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Illegal stuff

A while back, Publicola and Xrlq had a little debate where Publicola suggested that Xrlq probably broke the law all the time. How could Xrlq not, Publicola argued, since there are so many laws? I decided to look back over the last few months to identify laws I’ve broken while not intending to or through just being a normal guy. I’m excluding simple traffic violations. Here they are:

  • When I return home from work, the wife and Junior meet me on the road in the subdivision about 50 yards from my house. The reason is that Junior likes to drive. What this means is that she sits in my lap and holds the steering wheel while I pull into the garage. That’s probably borderline child abuse.
  • I’ve been known to put trash directly into my city-supplied trash receptacle without placing said trash in a bag. A bag for a box just seems wasteful.
  • I have an item made in Cuba in my home.
  • Junior’s weight had fluctuated at around the 20 pound mark for a while (sometimes she weighed 20 pounds, sometimes 19 pounds). We didn’t weigh her on a daily basis so she may have been illegally in a forward facing car seat a few times until her weight was consistently above 20 pounds. She was, however, of the legal age of one year. After all, once the Doc said she’s above 20 pounds, we switched car seats.
  • One of my dogs made a quick lap around the neighborhood when the Mrs. or I somehow neglected to secure the latch on the gate of our fence. We have leash laws.
  • I made a copy of a movie and loaned it to a friend.
  • Seen Porn on Al Gore’s Internets.
  • I sprayed a chemical pesticide inside my garage to take care of a particularly nasty looking critter of the biting variety. Using it in a manner inconsistent with its labeling is a violation of federal law.
  • Participated in a football board.
  • Played poker.
  • That’s just the ones I’m aware of.

    Update: Apparently, I’ve committed one more felony while completely unaware.

    11 Responses to “Illegal stuff”

    1. Ravenwood Says:

      Gee, I thought that as Conservatives, we continually repress minorities as we run over puppies on the way to the gas station to fill up our global warming causing SUVs.

    2. Thibodeaux Says:

      I’m invoking my 5th amendment rights on this one.

    3. joe public Says:

      I love the part about the car seat. The wife and I are switching to forward-facing very soon. Trey’s only 10 1/2 months (almost eleven), but he’s 22 pounds. His feet crowd against the seat back.

    4. Xrlq Says:

      Baby X’s first birthday is still a few weeks away, but we switched to forward-facing last week. He’s probably around 25 pounds now.

      Last night, the thermostat (I think) on my car blew, so the only way to get home was to run the engine enough to get up to speed, then shut it off when it overheats, coast a while, park, cool down, and repeat. Since I was driving rather slowly and often stopping, I turned my hazards on. Then Officer Friendly pulled me over and informed me that it is illegal to drive with your hazard lights on. He let me off with a warning. I continued toward home, generally gunning the engine and starting well in excess of the posted speed limit so I could coast as far as possible until the next cycle. Finally, about a block and a half from the dealership, my car crapped out altogether, as the batter was run down. A second Officer Friendly came on the scene and offered to give me a push. I happily accepted the offer, but when we got to the dealership it was on the left side of a small roundabout. Legally, I should have cut right and gone three-quarters of the way around the roundabout, but instead I cut left and went straight into the parking lot, following the hand signals of the dealer who had no legal authority to direct traffic. By the time I had filled out the paperwork, the second Officer Friendly had left the scene without even bothering to warn me.

      Oh yeah, and I sometimes move my motorcycle to and from the street without donning a helmet.

    5. robert Says:

      I gave a friends kid a ride the other day and he automatically climbed in the BACK seat of my 4-runner. He’s 13. Of course, no one ever rides in the back seat so the seatbelts are under the seat….

      I bet an informant could name you as part of a conspiracy, you could be swat-teamed by an interagency task force, all your firearms seized and some sort of charges be filed….or not. They might just strip you naked, handcuff you and the mrs and toss you in the middle of the living room floor. And take photos. Then no charges filed. I know SEVERAL folks who had that happen. They don’t pay for your busted locks, windows, burnt carpet or return your firearms either.

      They always deny photographing or videotaping your naked butt as well, but LEOs on the inside say they get some big yuks out of looking through those photos and tapes.

    6. robert Says:

      Sheesh, I nearly forgot….last week my excrutiatingly cute, 105 lb, 19 year old daughter got pulled over by a Texas Highway Patrol officer…for expired inspection sticker. He questioned her at length and kept her standing around in the sun, then bullied her into searching her Isuzu trooper. He dug everything out of the pocket and console, dumped her purse in the seat and her backpack in the floorboard. She went to the JP to pay the ticket and it was dismissed because in the meantime, she had gotten the Trooper inspected. 10 bucks dismissal. I did notice, that on the ticket, he had marked “NO” under the “Search” option.
      All she knows about police is what she learns from….the police.

    7. countertop Says:


      excrutiatingly cute, 105 lb, 19 year old daughter

      Thats got to be one of my top 10 favorite things right there.

    8. _Jon Says:

      In Michigan, you can be pulled over and ticketed for not wearing your seat belt. ($90, I think)
      Cities are moving away using a radar gun and are just hiding (yes _hiding_) an officer with a spotting lens. He then radios ahead to waiting cars. Packs of 5 I’ve seen. Of course they ask if they can search the vehicle while they have you pulled over.
      When I bring this up at social events, I’ve been suprised at the number of good looking women who complain they are pulled over even though they have their seat belts on. Their attitude seems to determine if they are issued a ticket.

    9. Stormy Dragon Says:

      From the law in question:

      `(q)(1)(A) It shall be unlawful for any individual knowingly to possess a firearm at a place that the individual knows, or has reasonable cause to believe, is a school zone.

      `(B) Subparagraph (A) shall not apply to the possession of a firearm–

      `(i) on private property not part of school grounds;

      `(ii) if the individual possessing the firearm is licensed to do so by the State in which the school zone is located or a political subdivision of the State, and the law of the State or political subdivision requires that, before an individual obtain such a license, the law enforcement authorities of the State or political subdivision verify that the individual is qualified under law to receive the license;

      `(iii) which is–

      `(I) not loaded; and

      `(II) in a locked container, or a locked firearms rack which is on a motor vehicle;

      `(iv) by an individual for use in a program approved by a school in the school zone;

      `(v) by an individual in accordance with a contract entered into between a school in the school zone and the individual or an employer of the individual;

      `(vi) by a law enforcement officer acting in his or her official capacity; or

      `(vii) that is unloaded and is possessed by an individual while traversing school premises for the purpose of gaining access to public or private lands open to hunting, if the entry on school premises is authorized by school authorities.

    10. evolution Says:

      rino sightings: hornitarian jihad

      Feel the point of the horn, infidel extremists! Your Kool-Aid will stain the carpeted halls and Herman Miller walls of your party headquarters! It’s RINO Sightings, September 19 edition.
      Speaking seriously now, I use the “jihad” ref…

    11. SayUncle » Are we all criminals? Says:

      […] I don’t think I can possibly disagree with that statement. Heck, I was a criminal all the way to work this morning. But, traffic violations aside, I’d say gunner is absolutely correct. I’m not a hardened criminal or anything. Just a regular guy. I listed before a rundown of laws I’ve broken: […]