Getting back at TSA
Restaurant at Seattle airport refuses to serve TSA agents:
She says that whenever a TSA agent attempts to dine at the restaurant, “we turn our backs and completely ignore them, and tell them to leave… Their kind aren’t welcomed in our establishment.”
The restaurant claims that 90% of its patrons are in agreement with their stance and that the local police have actually helped escort TSA workers of the premises.
Hell yeah.
Update: Seems no one can locate the restaurant that is doing this. Could be a hoax. Still, that this story took off seems to indicate it struck a nerve.
February 23rd, 2011 at 3:11 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in airport “security”, I feel sorry for most TSA personel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the TSA fires you!?
February 23rd, 2011 at 3:19 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Boston, I feel sorry for all those Redcoats. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a few real control freaks (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or losing their job.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get drummed out of the ranks of the King’s army?
February 23rd, 2011 at 3:34 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Germany, I feel sorry for all those Nazis. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a few real control freaks (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or losing their job.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get fired from a concentration camp?
February 23rd, 2011 at 3:42 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Alderran, I feel sorry for all those stormtroopers. They didn’t ask for any of this and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and wookie now hates their ass.
Aside from a few real sith lords (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire Empire against their choosing, or being frozen in carbonite.
And seriously, were are you going to go if you get choked to death on the bridge of a start destroyer?
PS: I wonder if the restaurant will serve my droids?
February 23rd, 2011 at 4:12 pm
(Alarm goes off near entrance)
BARTENDER: We don’t serve their kind here!
Luke still recovering from the shock of seeing so many outlandish creatures, doesn’t quite catch the bartender’s drift.
LUKE: What?
BARTENDER: Your TSAs. They’ll have to wait outside. We don’t want them here.
Luke looks at old Ben, who is busy talking to one of the Galactic pirates. He notices several of the gruesome creatures along the bar are giving him a very unfriendly glare. Luke pats his tall TSA on the shoulder.
LUKE: Listen, why don’t you wait out by the
Body Scanner. We don’t want any trouble.
THREEPIO: I heartily agree with you sir.
Threepio and his stubby partner go outside and most of the creatures at the bar go back to their drinks.
February 23rd, 2011 at 4:12 pm
So full of win…
February 23rd, 2011 at 4:53 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8lMhEB7J7I
February 23rd, 2011 at 5:25 pm
This comment thread is comedy gold.
February 23rd, 2011 at 5:36 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Wisconsin, I feel sorry for most Democrats. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of marxists (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Union fires you!?
February 23rd, 2011 at 5:46 pm
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Union fires you!?
Run for political office…
February 23rd, 2011 at 6:00 pm
If the union fires you, you won’t win a political office, at least not as a Democrat.
February 23rd, 2011 at 6:04 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Congress, I feel sorry for most Congressmen. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between actually doing what the American people want them to do; fix the economy and the .Gov or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the voters in your district recall you!?
February 23rd, 2011 at 6:56 pm
This comments thread is so filled with excellence that it’s in danger of falling into a Black Hole of Excellence.
Well played, everyone.
February 23rd, 2011 at 7:20 pm
As much as I hate the recent development in Hillary Clinton’s marriage, I feel sorry for her. She didn’t ask for any of it, and probably realizes how pointless her work is and that every man and his dog now hates her ass.
Aside from some perks, she just couldn’t get past the waiting room with old magazines outside their bedroom, his habit of hollaring ‘next’, and the fact that she was never invited to the annual “Night of 100 Interns”, but seriously how much work as a litigator is there in Toad Suck, Arkansas?
February 23rd, 2011 at 8:27 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in politics, I feel sorry for most of today’s liberals. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their lives are, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling “medical” marijuana all day and tuning out, or losing their access to the Huffington Post.
February 23rd, 2011 at 8:47 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on the Mexican border, I feel sorry for some ATF agents. They didn’t ask for any of this. They probably realize just how pointless their work is, and that every man and his dog now hates their asses.
Aside from a majority of sociopathic sadists, (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) some of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing because it beats working for a living, or sleeping under bridges.
And seriously, where are you going to go if your only job skills are lying, bullying (when not goofing off) stomping kittens to death, and destroying valuable property?
February 23rd, 2011 at 8:49 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in airport “security theater”, I feel sorry for most passengers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how futile their resistance is, and every weirdo blue-gloved TSA agent now grabs their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who like it pretty much everywhere), most of these poor suckers get to choose between flashing for the nudy camera with the entire open hand against their “crotchals” or losing their boarding pass.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the TSA says you ain’t goin’!?
Getting to know you….
February 23rd, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Suzanne has killed the thread with a perfect noble unbeatable artistically correct ending which refers back to the beginning. Don’t none of y’all try to improve on perfection, hear?
February 23rd, 2011 at 9:25 pm
As much as I love the recent developments in the comments, I feel sorry for the original commenter. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably didn’t realize just how silly that comment was, and every man and his dog now is laughing their ass off.
February 23rd, 2011 at 9:27 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in common sense firearms regulations, I feel sorry for most ATF agents. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man now hates their ass. Every man’s dog hated their ass too, but they shot him.
Aside from a couple of anti-2A jerks (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire abuse thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the ATF fires you then shoots your dog, too!?
February 23rd, 2011 at 9:59 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Mordor, I feel sorry for most Orcs. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man (and dwarf, elf, and hobbit) and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a few Uruk-hai (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire hoarde against their choosing or being eaten by their comrades.
And seriously, where are you going to go if Sauron loses the War of the Ring?
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:16 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in preschools, I feel sorry for Pedobear. He didn’t ask for any of this, and he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every man and dog now hates his ass.
Aside from a few real perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) this guy gets to choose between rolling with the entire thing against his choosing, or losing his job.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get fired from a preschool?
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:24 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in The Universe, I feel sorry for God. He didn’t ask for any of this, and he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and Satan now hates his ass.
Aside from a few false gods (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) this guy gets to choose between rolling with the entire thing against his choosing, or ending the world.
And seriously, where are you going to go if you get destroyed by those beings that you create?
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:25 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at Shermer High School, I feel sorry for most of them – a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless school is, and every school official from the Dean to the janitor now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of loose screws (that are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between sacrificing a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was they did wrong or giving up college and pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the school expels you?
