Making Babies
Terry, noting that in Europe they’re paying people to have kids, wonders why people aren’t having kids:
Is it culture? Is it religion? Is it greed? Is it modernity? Is it selfishness? Is the West too prosperous? Narcissism?
No. It’s because at some point those people were around babies. See, babies are a pain in the ass. It’s true. Examples:
They smell bad (newsflash folks – and women cover your eyes – but that baby smell you love so much is a mixture of lotions, ointments, vomit, and baby shit. It’s true, sorry)
Can’t do a damn thing for themselves. Seriously. Can’t get around, can’t eat, can’t hold their heads up. And my personal favorite is that they can’t even keep a pacifier in their own mouths. If they can’t do it, no one can.
When you have babies, forgot about getting a good night’s sleep until the kids go to college.
They’re expensive. Do you realize I have to pay for two college educations, one wedding, two first cars, maybe some braces, and who knows what else? That’s in addition to food, clothing, enough diapers to fill a landfill, and toys.
Etc.
In short, they’re not easy. Me and the Mrs. contemplate often whether we want to have a third child. And let me tell you, that during that three in the morning scream-fest that occurs about twice a week, the case for that third child is pretty weak.
But they sure are cute:
That said, I love my kids and would do anything for them. But I often wish I was single again, just for like a day or two. You know, get up in the morning, kick whatshername out, sit on the couch in my underwear watching TeeVee all day. But that won’t happen again for, like, 18 years.
January 4th, 2007 at 10:08 am
That’s what your second childhood is for. It’s the reason my dad now owns a Jeep and an RV…
Heck, it’s why I have a Harley, and I’m just barely in middle age (statistically I believe that’ll happen in April…)
What you need is for the Missus to take the kids to visit her folks for a couple of days (and, of course, for you to take them to visit your folks for a few days to balance out). My wife flew out to CA to visit her cousins last year (actually ’05) and the rest did her a world of good.
I take my rest 2-3 hours at a time at the range… 😉
January 4th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I can’t stand the little larvae, myself. That’s why I don’t have any. Thank God the girlfriend’s been spayed.
January 4th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Forgot this one.
They will grow up to look like you.
January 5th, 2007 at 12:54 am
I love the purely economic analyses that show that in agricultural nations the cost-benefit ratio leans to having lots of kids. Many hands make light work and all that, when keeping the farm running takes a lot of work. But in advanced post-industrial nations like America and Europe and Japan/Korea, the benefit actually becomes a loss in that any kid is a drag on resources that could be directed to the parents. Add to that the erosion of traditional religion and the movement of women to the workplace (beyond the home), and increased education for women (which makes high-dollar and high-demand jobs possible) and you get where we are now.
BTW, although America is still growing, all growth is through immigrant and non-white populations. Middle and upper class whites and those blacks who enter that environment are having almost no babies.
January 6th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
That is a happy young one.
January 6th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
“But I often wish I was single again, just for like a day or two. You know, get up in the morning, kick whatshername out, sit on the couch in my underwear watching TeeVee all day.”
I ship them off to my mother-in-law for two weeks or to other relatives for three or four days. God knows what they do. What I do is in the same spirit if not exactly what you said. The last time, I replaced our grungy back-porch stairs with a cedar one. When they came back, I got “But what I wish you had done was paint the deck (boohoo)”. (I like carpentry, I hate painting.)
January 8th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
In a year or two, you won’t be complaining about them not doing anything, you’ll be complaining about what they did.