Last night, the Mrs. got the urge that I dread. She gets this dreaded urge once a year, usually around Labor Day. That urge is to put up Christmas decorations. Long time readers will recall last year’s tale of SayUncle vs. The Light Nazi. I am still the victim of learned helplessness and decided again this year to not fight it. I suggest that before we put up the tree that we may want to take our evening walk to calm the dogs down. The Mrs. agrees.

In our neighborhood, there has been this small, yappy dog running through the fields behind our house. On the back porch, you can hear it barking sometimes.

The Mrs. and I took the dogs for the evening walk, about two miles. We walk the dogs on those 25 feet retractable leashes. Towards the end of the first mile, Politically Incorrect Dog (PID) suddenly became aware of something and went to investigate. It was dark and we couldn’t really see. PID does a little bow and starts playing with what we assume is the yappy dog. PID is bouncing back and forth, and is generally having a good time. Suddenly, Politically Correct Dog (PCD) becomes interested and aggressive. He runs full speed at the yappy dog with the Mrs. tugging on his leash to get him to knock it off. PCD growls and is in an attacking posture. Suddenly, both dogs come running back at us.

Yappy dog comes closer and gets into the range of the street light where we can see him. I suddenly realize yappy dog is not a yappy dog at all. Yappy dog is a berserk skunk and is charging at me, the Mrs., and the dogs. And I mean running full speed, which by the way is not real impressive for a skunk. Who’d have thought skunks were aggressive? It ran right at us, well kinda hopped and wiggled really.

I say to the Mrs. Run!. And we ran like the wind. After we stop a few hundred yards down the street, I smell it. The funk. I say to the Mrs. that someone got sprayed. I smell PID, he’s fine. After all, he was just playing with the skunk and the skunk seemed to be playing back. The skunk, it seems, is not the natural enemy of PID. His natural enemies include geese and catfish. My dog attacking the catfish is a story for another day. And I’ve told the story of the geese before.

I smell me, I’m OK. The Mrs. is fine. PID is fine. PCD got hit right between the eyes and it was horrible. He would actually stop in the middle of the street and roll his head and back around on the asphalt in an effort to escape the horrid stench. The walk back to the house was the longest, funkiest walk ever. Man, did it reek.

PID sniffed PCD a couple times and wanted nothing to do with him after that. We get to the house and I make the skunk smell cure. I then spend the next couple of hours applying the skunk smell cure to PID and PCD. PID needed but one coat as he only had a contact funk from sniffing PCD. PCD required about six applications before being allowed in the house. Lather him up, wait about 10 minutes, rinse. Repeat.

The skunk smell cure consists of one quart of hydrogen peroxide, one quarter cup of baking soda, and enough soft soap (tablespoon or so) to make it foamy and sticky. This stuff can’t be stored and can only be mixed when needed. It attacks the oil that causes the skunk spray to stick. It also will take all the oil out of your skin, get ready for some heavy lotioning after you handle this stuff. And when you wash your clothing after handling it, use cold water. Hot or warm will bleach your clothes. A country boy can survive, with the help of a web search. This stuff is also good to add to a carpet cleaner to get the funk out of your carpet. And a mist of half and half water and vinegar will alleviate some of the smell if it gets in your house. Unfortunately, the only real cure for the funk is time. As of this morning, PCD was still leaving vapor trails, which were faint but noticeable.

After it was over, the wife said You’ll really do anything to get out hanging up Christmas decorations, won’t you?

Posted in uncategorized on November 20th, 2003 by SayUncle | RSS 2.0 |