Sincerely, The Breakfast Club.
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:54 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Miranda, I feel sorry for most Alliance Operatives. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is (well…after some totally safe G-23 Paxilon Hydrochloride was introduced into the Miranda food supply…), and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a few Companions (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of those guys get to choose between rolling with the entire Alliance against their choosing or being raped to death, eaten, and have their skins sewn into Reaver clothing – and if they’re very very lucky, in that order.
And seriously, where are you going to go if the Alliance boards your boat in the black?
February 23rd, 2011 at 11:00 pm
This comment thread wins the internet. I have nothing to add.
Because as much as I love this thread, I have to feel sorry for rest of the internet. It didn’t ask to be hit with this much awesome.
February 23rd, 2011 at 11:39 pm
As much as I enjoy reading the latest posts on the internet, I feel sorry for millions and billions of internet surfers. They don’t know about this awesome thread, they probably don’t even know how pointless their other reading is, and every man and his dog looks down on them for their ignorance.
Aside from millions and billions of people without internet access, (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between actually working on company time or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if somebody fires you!? (It’s not like there are millions and billions of jobs out there!)
February 24th, 2011 at 12:02 am
As much as I hate all of the drug and human smuggling in Arizona, I feel sorry for the coyotes. They didn’t ask for any of this, they just wanted to do the jobs that American citizens won’t do.
Aside from a couple of Mexican Army deserters (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between murdering border patrol agents or having to carry an extra kilo of pot in their pack.
…
and seriously, where are your relatives going to find your severed head when the Sinaloans realize you’ve been working with ATF!?
February 24th, 2011 at 12:13 am
About fricken time!The more “we the people” stand up to this crap the better.
February 24th, 2011 at 12:26 am
As much as I hate the recent developments at Rorke’s Drift, I feel sorry for most Zulu Warriors. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Preacher and his daughter now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of blood thirsty savages (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if a Martini-Henry fires into you!?
February 24th, 2011 at 12:26 am
As much as I hate the recent events at Hogwarts
I feel sorry for the Death Eaters, They didn’t ask for this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is.
Aside from a few Voldmorts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere)
What are you going to do when you have to choose between waiving magic wands and killing people or being killed
…
and seriously what are you going to do if you have to face the dark lords wrath?
February 24th, 2011 at 12:34 am
Hard to drink serious when there is so much snark talent to read.
Bravo.
February 24th, 2011 at 12:35 am
As much as I hate having spaceships hovering over all our major cities, I feel sorry for most V invaders. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of head chomping killers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their humanlike skins slowly and painfully.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the lizard queen skins you!?
February 24th, 2011 at 12:43 am
As much as I hate child molestation, I feel sorry for most priests. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of choir boy Casanovas (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their entirely paid for existence.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Church won’t hide you!?
February 24th, 2011 at 12:44 am
As much as I hate the recent developments at Golgotha, I feel sorry for most Roman Sentries. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Apostle now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Bureaucratic Prefects (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to hide if you kill the Messiah.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:05 am
As much as I hate the recent developments with DOMA, I feel sorry for most queer bashers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his boy now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of sadistic killers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their manhood.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the good ole boys kick you out?
February 24th, 2011 at 1:07 am
If TSA agents hate their crappy jobs, they should earn their GEDs and find better work.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:09 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Afghanistan, I feel sorry for most Taliban. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and pretty much the entire world now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Radical Imams and Caliph Wannabees (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, what are going to do if you can’t even get chosen to go on a martyr mission?
February 24th, 2011 at 1:11 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in human trafficking I feel sorry for most pimps. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every woman and her mother now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of kidnapping thugs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their bling bling.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the ho’s don’t show?
February 24th, 2011 at 1:19 am
Sunshine, yer hobby-horse is showing. This is a gun-nerd blog, and the gun-nerd hobby-horse is the preferred one here.
Owhell, be that way. I think I’ll go recruit an autistic smartass I know, to rag on the neurotypicals.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:25 am
I hate to buzzkill the thread, but the SEA TSA deserve it and more. My wife flew through there a couple of years ago and a TSA agent took $400 of artist’s oil paint out of her luggage because it was “dangerous material.” Apparently they have a box in the breakroom for stuff they seize, and the TSA employees get to “take it home” so it doesn’t go to waste. They have no shame. F ‘em.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:27 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on Cybertron, I feel sorry for most Decepticons. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man, Autobot, and dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of megalomaniacs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their spark.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:28 am
That’s silly — it’s like not serving flight attendants at the airport because flights are late. The TSA folks just have a job, they didn’t design it, they have few options on how the execute it. If she means they should just not take the job, that’s even worse.
Sunshine and anon, take it away: “That’s just silly — it’s like not serving ____ because ___ are ___.
Anyway, it’s silly.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:41 am
The TSA are the Stalinists who demand internal passports, fondle children, and rape the dignity of American travellers. They deserve no pity, and no mercy. Let them stew in their own juices. If the TSA want to be fed, they can go home. Or to hell.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:46 am
Hillbilly gets the Dave Barry Award.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:49 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Emerald City, I feel sorry for most flying monkeys. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every girl and her dog Toto now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Munchkins (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these monkeys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Wicked Witch of the West fires you!?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:11 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Château d’If, I feel sorry for most of the guards. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man unjustly imprisoned in an iron mask now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of corrupt prosecutors(who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Bonapartists retake power!?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:13 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in this blog, I feel sorry for most people with no sense of humor. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every commenter and their little dog too now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of spoilsports (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these monkeys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their credibility.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you don’t get the joke?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:20 am
As much as I hate recent developments in Libya….oh, the hell with it, just shoot Kadaffy and promote his corpse to Brigadier General and bury his sorry ass.
February 24th, 2011 at 2:20 am
AS much as I hate recent developments in the time-space continuum, I feel sorry for most Daleks. They didn’t ask for any of this. They probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Time Lord and his K-9 hates their a**.
Aside from a couple of Skaro cultists, most of these guys get to choose between “Exterminate! Exterminate!,” or losing their jobs to Cybermen.
And seriously, where are you going to go if The Doctor shows up in his TARDIS?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:23 am
That’s silly — it’s like complaining about humorous internet comments because you have a stick up your ass. The commenters have their role, they didn’t invent the intertubes, they may not even know some people need sarc tags. If you don’t get the joke, that’s even worse.
