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If you’re in Chicago, you have less than one week to prepare for the semi-annual biennial event in which the dead walk the earth to vote. Be prepared.

12 Responses to “Zombies”

  1. Sean Braisted Says:


  2. tgirsch Says:

    Ha! My recently-departed co-blogger Ted didn’t get his absentee ballot in time to vote. Which is a shame, because the jokes write themselves, and he would have taken great pride in being one of the “dead guys for Obama.” đŸ™‚

  3. illinois voter Says:

    Popcorn, Dead-bolts, Big Screen, and Friends.

    Plenty of witnesses to verify that no one was anywhere near the Chicago lunacy that will happen Election night no matter who wins. Highly recommended anyone working in the second city avoid any overtime that evening, Get out before the sun sets!

    I predict some Chicago store owners are going to want/wish to resemble Los Angles shop keepers after the Rodney King trial. Its not out of the realm of thought that some of Chicago’s finest youth organizations are going to take it upon themselves to Re -Distribute the wealth that evening in celebration of the election.

    The CPD and CFD is gearing up.


    Days Off Canceled – 12 Hour Shifts
    Word coming out that days off are canceled for Election Day, maybe the day after depending on events on the ground; 12 hour shifts in the offing; Detectives in uniform along with Tact and Gangs. Even the old Gas Teams are being reassembled at Strike Force.

    We’re sure details will be fleshed out in the coming days. Start times, assembly points, uniforms, equipment, etc.

    Remember – the whole world will be watching. Safety first.”

  4. SoupOrMan Says:

    Good thing I’ve got an IPSC match tomorrow night. I can get some anti-zombie handgun work in. The weekend is for the long gun work, of course. Well, the long gun work after the range clean-up day…

  5. Kristopher Says:

    Aim for the head!

  6. Justthisguy Says:

    Umm, Uncle, that would be “biennial.”

    Yer off by a factor of 4.

  7. SoupOrMan Says:

    Actually, in Illinois it really -is- almost semi-annual. In 2006, we had federal “Mid-Term” elections and elections for state constitutional officers, state legislative elections and half of the county office elections. Last year we had half of the municipal/township elections. This year we have the federal elections, state legislative elections, and the other half of the county office elections. Next year we have the other half of the municipal/township elections. The only reason it isn’t truly semi-annual is because the municipal elections are primaries (in case where there are more than five people running for the slot) followed only a few weeks later by the municipal general elections. As a result, we have elections every year, just not always in the same jurisdictions.

    Why is everything staggered like that? I have no idea, since governing philosophies usually aren’t clearly written into election laws.

  8. SayUncle Says:

    Umm, Uncle, that would be “biennial.”


  9. straightarrow Says:

    I’m starting to think I may have been wrong my whole life. No, seriously! Think about it. No conservatives or Republicans(not often the same thing lately) ever come back to life to vote. If they can be raised from the dead to supply the cemetary vote, and they all vote Democrat (Daley machine, democrat), are we not facing the problem of defeating divine intervention?

    Or have I misinterpreted the source of their ressurection? Somehow, that sounds more likely.

  10. Tom Says:

    it ain’t just chicago.

  11. kbiel Says:

    That explains the strict gun control in Chicago. They can’t have people decapitating zombies with their shotguns before the zombies have a chance to vote now, can they?

  12. Manish Says:

    here you go…proof that the dead are voting Obama.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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