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Dear Wookiee Suiters: Why can’t you people drive?

Couple weeks back, there was a Honda Element in the left hand lane, doing less than the speed limit beside another car. For miles. Had traffic on 129 backed up as far as I could see. And at the last minute, the driver needed to make a right hand turn. So, s/he did what these people usually do and cut three people off, creating a clusterfuck at the intersection. The vehicle was decked out in a few Libertarian bumper stickers. Of note was the sticker pimping the Blount County Libertarian Party.

This morning, same thing. Only it was a blue Chevy Aveo. All manner of LP stickers and Ron Paul swag. Holding up traffic on Alcoa Highway by staying in the left lane and going slow. Then realizing at the last minute s/he needed to get on I140 and cut people off to make the right turn.

Granted, my evidence is anecdotal and my sample size is small. But what the hell is wrong with you people? First, you can’t fucking drive. Next, it’s crappy marketing. You’re not going to get supporters if you drive like a moron. And libertarian minded folks like me are now annoyed by you.

A real Libertarian will get the hell out of the way.

26 Responses to “Dear Wookiee Suiters: Why can’t you people drive?”

  1. StanInTexas Says:

    Uncle, that happens in Texas ALL THE TIME. These idiots think that it is their God-given right to drive in the far left lane at whatever speed they want. And then, when they get ready to exit the highway, they wait until they are less than 100 yards from the exit and change lanes as if they are driving alone on the highway.

    I haven’t seen the Libertarian bumber stickers on many of them, but they are almost always talking on a cell phone while they change lanes.

  2. Newman Says:

    I’ve noticed idiot behavior with people who drive Ford F250. For some reason around here (Mo) the little guy in a big Ford truck feels empowered to drive without regard to traffic laws and common sense. I haven’t noticed bumper stickers advertising an political group but usually there in a Monster Energy sticker on the window or the local diesel or off road shop sticker.

  3. Crotalus Says:

    Stealth liberals, trying to make the Libertarian Party look bad. ;o)

  4. HL Says:

    I mean, this is like saying “What is with all the anarchists not showing up for their court dates?”

  5. Phelps Says:

    LP members are Paulites tend to be libertines more than libertarian. There’s a huge difference, and they aren’t clever enough to see it.

  6. Phelps Says:

    LP and Paulites, I mean.

  7. John Smith. Says:


  8. anon Says:

    Natural effect of copious quantities of ganja.

  9. BWM Says:

    Post should read:

    Dear People: Why can’t you people drive?

    And your sample size isn’t small; it’s insignificant.

  10. comatus Says:

    Hmm, hews inappropriately to the left while going slow, then makes a radical right swerve at the last moment, disrupting everyone’s plans? Sounds like a metaphor to me. Could it have been a recovering liberaltarian?

  11. DirtCrashr Says:

    There’s no excuse for driving a blockade like that, pacing another car.

  12. aczarnowski Says:

    But what the hell is wrong with you people?

    You could have just stopped there Uncle. It’s a universal problem.

  13. JWilliams Says:

    Hey you spelled wookiee correctly!

  14. Drang Says:

    I have a hard time imagining Tamara doing that…

  15. MJM Says:

    Conspiracy: Peel off that “libertarian” sticker and you’ll find “COEXIST” or “The Earth is Your Mother” underneath.

  16. SPQR Says:

    Around here the odds are greater, but certainly not 100%, that the bumper stickers were Obama’s.

  17. Bruiser Says:

    Those weren’t real libertarians. Those were just hippies that want drugs legalized. Not that I’m against either hippies or legalized drugs. Because, as a real libertarian, I don’t care what they are or what they do as long as their actions don’t have a negative effect on my actions.

    Oh, wait. That’s what you described, wasn’t it?

    Damned hippies!

  18. dustydog Says:

    Many pot and meth heads identify with the Libertarian party. Altered mental state = poor driving skills.

  19. Ed Skinner Says:

    I think every driver should have a paintball gun. When you see someone do something stupid, load up a red ball and “Splat” their car. And when you see something good, give ’em a green mark.
    Of course, if you see a red car coming, GET OUT OF THE WAY!

  20. Kristopher Says:

    Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot.

    Anyone driving faster than you is crazy.

  21. Stormy Dragon Says:

    They’re not bad drivers, they’re just relying on free market road rules rather than oppresive state “vehicle laws”!

  22. anon Says:

    @Kristopher: I miss George Carlin too.

  23. Jay Says:

    Everyone knows libertarians are bad drivers. We’re too busy imagining a free world to pay attention to “road rules”!

  24. ATLien Says:

    I’ve found that only ignorant people blame bad driving on being high on weed.

  25. Ben C Says:

    I regularly see a direct correlation between the quantity of bumper stickers (regardless of party or topic) on a given vehicle and the skill of the operator.

    More stickers = more stupid

  26. Kristopher Says:

    anon: so say we all.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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