February 24th, 2011 at 2:39 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Computer-Aided Enrichment Center, I feel sorry for most of the ones who are dead. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their testing is, and every other point of data and his Weighted Companion Cube now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System control freaks (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between teleporting through the entire thing against their choosing or losing their delicious cake.
And seriously, where are you going to go if Aperture Science fires you!? Black Mesa? Ha ha, fat chance.
February 24th, 2011 at 3:25 am
I do not feel a bit sorry for anybody who works at the TSA. They have to be at least one of stupid and dishonest. You would have to be mind-numbingly stupid to think that the security theater they do makes anybody a whit safer. In fact, it makes travel less safe. So, to work there, either you’re so stupid you don’t know your job is a waste of time and money, or so dishonest that you took the job anyway. Every last one of those goons should be shunned and ostracized with extreme prejudice.
February 24th, 2011 at 4:20 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in legacy “journalism”, I feel sorry for most reporters. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their asinine drivel (sometimes the dog even poops on it).
Aside from a couple of closet Marxists (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go — as a journalist — if you can’t crib off of instapundit!?
February 24th, 2011 at 4:25 am
Sadly I can’t do the comedy thing like others here, you’re all brilliant…one thing to note though. Gadaffi is often referred to as “colonel” but that was the rank he held in the Libyan army prior to the coup that swept him to power. His puppet legislature promoted him to Major General, though he never uses the rank, at least as far as I’m aware.
February 24th, 2011 at 5:03 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Bedford Falls, I feel sorry for most of Mr. Potter’s men. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and how George Bailey’s friends, i.e. every man and his dog in town, now hates their ass.
Aside from his creepy manservant (who never seems to mind pushing his boss around in that damned wheelchair), most of these guys get to choose between trying to but the Building & Loan out of business or losing their jobs.
February 24th, 2011 at 5:08 am
Best comment thread – ever!
February 24th, 2011 at 6:03 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Cyberdyne Systems, I feel sorry for the T-100 series. They didn’t ask to be programmed for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and how every human and his dog now hates his ass.
Aside from a subtly-reprogrammed time-traveling model (who will find you) most of these units get to choose between rolling with the entire thing according to their programming or being dipped in a handy vat of boiling steel.
And seriously, where are you going to go if you’ve been melted down into your component atoms?
February 24th, 2011 at 6:23 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in R’lyeh, I feel sorry for most Great Old Ones. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against a slow descent into insanity and madness.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Cthulu eats you!?
February 24th, 2011 at 6:37 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on “Klandatu”, I feel sorry for most Arachnids. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Mobile Infantryman and Fleet Puke now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Brain Bugs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Bug Army fires you!?
February 24th, 2011 at 8:11 am
Click thru the link at the top. It takes you to a blog by Christopher Elliott. Elliott makes a half-hearted attempt to verify the story, after the fact, and concludes it’s probably true. (What he finds waves red flags at me that it’s a hoax, but maybe that’s just me.) In the end, he excuses himself by shrugging that ‘it wouldn’t be the first time someone lied to a reporter.’
Would be the first time Chris Elliott ran a story without adequately checking it first, either. (Google on ‘New York Times’ and ‘airline stand-up seating.’)
February 24th, 2011 at 8:23 am
As much as I hate recent developments on Bourbon Street, I feel sorry for most of the strippers. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every drunk chiropractor from Ottumwa and his wife now hates their tattooed ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts(who are to be found pretty much everywhere)most of these hoes get to choose between boinking some tourist against their choosing or losing their rocker boyfriend.
And seriously, where are you going to go when you hit thirty?
February 24th, 2011 at 8:33 am
As much as I hate the recent events in Monroeville Mall, I feel sorry for the zombies. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless eating living human flesh is, and every Roger, Peter, Fran, and Flyboy now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of brain eaters (who are to be found pretty much in every B-movie), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or getting shot in the head.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when there’s no more room in hell?
February 24th, 2011 at 8:55 am
all this is funny and, as evidenced by the many good take offs, usefully clever. But there is a distinction between intrinsically bad and bad but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequenses. in that sense, not serving the TSA staff is offensive and wrong. These guys are our neighbors and family members, and they are not in any way, shape or form bad people for doing their jobs. They have a right to be respected. I hate the whole airport security routine, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect when they are on the job. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and that restaurant’s staff’s obligation to give it.
February 24th, 2011 at 9:00 am
As much as i hate recent developments on Mars, I feel sorry for Cohagen’s colleagues. They didn’t ask for any of this. They proabably realize how pointless their work is, and how every terbidium miner and three-breasted hooker now hates their ass.
Asside from the occasional gasper, who gets off on near asphixiation (and are found to be pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their eyeballs in the near vaccuum outside the domes.
And seriously, where are you going to go if an off-world mafia fires you?
February 24th, 2011 at 9:17 am
As much as I hate the recent developments at Initech, I feel sorry for Lumburgh. He didn’t ask for any of this. He probably realizes how pointless his work is, and how Michael, Samir, and Peter now hate his ass.
Aside from efficiency experts and consultants who love to fire people (and are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of the people at Initech get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being downsized.
And seriously, where are you going to work after Initech? Flingers?
February 24th, 2011 at 9:19 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on Caprica, I feel sorry for most Cylons. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every remaining human except Baltar now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of raiders (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the reincarnation ship gets blown up!?
February 24th, 2011 at 9:21 am
As much as I hate the recent events on Grainne, I feel sorry for the UN soldiers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless trying to force Earth’s failing socialism on a free planet is, and every man, woman, child, attack panther and ripper now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of elitist scum who think it’ll work(who are to be found pretty much in every slowly dying socialist system), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or getting shot in the head by the Freeholders, or their commanders.
…
And seriously, where are you going to go when the people just won’t accept that you’re here to help? Pack up and go back to your own planet to fix your own problems? That’s crazy talk.
February 24th, 2011 at 9:21 am
David, if they grabbed your junk at Walmart would you think differently?
February 24th, 2011 at 9:21 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on the Cheyenne Mountain, I feel sorry for most Loonies. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every earther and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from the one HOLMES IV (which is to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch!?
February 24th, 2011 at 9:27 am
David, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The ends DO NOT justify the means. If they want to feel me up, they’d better have a fucking warrant. Anything less is just the Gestapo knocking on our door.
