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He’s much more agreeable since I kicked him in the face

Readers of this site know that I’m a fairly animal/dog friendly kinda guy. And that I advocate responsible dog ownership. However, I do not tolerate from any dog (mine or yours) aggression toward people.

A few nights a week, I go for a bike ride for some exercise. I have one of those carriers so that Junior or The Second can make my ride much harder tag along. Last night, the wife was running errands and I got home before her and the kids. I figured I’d run into them in the subdivision, so I grabbed Junior’s helmet so that if I did run into them, she could ride with me. On my ride, one of the neighbor’s dogs was (as it always is) running loose (midsized mutt probably about 35-40 pounds). And he comes running up to my bike and acting aggressively. He was pretty close and looked as though he’d do what dogs do which is bite the tires. I still haven’t figured out why dogs bite tires. And as he does, the bike kinda weaves out into the main street. So, I kicked him real hard in the face. And he tumbled.

I make a lap and here comes the Mrs. Mobile. I stop and show Junior I brought her helmet and she’s excited about the ride. The Mrs. gets out to strap Junior in and sees the dog in the field by the car leering at us. She says: That dog looks mean. I don’t like him staring at us. And I say: He’s much more agreeable since I kicked him in the face.

If that dog had done that while I had one of the kids on the bike, I’d have been livid. It’s one thing to endanger me (I’m a big boy) but if my kids are threatened, I get a little grumpy.

People, please restrain your dogs. It’s safer for other people and for the dog.

20 Responses to “He’s much more agreeable since I kicked him in the face”

  1. Drake Says:

    Fucking A.

  2. HerrBGone Says:

    Many moons ago I used to be a long distance cyclist. (In my own mind at least) 25 miles before lunch on a Saturday with a full complement of camping gear on the bike was a fun ride. Like I said, that was a long time ago.

    Anywho, during that time I came up with an anti-dog strategy that seemed to always work. I never went anywhere without my Zefal high pressure tire pump clipped to the frame. Its a very light weight and longish bike pump and I carried it for its intended use.

    Then a secondary use came to mind: If you see a charging dog with sufficient warning (and this deployed in less than a second) you can reach down, unclip the tire pump with your dog-side hand and hold it just below your knee (about pooch-face high) in a threatening manor. The dog will think you have an iron pipe in hand with which to bash it across the snout. Its almost comical how fast their expression changes from Im gonna git that bike! to Holy (effluent)! Hes got a pipe! Where the (hot place) did that come from?

    Ive never had that not work.

  3. SayUncle Says:

    HerrBGone, I was just gonna put the kel-tec in my shorts.

  4. HerrBGone Says:

    That works. Though Ive never had to escalate to even using the pipe on any dog including the ones at the junk yard I used to sometimes ride past. But then again, I used to only have me and a bunch of camping gear to defend. Adding a youngn in a bike seat does change the equation significantly.

    I was going to add:

    BTW: If fluffy doesnt get the threat or is too obsessed with chasing the bike to notice, you have a pipe in hand with which to bash it across the snout.

    Another important note: DO NOT SPEED UP! That will put the dog in the position of power. Slow down (as wrong as that seems) with pipe in hand and STARE AT THE DOG. That is a powerful threat in dog body language. Combined with the pipe in hand you will totally confuse the poor mutt by asserting your dominance over it.

    Its very much like a defensive handgun use where brandishing is all that is required to get the mutant to run away.

  5. blackfork Says:

    I always used the waterbottle on my bike. Seems like the top of every steep climb on a tar road had a couple of houses and the dogs that go with them. I’d let them get really close and then try to actually squirt water up one nostril or the other. You can nearly drown a dog on a hot country road if you hit them on the intake. You can certainly make them sit down and skid even when they are at full speed.

  6. triticale Says:

    One of the first center fire handgun rounds, long since out of date, was the .22 Velo Dog. It was expressly intended to be used defensively by velocipede (bicycle) riders being troubled by dogs.

