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Wife Beater

The Second was wearing a sweater and a white T-Shirt (you know, a wife beater as they’re called in these parts) underneath. It was a little warm so we took off the sweater. We’re getting ready to go visit the in-laws so my job was dress The Second. I’m changing his clothes and say Let’s take off that wife-beater. Then Junior looks up and says Wife beater. She said it plain as day. For the next few minutes, she’s all wife beater all the time. Wife beater this, wife beater that. Then, I compound the problem by noting that all The Second needs now is a Bud-Light. And Junior starts talking about Bud-Light and wife-beaters.

Careful what you say. They’re always listening.

15 Responses to “Wife Beater”

  1. Rustmeister Says:

    Little tape recorders, they are.

  2. _Jon Says:

    They’ve been listening for nine months before you first saw them…

  3. Robb Allen Says:

    Even better – My oldest, Georgia, is rather gifted in the reading department. At 5, she can easily read 3rd grade books. When we go over to other’s houses for play dates, she’s more interested in reading the other kids books than playing.

    So, for Thanksgiving we were heading up to Georgia and Georgia is reading all the road signs when she asks “Daddy, what are Adult Toys?”

  4. Ivy Says:

    A friend of mine sent Nate (my youngest) preemie sized wife beaters for a baby gift. One day Nate and Aaron (my oldest, who was about 10 at the time were both wearing their wife beaters and an old lady at the grocery store remarked about how cute they were in matching outfits. Aaron piped up and said, “Yep, we have matching wife beaters! But we don’t have wives to beat yet. Not that we would beat our wives or anything.”

    Fortunately, the woman “got” it and laughed.

  5. HerrBGone Says:

    Yup. Art Linkletter was right. “Kids say the darnedest things.”

  6. tgirsch Says:

    Not only are they always listening, they’re really good at figuring out when you’re being careful about what you say versus when you’re being free and casual. And guess which one they’ll emulate.

  7. Boyd Says:

    I always chuckle when I remember one of my daughters, about 3 at the time, loudly announced in the checkout line at the supermarket, “Mommy, my vagina hurts!”

    It’s a lot funnier for me than for her mother, since I wasn’t there.

  8. straightarrow Says:

    It would be funnier if you weren’t now at risk of being outed as a drunken wife beater. I can hear Social Services now, saying”Your honor these children were exposed to it somewhere”.

    Ah well, it is only beginning for you. Wait until they start school. 🙂

  9. straightarrow Says:

    True story, not true names.

    A group of young faculty from Carlisle University were at a party in one’s home. Most had young children and, of course, different ideas of how to raise them. Several of the young parents thought that children should be taught proper terminology when it came to body parts, etc. others were more traditional.

    One little girl at the party told her playmate “I have a vulva.” Whereupon he proudly replied “We have a Suburu.”

    True story.

  10. Jay G. Says:

    My son, at the tender age of three, announced to the entire supermarket check out: “I have a looooong penis”. And yes, he did draw out “long” like that.

    In case you were wondering, wishing REALLY REALLY REALLY hard for it to happen still doesn’t make the earth open up and swallow you whole…

  11. Robb Allen Says:

    I always chuckle when I remember one of my daughters, about 3 at the time, loudly announced in the checkout line at the supermarket, “Mommy, my vagina hurts!”

    Happens all the time with mine. Granted, the correct term is Vulva, somehow it ended up “vagina”. So that’s the only word both my girls know. They call a penis a penis too. No “peepee” or “Mr. Winky” or anything.

    It shocks a lot of other parents, but my wife, having her degree in child development, and I know the best way to remove the stigma of one’s body is to not use couched language when dealing with them.

  12. refugee Says:

    I have a nephew who, before he was toilet trained, peeked into his diaper and said, “This is my little penis! Where’s my big penis?”

    Same guy, during toilet training, accompanied me to the men’s room at a restaurant. He wanted me to go first. I stepped up to the urinal, unzipped and whipped out, at which point he crowded in.

    “Let me see! Let me see!”

    I, of course, froze.

    “Pee now! Pee now!”

    “I, uh, I’m not used to an audience, Mike.”

    His eyes bugged out and he got absolutely frantic.


    At this point, the heretofore unnoticed guy in the toilet stall could no longer contain his laughter. Despite this, in the most heroic urinary act of my life, I actually managed to get a stream going.

    “Michael! No! Do not wash your hands in pee!”

    I must add that Mike was just named top scorer in his sixth-grade football division.

  13. Eagle 1 Says:

    “Everything you say can and will be used against you!”

    Eagle 1

  14. Cam Says:

    Catherine and James are now at that fun age (they’ll be 3 in late March). The other night they’re in the tub and James points at Catherine’s groin.

    “Cat-rhynn… your penis is GONE!”, he says in astonishment. She’s nonplussed, and after we explained to James (again) that Catherine doesn’t have a penis, he’s okay too.

    Catherine meanwhile, has discovered that farts are funny. Though she calls them “butt burps”.

    I love my kids. 🙂

  15. Bruce H. Says:

    T-shirt != wife beater. T-shirts have sleeves, which makes them look like a T when laid flat.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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