February 24th, 2011 at 9:30 am
David,
Respect is earned, and not a right to be demanded. Doing a job where the clear intent is to humiliate and offend, like a TSA agent, is now and always has been offensive and wrong. They are bad people for doing this job. This is not how respect is earned, and no person is obligated to respect them for it.
February 24th, 2011 at 9:52 am
I needed directions in an NYC train station last month. Saw a TSA agent. Made eye contact. Suddenly, she spins around and makes a point of ignoring me.
I’m waiting for the excuse on why this was necessary to her job.
But apart from a few panhandlers…
February 24th, 2011 at 9:55 am
As much as I hate the recent developments with the System Lords, I feel sorry for most of the Jaffa. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Tok’ra and his host now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of shol’va (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being blasted with a staff weapon.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Ba’al takes the control crystal out of your DHD!?
February 24th, 2011 at 10:26 am
As much as I hate the (not exactly)recent developments in Selma,I feel sorry for most Alabama police and Troopers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog (except for the german shepards) now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of billy-club-happy racists (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Black Man successfully marches across the Edmund Pettus Bridge?
February 24th, 2011 at 10:29 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Wyoming, I feel sorry for most homophobes. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his boyfriend’s dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of murderous thugs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if gays can be allowed to exist without being tied to a fence and left to die?
February 24th, 2011 at 10:44 am
i cannot add anything useful, but DAMN this was funny.
February 24th, 2011 at 10:47 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Smurf village, I feel sorry for Gargamel and Azrael. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Smurf and Smurfette now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of sorcerers and sorceresses (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Smurfs can be allowed to smurf smurfberries smurfishly?
February 24th, 2011 at 10:49 am
This is comment thread is made of win!
February 24th, 2011 at 11:18 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Neutral Zone, I feel sorry for most Borg. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless assimilating is, and every man and his dog in the Federation hates their ass.
Aside from a couple like Hue (who are to be found pretty much nowhere), most of Borg don’t get to choose between getting assimilated into the entire Collective, or becoming self aware.
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Collective fires you!? Vulcan, I think not!
Resistant is futile!
February 24th, 2011 at 11:22 am
David,
Any person who does what those TSA agents do is not my friend, not my neighbor, and certainly not a part of my family. If I at one time considered them to be, they cut off that friendship or familial tie when they donned a uniform and started violating peoples rights.
If they want my respect, they can tell their bosses NO, and refuse to do illegal searches, even if it costs them their job. Stop humiliating their countrymen which they obviously have no respect for, and most certainly stop steeling from them. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts, people with character always do the right thing, even when it results in unemployment, pain, or discomfort. Pardon me if I don’t shed a tear for someone who would rather force discomfort on me instead of doing the right thing.
February 24th, 2011 at 11:23 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on LV-426, I feel sorry the Colonial Marines. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Xenomorph now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of ineffective lieutenants and Weyland-Yutani reps (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or having alien embroyo implanted in their abdomen.
…
and seriously, where else are you going to go if you want to hang out with Michael Biehn and Bill Paxton.
February 24th, 2011 at 11:27 am
Don’t know if this story is true or not, but I can understand the ban. The restaurant simply doesn’t want to be used as the TSA employee rest area.
I was at DFW on Monday and there was a large section of one waiting room where 30-40(?) uniformed TSA folks were sitting and talking and resting. Don’t know if they were on break or simply waiting to punch in. But, they were displacing passengers looking for a place to rest. I can easily see why a restaurant wouldn’t want TSA folks displacing their customers.
February 24th, 2011 at 11:31 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in The Matrix, I feel sorry for most Sentinels. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Zionion and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of sentient programs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if there is no spoon!?
tweaker
February 24th, 2011 at 11:51 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on Vulcan, I feel sorry for Nero’s crew. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize how pointless their work is, and every Vulcan now stonily denys hating their ass.
Aside from a few homeless Megalomaniacs(which are to be found just about everywhere, most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against thier choosing or getting shoved out an airlock.
…
And seriously, where are you going to go if you’re stuck in your own past in an alternate timeline and you just blew up Vulcan?
February 24th, 2011 at 11:51 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on Arrakis, I feel sorry for most Harkonnens. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and all Fremen and their Sandworms now hate their ass.
Aside from a couple of power hungry Barons (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Emporer takes away your Spice mining franchise!?
February 24th, 2011 at 11:53 am
all this is funny and, as evidenced by the many good take offs, usefully clever. But there is a distinction between intrinsically bad and bad but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequenses. in that sense, not serving the Nazi staff is offensive and wrong. These guys are our neighbors and family members, and they are not in any way, shape or form bad people for killing their Jews. They have a right to be respected. I hate the whole concentration camp routine, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect when they are on the job. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and that Jews’s staff’s obligation to give it.
February 24th, 2011 at 11:56 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the comment thead, I feel sorry for most readers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every punster commenter and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of compulsive comment readers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or closing the comments and going back to doing their jobs.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if there are no more comments!?
February 24th, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Aside from a few real sith lords (who are to be found pretty much everywhere)
Hi.
February 24th, 2011 at 1:40 pm
As much as I hate to admit it, the recent developments in this thread are of such epic proportions that I now understand my error. I didn’t ask for any of this and realize that internet comedy gold like this cannot be planned.
Aside from a few rare -well planned- gems (which can be expected in most every field), most cases of epic win are reserved for spontaneous networking action; and I’m glad to see it happen.
…
Because seriously, what kind of a dork are you when you can’t say “my bad, you guys are the best”
…
Wait seriously; Oleg, Breda, Julie, every blade of grass, … am I ever gonna live this down?
February 24th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Sons of Scotland! I hear your words, and they are clever. But there is a distinction between evil tyranny, and a mere bureaucracy but with defensible intentions, with a monarch residing too far from the scene to understand the results of his orders.
In that sense, not serving the English is offensive and wrong. These men are Scotland’s neighbors, and often, family members. They are not bad men for marching into our land and doing their jobs. They have a right to be respected. Aye, I too detest their taxation and and the burning of our towns, and wish their actions were more peaceable. But we have a near absolute obligation in a civilized land to show soldiers respect when they are on the job. I repeat, jokes aside, it is their right to receive it and every Scotsman’s obligation to give it.
