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Ruahh arhah hamma mamam

Yes, that’s a quote from me. You see, this morning I went to the dentist for a filling. I wonder if dentists think that they’re really smart or that their customers are really stupid. Or if they just like fucking with us. I lay there on the chair sucking down the gas (which I like) when here comes the dental assistant. She puts the topical anesthetic on, puts in a bite guard, and sticks gauze between my cheek and gum. In comes the dentist, with more tools and gizmos and they get to work

So, here I sit. In my mouth currently is gauze, a bite guard, anesthetic, a latex dam, the thing that blows air, the thing that sucks air, a drill, a scraper, three hands, a midget, and a kitchen sink. I also have a gizmo pumping the gas into me. At this point, the dentist decides it’d be a good time to engage me in a conversation. Seriously.

Dentist: You doing alright?

Me: Ruahh arhah hamma mamam (translated: Dude, wtf you talking to me for. My mouth is full)

Dentist: What’d you think of the game this weekend?

Me: Ruahh arhah hamma mamam (translated: If they don’t fire Fulmer over this season, they never will)

Dentist: What?

Me: Ruahh arhah hamma mamam (translated: If they don’t fire Fulmer over this season, they never will)

Dentist: Huh?

Me: Ruahh arhah hamma mamam (translated: Are you retarded trying to carry on a conversation when I have the entire US Army Corps of Engineers doing a little song and dance in my mouth, you idiot?)

Dentist: Yeah, UT looked pretty rough. Think they’ll get a bowl game?

Me: Ruahh arhah hamma mamam (translated: No, I don’t think they’ll get a bowl game. Why are you still talking to me? It’s clear you have no idea what I’m saying and that you have no interest in what I’m saying? Rather like my wife, actually.)

Dentist: You doing alright?

Me: ::blink:: (translated: Shut up and leave me to my nitrous buzz, you piss-ant)

I wonder if dentists like to get people in the chair sometimes and proceed to debate a complex social issue while their victim patient can’t address their points?

7 Responses to “Ruahh arhah hamma mamam”

  1. countertop Says:

    Glad to see someone else is on the Fire Phil Fulmer bandwagon too, even if it is a bit drug induced.

  2. Alcibiades Says:

    I always figured the talking was to make sure the patient doesn’t fall asleep.

  3. Manish Says:

    Most of the dentists I’ve visited have seen enough patients that they can usually figured out what people are saying and have a decent conversation.

  4. tgirsch Says:

    Didn’t Bill Cosby do a similar routine, oh, 25 years ago? 🙂 But I hear what you’re saying.

  5. SayUncle Says:

    Dunno, did he?

  6. Wince Says:

    Laugh. Link.


  7. tgirsch Says:

    Yeah, he did. As it turns out, about 22 or 23 years ago (depending on the lag between filming and release). Check out Bill Cosby: Himself. The whole thing is quite good, actually, but there’s a really good bit on the dentist’s office; their overwhelming urge to talk to you was one of the things he covered.