  7. BobG Says:

    I’ve known joggers who carried a small spray bottle with vinegar; it plays hell with a dogs nose and stings their eyes good if they get too aggressive.

  8. Squeaky Wheel Says:

    My initial reaction was “awww…doggie…”, and then the logical half of my brain kicked in and was like, “Hey. Dummy. Dog was going to bite. Duh.”

    I haven’t ridden a bike in years, but I’m about to move to an area where I would be able to with little to no problems. I’m going to have to start considering what I would do in a similar situation, since the feeling of my foot making contact with a skull or teeth doesn’t sit well with me, and there are a lot of “ghetto-fabulous” dogs running around.

  9. bizgrrl Says:

    Do they have a leash law in your area? If so, what about calling animal control?

  10. Good_ol_Al Says:

    A half century ago I used a bottle with ammonia. It worked, but I think the vinegar idea is better.

  11. SayUncle Says:

    biz, yes they do. But it’s being followed about as well as the water ordinance. I’ve called animal control on other stragglers before to no avail. Seriously, I won’t be shooting the dog but I may revert to non-lethal means.

  12. Sebastian Says:

    My neighbors like to put their little yip dog out at like 5AM on weekends, with my bedroom window facing their yard. There’s been more than a few mornings I’ve laid awake wondering “Do you think the police would be able to trace the origin of the shot back up to my window?” I usually think “Yah, probably” and go back to sleep.*

    * No, I wouldn’t really shoot someone’s dog, but I think about it 🙂

  13. tgirsch Says:


    Rumor has it there are quiet, non-harmful ways to shoot someone’s dog. Or so I’ve heard.

  14. Joe Says:

    I like to douse the dog with CS spray and then chase it home. the spray doesn’t really work on dogs but when the owner lets it into the house it takes the CS with it. Usually that does the trick and the dog is either gone or restrained.

  15. straightarrow Says:

    I walk in the countryside because I live in the countryside. There are about a million pitbulls and one rottweiler. Everyone of them has made a pass at me. To date I have not been bitten, because I will kill them and they seem to know it when I turn to do battle with them. But, sometimes it has been a very close run thing.

    All the other dogs on my walking route run up to be petted. You really can tell the difference.

  16. Donna Locke Says:

    I wish you hadn’t done that. Most dogs are going to chase and try to catch moving things. They’re wired that way.

  17. Donna Locke Says:

    Here’s an alternative. Buy a bag of dog biscuits and keep them in your garage. Before you walk, run, or bike down your road, stuff a few biscuits into your pocket and when you see dogs, give them biscuits. It changes the relationship and their attitude toward you in the future.

  18. SayUncle Says:

    Or the owner could act responsibly.

  19. Joe Huffman Says:

    My experience using pepper spray on animals has been quite good.

    The dog made a quiet, “Yip” and, I swear, swapped directions so fast I couldn’t see him do the turn. One instant we was headed my direction at a trot with a deep throated growl that meant, “I’m going to eat you” and the next instant he was trotting the other direction with his head down looking like his breathing was a little difficult. Every time thereafter I walked by his place he watched respectfully and silently from the porch.

    I once stepped in between two cats (one ours) in our back yard that were all puffed up and yowling at each other. I used my Sure-Fire 6P to shine in the eyes (it was something like 1:00 AM) of the stray, yelled, and stomped my foot on the ground but he just moved away so that I couldn’t kick or stomp on him. I used the pepper spray and he disappeared. I don’t mean ran away and didn’t come back, which is probably what happened. I mean I sprayed the stuff and I was unable to determine the direction or velocity with which he left the yard. I heard the noise of grass being run across and I heard some thumps under our wooden porch but I did not see him leave the yard or ever see him again.

  20. SayUncle » Not in the face Says:

    […] In an update to my conflict with the neighbor’s dog, I went for a ride again last night with The Second. The dog is still running loose. But, since I kicked him in the face, he just chases the bike now from a safe distance and doesn’t get close enough to be a danger. He’s smarter than his owners. […]

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