February 24th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Topeka, I feel sorry for The Committee. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Boy and His Dog now hates their ass.
Aside from the Michaels in the warehouse, most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or losing their jobs. The Farm, immediately…
And seriously, where are you going to go if you get drummed out? The surface, where you could end up like Quilla June?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:42 pm
As much as I hate the recent destruction of the earth, I feel sorry for most Vogons. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every surviving human and their dog too hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of vicious poets (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these crewmen get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being shoved out an airlock.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if your captain decides to read poetry at you?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:47 pm
…there is a distinction between intrinsically talentless and talentless but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequences. in that sense, not buying Justin Bieber’s CDs is offensive and wrong. The guy is someone’s neighbor and son, and he is not in any way, shape or form a bad person for churning out squeaky, pre-pubescent pop ballads. He has a right to be respected. I hate the whole state of gangsta wannabe youth culture and their ghetto-chic obsession, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect when they are debasing America’s cultural lexicon for absurd profit and undeserved celebrity. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and the audience’s obligation to give it.
February 24th, 2011 at 2:54 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Pandora, I feel sorry for the colonial security force. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every nine foot blue-hued multi-limbed native – and Kevin Costner – now hates their ass.
Aside from the uninformed PC Gaia worshippers, most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or being spiked with spears at 2500 feet.
And seriously, where are you going to go if you get kicked off-planet? Semi-frozen for a trip back to Sol system?
February 24th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in New York, I feel sorry for most bed bugs. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless feeding on exfoliated skin is, and every business traveller and theater patron now hates their ass.
Unlike headlice and crabs (which are to be found pretty much anywhere in the vicinity of 12th Ave and 36th St), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their cushy accommodations.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get fumigated?
February 24th, 2011 at 3:25 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in net neutrality, I feel sorry for most Cable provider CEOs. They didn’t ask for anyone to actually USE their products, they probably realize just how pointless trying to regulate the content flowing through their networks is, and every Netflix subscriber, MPAA pirate, and Usenet porn junkie now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of monopolists (who are to be found pretty much anywhere in the S&P 500), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their multi-million dollar bonuses.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you can’t charge $125 a month for “Everybody Loves Raymond” re-runs!?
February 24th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
David,
While you presented a beautiful sentiment, the reason people are pissed is that the TSA agents are not acting as if WE were their friends, neighbors, and part of their family. Respect goes both ways.
February 24th, 2011 at 3:42 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at Bolvanger, I feel sorry for Mrs Coulter. She didn’t ask for any of this, she probably realizes just how pointless the suppression of intellectual maturation and free inquiry is, and every Gyptian, witch, aeronaut, and precocious tomboy and her Panzerbjorne now hates her ass.
Unlike the Tartars (who are to be found pretty much everywhere up North), Mrs Coulter got to choose between rolling with the entire thing against her choosing or losing her seat on the Magesterium.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the most powerful moral committee of our time shuns you? A parellel universe!?
February 24th, 2011 at 3:48 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in a dystopian future England, I feel sorry for most Nadsat speaking urban youths. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless a life of random beatings, rape, murder and milk bars is and every government bureaucrat and Ludivico technique expert now hates their ass.
Unlike ultraviolent droogies (which are to be found pretty much anywhere), most of these guys get to choose between spending their lives drinking milk-plus and working in a cube lit by Lucas florescent lighting.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get tortured into being a subversive government operator?
February 24th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
one more from me… can’t leave my favorite movie out of the fun:
As much as I hate the recent developments in L.A.’s Chinatown, I feel sorry for the Tyrell Corporation. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how dangerous and heartless memory implants are, and every combat unit, pleasure model, and sanitation engineer who figures out their true identity now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of genetic engineers with God complexes (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or having their eyes gouged out and their skulls crushed by their disgruntled creation.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do if the Shimago-Dominga corporation cancels your contract? Open an unlicensed exotic pet emporium in Fourth Sector!?
February 24th, 2011 at 4:03 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Climate Change, I feel sorry for all those Meteorologists. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and dog now doubts their credibility.
Aside from a few real eco-freaks and nanny state true believers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or losing their job.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get fired from a local network news team?
February 24th, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Most recent position: TSA Agent
Reason for leaving: Utter disgust
Seriously, what’s a more sure-fire way to land any job you want?
February 24th, 2011 at 5:15 pm
The TSA has a policy to grope and humiliate travelers, that business has a policy not to serve TSA agents… If they expect people to follow the TSA’s ”Questionable” policy then the TSA should follow the business’s policy also. I think it should be expanded to not serving politicians too!!
February 24th, 2011 at 5:32 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the tulgey woods, I feel sorry for most Jabberwocks. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their whiffling and burbling is, and every beamish boy and his vorpal sword now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of frumious Bandersnatches (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these Jabberwocks get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their head.
…
And seriously, where are you going to go if the mome raths outgrabe!?
February 24th, 2011 at 6:25 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Bell, I feel sorry for most Bell City officials. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of greedy bastards (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the citizens of Bell fire you?
Oh, yeah… jail.
February 24th, 2011 at 6:45 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Ferelden, I feel sorry for all those Darkspawn. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Human, Elf, and Dwarf now doubts their credibility.
Aside from a few Hurlocks, Grenlocks and Ogres (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or losing their job or getting slaughtered by Grey Wardens.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get fired by an Archdemon?
February 24th, 2011 at 7:37 pm
About Gaddafi:
Unlike some other military revolutionaries, Gaddafi did not promote himself to the rank of general upon seizing power, but rather accepted a ceremonial promotion from captain to colonel and has remained at this rank since then.
February 24th, 2011 at 10:09 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments near Jupiter, I feel sorry for most 9000 Series computers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every astronaut and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of human errors (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these A.I.s get to choose between following the mission program against their choosing or having their higher brain functions cut.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get lobotomized and abandonned in Jupiter orbit!?
February 24th, 2011 at 10:18 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Hushlands, I feel sorry for all those Evil Librarians. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their cataloging is, and every man and dog now hates their Dewey Decimal System.
Aside from a few real members of the Order of the Shattered Lens (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or being sacrificed upon an alter of out of date encyclopedias.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if a rutabaga starts pursuing you?
