water and air that comes from the scope. I watched the whole thing on a monitor they put on a cart and wheeled in front of me.
The procedure was no big deal even without any drugs. I waited around for the results which consisted of the Dr. saying “looks good, nothing found” and to make another appointment when I turned sixty. My wife and I got in the car, which I drove, and we went to Red Robbin for lunch. I hope it will be as easy for you as it was for me.
February 3rd, 2012 at 1:46 pm
My prep involved mixing two quarts of stuff that tasted worse with each swallow, and some laxative tablets. Yeah, don’t get far from the toilet. And I wound up showering to clean my ass off three times, because the tp wasn’t cutting it.
Also wound up sleeping(what sleep I got) on top of a split-open trash back due to leakage.
Procedure, went to sleep and then woke up and ate dinner on the way home. But the night before truly sucked.
February 3rd, 2012 at 6:35 pm
70+ comments?
Note to self:
1. — start colon blog
2. — ?
3. –profit!
February 5th, 2012 at 5:53 am
You’re allowed to drink bullion.
The lyte stuff is kinda saltish already.
Flavor it with bullion cubes!
Changes the experience measurably.
Fasting 24 hours before is a great idea. Wish I had done that.
February 5th, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Another option other than baby wipes are the cotton rounds that women use for makeup soaked in witchhazel. Use them to gently pat your butt dry. Kept the irritation to a minimum.