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and God said to Abraham; “You will kill your son Isaac.” And Abraham said, “I can’t hear You, you’ll have to speak into the microphone.” And God said, “I’m sorry, is this better? Check check… check. Jerry, pull the high end out, I’m still getting some hiss back here.

You know, if I took a lot of God’s followers seriously, I’d think God was a real dick.

16 Responses to “and God said to Abraham; “You will kill your son Isaac.” And Abraham said, “I can’t hear You, you’ll have to speak into the microphone.” And God said, “I’m sorry, is this better? Check check… check. Jerry, pull the high end out, I’m still getting some hiss back here.”

  1. rickn8or Says:

    Don’t make Fred Phelps up down there and kick your collective asses for horning in on his racket.

  2. karrde Says:

    It’s easy to claim that God’s judgement (or any catastrophe) is because Those People were bad.

    Doesn’t mean that the people who make the claim are right.

  3. Jerry Says:

    Check the graphic. Hiss on the right, rumble on the left. And, BTW, Fred Phelps is a moron.

  4. Dan Says:

    Every group has a few guys that seem to go all out and make the rest look like lunatics. Christians to gun owners there is always going to be that guy.

  5. Frank W. James Says:

    IF you believe in God, wouldn’t the definition for “High Arrogance and Over Inflated, but Baseless, Self-Importance” be claiming to know what God thinks and why He makes certain things happen?

    And who is say it was God? Maybe it was the Other Guy or maybe its the Other Guy who is claiming to know what God is thinking?

    (This could go on for awhile…)

  6. Mu Says:

    According to the old testament, God killed some 2,000,000 people in named incidents, plus that whole great flood thing. By those standards, God has definitely mellowed out, even if he send Sandy to punish the wicked.

  7. rickn8or Says:

    Jerry, you will get absolutely no argument from me about that last part.

    Mu, when it comes to punishing the wicked, you need something more precise than a fire hose to drown a match or a chain saw to trim a cuticle.

  8. Michael Curtis Says:

    Everyone has their religion, and most will kill for it.

    Ask yourself, what would you kill for?

    That’s you religion, so don’t get so high and mighty

  9. Rob K Says:

    I’m not seeing where all these innocent people y’all are talking about that He’s supposed to have killed are. After all He said “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”.

  10. NotClauswitz Says:

    Sacrifice was THE most common means that late Stone and early Iron-age folks employed to attract the attention of all the various sky-Gods, dirt-Gods, Woodland Chainsaw-Gods, and the Drowning-Watersoaker Gods – and sacrifice universally included humans, both big and small, either yours or preferably somebody else’s human (which is why the Aztecs were so hated, they always “borrowed” a somebody-else’s) – the Hebe’s were the first to make-up a reason to stop doing it.

    Abe says, “Where you wan’ this killin’ done?” And God said, “Out by the Mayan Pyramid, on Highway 61″…

  11. Paul Says:

    First, God does not JUDGE BY HUMAN STANDARDS. He has His own standards.

    See that is the thing about human suffering. God is after our souls, not our physical bodies. We judge alot by our physical ‘happiness’, beauty, pleasure, fun, etc…

    Second, God gave us free will. If we fu&k it up, it’s OUR FAULT, no His.

    So when we see suffering we ask why God does not stop this. He does not stop it cause He is interested only in the human soul. And our own free will is what caused the problems.

    Oh, but that does not mean God does not answer prayers. There are many documented miracles, documented not by the religious institutions but by independent observers and scientist. They do happen.

    But God many times (if not most) answers with the word, “no”.

    So to me it’s no joke. There is a God, what he looks like that I don’t know. Were he actually resides, I don’t know. Why he created this, I also don’t know.

    But I do know you can’t have a clock without a watch maker.

  12. Tarrou Says:

    If the values god lays out for christians to follow in the Bible are the yardstick by which to measure his actions with, one must inevitably conclude the the god of the bible is engaging in the biggest game of “do as I say, not as I do” ever. Of course, that’s just six thousand years of accumulated human lying, superstition and mistranslation, but there it is.

  13. Lyle Says:

    God says you should send me all of your money. Now then; the mere fact that I was dumb enough to say it doesn’t make it true.

    Some of the people who claim to have faith donít. Itís just a shtick for them. They may be hypocrites. Some black people are dumb too, and hypocrites, but I don’t criticize their blackness because of it. Then there are others who believe that “blackness” means life-long victimization and dependence. Same (or similar) goes for some of the self-proclaimed faithful.

    The radical Muslims may believe that “the faithful” must by definition be engaged in jihad, but does that mean all faithful are murdering scum?

    If some guy somewhere, named Chance, is a rotten bastard, are all guys named Chance aweful bastards, or at least suspect?

    Wheat, chaff. Chaff, wheat.

  14. Beaumont Says:

    First, using a generic term, “religion “, is akin to using a generic term for every food from locusts & honey to Carolina BBQ to Szechuan cusine. One size does not fit all.

    Second, not everyone who claims to be a Christian actually is. You can sleep in an oven, but that won’t make you a biscuit.

    Third, the stated purpose of most faiths is to place a flawed human nature under the authority of a benevolent deity. The anger, hatred, &c. inherent in human nature does not disappear, but is lessened due to the authority of the deity. (Anyone who claims to have no negative emotions is a liar or a fool.This includes many leftists as well as others of differing political bents.)I would opine that some faiths do a much better job of this than others.

  15. Steve Says:

    And murdering babies for political gain is ok unc?

  16. Sebastian The Blogless Says:

    Man is life a lot simpler if you’re rational.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

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