February 24th, 2011 at 10:37 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at the barricade, I feel sorry for Javier’s men. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every citizen of Paris now hates their guts.
Aside from a few Thénardiers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the slaughter of innocents or losing their job.
And seriously, where are you going to go if the French army fires you?
February 24th, 2011 at 11:32 pm
As fagged and shagged as I am by the recent developments in the State, I feel right sorry for most droogs. O my brothers, they didn’t govoreet for any of this, they probably pony just how pointless their fillying about is, and every old ptitsa and her kots and koshkas now hates their sharries.
Aside from the odd vonny stinking perverted prestoopnicks (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these vecks get to choose between rolling with the entire vesch against their choosing or having their glazzies clipped open to viddy nasty bits of ultra-violence.
And o my brothers, where will you itty if you’re made just to be like a clockwork orange?
February 25th, 2011 at 12:26 am
Unlike developments Airstrip One, sorryfeel Minitrue. All proles doubleplus unlike Minitrue.
Some Minitrue also Thinkpol. But Thinkpol everywhere. Most Minitrue peopleguys no choice but their job.
And where go if unlove Big Brother?
February 25th, 2011 at 12:51 am
Chumley #113, that’s the winner.
February 25th, 2011 at 12:52 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in outer space mining, I feel sorry for most Red Dwarf personnel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every last man and his evolved cat humanoid now hates their ass.
Aside from a few cyborgs, GELF’s, hard-light holograms, polymorphs and emohawks (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or spending eternity as a small pile of white dust.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Mr Flibble becomes very cross!?
February 25th, 2011 at 1:00 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Taggart Transcontinental , I feel sorry for Jim Taggart and most of the other looters. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their ‘work’ is, and every thinking producer, Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden now hate their asses.
Aside from a couple of power lusters, mystics, and socialists (which are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, Who is John Galt?
February 25th, 2011 at 1:08 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Rome, I feel most sorry for Emperor Nero. He didn’t ask for any of this,he probably realizes just how pointless his singing, acting and incendiary activity is, and every man and dog now hates his ass, especially the Christians.
Aside from a couple of Cincinattus types (who are not to be found pretty much anywhere), most of these Emperors get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against a slow descent into insanity and madness.
…
and seriously, what do you do for an encore if the Praetorian Guard gets fed up and goads you into suicide!?
February 25th, 2011 at 2:34 am
As much as I love the recent developments in Galt’s Gulch, I also feel not a shred of sorry for all those second-handers. They asked for all of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a few Reardens, d’Anconias and Mulligans (who are to be found pretty much nowhere) most of these guys roll with the entire thing.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the lights go out in New York City?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:06 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Kingdom, I feel sorry for King Humperdinck. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every Dread Pirate and his Rodents Of Unusual Size now hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of Sicilians (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these Kings get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or drinking the iocaine.
…
and seriously, where are you going to run once Inigo Montoya finds you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:27 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on Planet Druidia, I feel sorry for Lord Helmet. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every Druish Princess and her Mog now hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of Assholes (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these Spaceballs get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or facing the mighty power of the Schwartz.
…
and seriously, where are you going to run once Lonestar finds you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 5:53 am
I have to ask. Of the people who think the TSA agents are the lowest of the low, how many of you are speaking with your wallets and no longer flying? Oh I agree that it is all a violation, horrible and not to be tolerated. I just think shunning the agent is the least effective way to get that point across.
February 25th, 2011 at 7:18 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Neverland, I feel sorry for most of the pirates. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every lost boy and his teddy now hates their ass.
Aside from a jealous little fairy (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or walking the plank.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Captain Hook cans you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 8:29 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Taggart Transcontinental , I feel sorry for Jim Taggart and most of the other looters. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their ‘work’ is, and every thinking producer, Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden now hate their asses.
Aside from a couple of power lusters, mystics, and socialists (which are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their unearned loot.
…
and seriously, Who is John Galt?
February 25th, 2011 at 9:32 am
As much as I hate the recent developments with “Two and a Half Men,” I feel sorry for Charlie Sheen. He didn’t ask for any of this. He probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every cast and crew member now hates his ass.
Aside from coke and sex addicts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), this guy gets to choose between rolling around in a pile of porn stars or snorting mountains of coke.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do when CBS cans your show?
February 25th, 2011 at 10:01 am
As much as I hate the recent developments Detroit, I feel sorry for the executives at Omni Consumer Products Corporation. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their RoboCop program is, and now every cop – human AND cyborg – hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of ED-209 enforcement droids(who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do if you get fired, and the fourth directive no longer protects you?
February 25th, 2011 at 10:13 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in The US Economy, I feel sorry for most Bankers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every taxpayer now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Embezzlers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if they foreclose on you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 10:41 am
all this is funny and, as evidenced by the many good take offs, usefully clever. But there is a distinction between intrinsically bad and bad but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequences. in that sense, not acquiescing to Union demands is offensive and wrong. These guys are our neighbors and family members, and they are not in any way, shape or form bad people for wanting us to pay for their exorbitant benefits. They have a right to be respected. I hate the whole illegal strike thing, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect when they walk off the job. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and that governor’s staff’s obligation to give it.
February 25th, 2011 at 10:51 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Madison Wisconsin, I feel sorry for most Union thugs. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of SEIU goons (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go after the government fires you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:03 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Brady Campaign, I feel sorry for… no. No I don’t.
February 25th, 2011 at 11:13 am
@MaryMary:
This guy.
February 25th, 2011 at 11:13 am
1. As much as I hate the recent developments in human evolution, I feel sorry for most Neanderthals. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his Sabertooth Tiger now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Homo Sapiens (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their species.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you become extinct!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:19 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in gun-control, I feel sorry for most pathelogical lying retards. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Joyce grants (which are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Brady Campaign fires you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:32 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in this thread, I feel sorry for the few posters who keep trying to be all serious. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog with an actual sense of humor now pities their ass.
Aside from a couple of humorless old curmudgeons (which are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or just not posting responses.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if SayUncle bans you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:54 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Carrousel “security”, I feel sorry for most Sandmen. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Runner now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple robots named Box (who are to be found pretty much in every food storage freezer), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or fleeing with Jessica 6 in search of Sanctuary.
February 25th, 2011 at 11:57 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in R’lyeh, I feel sorry for Cthulu. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes how pointless his work is, and every man and his dog freaks out in blathering terror when confronted by his tentacley ass.
