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September 9th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Certainly we need more reasonable car control measures. Unfortunately we have the American Car Culture to deal with, and the AAA has so many politicians in their back pocket its going to be an uphill battle. We could start by requiring all automobiles to be locked in a garage to prevent theft by murderous criminals, and to limit civilian sales to only automobiles that have manual transmissions (no really NEEDS a fully automatic transmission). We should also limit gas tank capacity to 10 gallons as a way of preventing criminals from fleeing too far without stopping. Manufacture of cars with spoilers, racing stripes, hood bulges, tachometers, extra driving lights and rally-style knock-off wheel hubs should be banned, and it should be a crime to assemble an automobile with more than two of these features unless it is to be sold to a law enforcement or military unit.
The fact that so many cars are muffled to such a degree that unsuspecting pedestrians could be run down before being sufficiently aware of the vehicle proves that we should ban mufflers on automobiles immediately, and require at least 144 square inches of blaze-orange paint on each of the four sides of the vehicle.
ABC, NBC, CBS, and MSNBC, for the sake of our children, should immediately stop airing NASCAR events, and stop accepting advertising deals from any NASCAR sponcor.
The problem with saying such things as a joke, however, is that many people will actually take it seriously and start proposing this insanity. Just you watch and see.