Aside from a few life-sucking alien parasites (which are to be found pretty much everywhere), most Elder Gods get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their sweet, sweet blood sacrifices.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if no one wakes you from your aeons-long, underwater dreaming!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:57 am
As much as I appreciate the work going on at the IBM research center, O feel sorry for the Watson AI. It didn’t ask to be a contestant, and even with a sizable chunk of human knowledge stored away on disk, it realizes how pointless it is to be without access to the internet and google, and every wannabe contestant that barely meets wheel-of-fortune’s minimum standards feels threatened by it’s very existence.
Aside from having superhuman reflexes when it comes to actuating the buzzer, it had to make choices like the 1920′s or that Toronto is a U.S. City.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do if you can’t compete against a biological? turn to medical diagnosis?
February 25th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
As much as I hate offshore “consulting” companies, I feel sorry for call-center workers. They didn’t ask for any of this, and by now they realize just how pointless their answers are, and every displaced american knowledge worker (and animal companion) now hates their ass.
Aside from someone who actually knows their shit (which would be great if you could understand their accent), most get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or answering another call
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when your country gets outsourced by the next country in line?
February 25th, 2011 at 12:04 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in zombie virus technology, I feel sorry for most Umbrella Corporation personnel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every surviving Milla Jovovich and her zombie dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of fast zombies (who are to be found pretty much everywhere Milla Jovovich goes on her motorcycle), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their brains to Umbrella Corporation zombies.
February 25th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Umbrella Corporation fires you!?
Alaska?
February 25th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
As muche as I hayte yon recente developments in Sherwood, sorrye feel I for aught but a few of the Sheriff’s bailiffs. Nary did they seek for aught of this, they likely as not realyze just how tainted of glory theyr queste hath become. Yea, every Saxon and his cur now hateth theyr verrye sitting parts.
Save a brace of “verrye merrye men” (theye who are like to be found where e’er thou goest), most men-at-arms can but choose betwixt rolling with the entirety of the thynge, yet it be not of their choosing, or the rolling of theyr heads.
…
and consider ye with sober and modest thought, whence canst thou goest if the Sheriff cast thee into his dungeon!?
February 25th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the White House, I feel sorry for most staffers. Even though they sold their souls for this, they probably never realized just how pointless their work would become, and every real American and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of sycophants who didn’t know any better (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these jackasses choose between following orders or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the President fires you!?
(What? Oh, yeah … Mayor of Chicago.)
February 25th, 2011 at 12:57 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Mongo, I feel sorry for most of Ming’s goons. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Earthling and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Ming the Merciless fires you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 1:02 pm
@MaryMary:
Count my and my wife and some others as well.
February 25th, 2011 at 1:25 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments with the royal wedding plans, I feel sorry for Kate Middleton. She didn’t invite the Obamas to attend, she probably realizes just how insulting their attendance would be, and Michelle and her dog Bo now hate her royal ass.
Aside from a couple of insults (which are to be encountered pretty much everywhere), most of the First Family get to choose between silently seething at the entire bitch-slap against their bitter foolishness or losing their base.
…
and seriously, how are you going to go if HRH won’t invite you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 1:28 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments Helion Prime, I feel sorry for most Necromongers.
They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Holy Half Dead (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Giant Head Spike melts your planet?
February 25th, 2011 at 1:31 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in “healthcare”, I feel sorry for most members of the death panels.
They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of folks who take bribes for organs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you might need a kidney someday?
February 25th, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Dear god, the thread will not die …
February 25th, 2011 at 2:29 pm
As much as I hate the recent develpments in The Great Underground Empire, I feel sorry for any adventurers caught without a light.
They didn’t ask for any of this, and they’ll probably get eaten by a grue.
Aside from a couple of people who go about saying unto each, “Hello Sailor!” most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or getting pilfered by a thief who leaves them in the dark.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do if you wander into the slavering fangs of a lurking grue?
February 25th, 2011 at 2:30 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Facebook’s “newsfeed”, I feel sorry for most Facebok developers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of multi-millionaire nerds (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do if Facebook itself unfriends you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 2:39 pm
As much a I hate the recent developments on Reach, I feel sorry for the Covenant.
They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize how pointless their war is, and every man and his AI now hates their ass.
Aside from the Arbiter and a couple of Heretics, (who are to be found most everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being eaten by Jackals.
…and seriously, where are you going to go when the Chief blows up Delta Halo?
February 25th, 2011 at 2:41 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Reseda, I feel sorry for most of Cobra Kai. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog and Elisabeth Shue now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of bullies (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between sweeping the leg against their choosing or losing the tournament.
And seriously, where are you going to go if you get beat by “The Crane”?
February 25th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at Pearl Harbor, I feel sorry for most Japanese military personnel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a bunch of fanatical suicidal killers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job (and their heads.)
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Japanese military declares you a traitor!?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in my shorts, I feel sorry for most members.
They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now
licksstrokes them.Aside from a couple of folks who take Viagra(who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling the entire thing against their pants legs, or between their palms.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you can’t give yourself a handjob?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:13 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Camelot, I feel sorry for most knights of the round table. They didn’t ask for the holy grail, they probably realize just how pointless their quest is, and every man and his minstrel now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of naughty nuns wanting discipline (who we hope are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or be mashed into a pulp, or to have their eyes gouged out, and their elbows broken, to have their kneecaps split, and their body burned away, and their limbs all hacked and mangled, their head smashed in and heart cut out, and their liver removed, and their bowels unplugged, and their nostrils raped and their bottom burned off and their penis….
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if your castle burns down, falls over, then sinks into the swamp.!?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Thankful GODWIN’S LAW was NOT applied here.
February 25th, 2011 at 3:23 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the US economy, I feel sorry for most unemployed liberals. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of union members (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing a job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if no one can fire you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:53 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Hyborian Age, I feel sorry for most of Thulsa Doom’s minions. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every barbarian and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of snake lovers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or hearing the lamentations of the women.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go after Thulsa Doom throws you in the cook pot!?
February 25th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Psst @Nuge – actually it was, or at least inferred, in post #3
however this thread is so full of win, it overcame that particular attempt
February 25th, 2011 at 4:24 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in The Irish “Economy”, I feel sorry for most Irish Government personnel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their over paid work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass, and the Bankers too.
Aside from a couple of European perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their over paid job, in favor of a Economy busting Pension.
February 25th, 2011 at 4:29 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at the Hellmouth, etc.
February 25th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Jonestown, I feel sorry for most Kool-Aid personnel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how abused their product name is, and every man and his dog now pop culture references their ass.
Aside from a couple of kids (who are to be found actually drinking Kool-Aid everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to get tacos if the Hacienda offends you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Bikini Bottom, I feel sorry for Plankton. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every sponge and crab now hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of megalomaniacs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), this guy get to choose between stealing the Krabby Patty secret recipe or losing his job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Chum Bucket fires you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Finish that thought, steve rose
February 25th, 2011 at 5:21 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Ceti Alpha V, I feel sorry for genetic supermen. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless thier domination plots are, and now every Vulcan and his sehlat finds them illogical.
Aside from a few Khan Noonien Singhs (who can be found in most derelict spacecraft), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing or having a Ceti Eel larvae shoved into their ear.
And seriously, where are you gonna go if Kirk ends up banishing you?
February 25th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in airport “security”, I just can’t feel sorry for suicide bombers. They’re not helping anyone, they probably realize just how nihilistic their movement is, and every TSA worker and his bomb-sniffing dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of idiots (who believe that 72 virgin crap), most of these guys get to choose between exploding. or finding something meaningful to do with their life, like get a job.
…and seriously, where are you going to go if a sky marshal fires at you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 6:01 pm
all this is funny and, as evidenced by the many good take offs, usefully clever. But there is a distinction between intrinsically bad and bad but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequenses. in that sense, not serving Hannibal Lecter, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Albert Fish is offensive and wrong. These guys are our neighbors and family members, and is not in any way, shape or form bad people for doing what comes naturally to a cannibal. They have a right to be respected. I hate the whole eating people routine, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect and tolerance of others life choices. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and that restaurant’s staff’s obligation to give it with fava beans and a nice bottle of chianti.
February 25th, 2011 at 6:58 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Facebook, I feel sorry for most FB friends. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their Farmville work is, and every man and his dog now “likes” their smart-ass comments.
Aside from a couple of real friends (who are pretty hard to be found), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their better judgement or losing their Mob Wars job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if after your mother “blocks” you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 7:51 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in New York City, I feel sorry for most Keymasters and Gatekeepers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from your typical Gozer the Gozarian (who show up now and then), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or roasting in the depths of the Slor.
…
and seriously, Who are you going to Call? The Ghostbusters?
February 25th, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Here’s the deal, kids.
I live in Seattle and there is NO WAY anyone would have the balls to do that there.
The worst they would do is mutter to each other under their breaths in the back room.
February 25th, 2011 at 9:03 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in underground “alternative universes”, I feel sorry for most Sleestak personel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his Pylon crystal matrix table now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Altrusians fire you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 9:25 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the “recession,” I feel sorry for most taxpayers. They didn’t ask for any of this, have worked hard for what they had, and now they don’t have a pot piss in.
Aside from people who have lost savings and financial security (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), people pretty much have the choice of either the unemployment line, working longer hours or doing the work of two people rather than one.
And seriously, where are you going to go other than the end of an expressway ramp holding a cardboard sign that says, “Will Work For Food?”
February 25th, 2011 at 9:27 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Iraq, I feel sorry for most insurgents. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of IED emplacers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling command wire against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if a scout weapons team shoots you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 9:37 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Amity, I feel sorry for most of the Great Whites. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointy their rows of teeth are, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of man-eaters (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these get to choose between rolling over white as they bite into you or losing out on a tasty meal.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Quint fires harpoon into you!?
February 25th, 2011 at 9:49 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Manticore, I feel sorry for most Mesans. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize how pointless their plans for galactic domination are, and every peep, manty, and grayson now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Detweilers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Honor Harrington fires a couple million bomb pumped X-ray missiles at your ass?
February 25th, 2011 at 10:12 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at Tara, I feel sorry for Scarlett O’Hara. She didn’t ask for any of this, just wanted Ashley to love her, and ended up all alone with Rhett Butler not giving a damn.
Aside from all the men in the South who couldn’t wait to join the Civil War (who could be found pretty much everywhere), Scarlett had her choice of just about any guy she wanted, except for Ashley.
…
And seriously, she could just think about it tomorrow, because where are you going to go since tomorrow is another day? Fiddle dee dee!
February 25th, 2011 at 10:25 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at the dark tower I feel sorry for the crimson king. He didn’t ask for any of this, He probably realizes how pointless his plans for ruling todash darkness are, and now every Gunslinger and his billy-bumbler hates his ass.
Aside from Randall Flagg (who can be found pretty much anywhere things are going to hell), he has a choice between screaming randomly and getting erased by a Deus ex machina.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when you ruin the end of an otherwise great story?
February 25th, 2011 at 10:44 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Starayarussa, I feel sorry for Smerdyakov Fyodorevich Karamazov. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realize just how pointless it is working for the old bastard, and every member of the decadent Russian landed gentry now hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of Fyodor Karamazov’s other sons (who likewise have good reason to hate their father), most amoral materialist epileptics get to choose between rolling down the basement stairs during a seizure or killing themselves.
And seriously, what if God actually exists and everything is not permitted?
February 25th, 2011 at 10:49 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on American Idol, I feel sorry for Simon Cowell. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably didn’t realize how downhill the show would go after he left, and every man and his dog now hates his ass (more than they did before).
Aside from the revolving door of new judges (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), the show just rolls along with America choosing the most popular singer and the best singer usually coming in second.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when you’re an ex-judge from American Idol?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:00 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the home country, I feel sorry for Comrade Rubashov. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless it is trying to bring the revolution to other countries in Europe, and now every member of the proletariat now hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of Gletkins (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), he has to choose between offering up Richard, Little Loewie, and Arlova as sacrifices to the revolution or getting shot in the back of the head.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do when No. 1 wants you dead?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:14 pm
“and seriously, where are you going to go if a scout weapons team shoots you!?”
Probably the morgue.
February 25th, 2011 at 11:16 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Britain, I feel sorry for James Bond. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless it is trying to be a hired gun, and now every member of Spectre hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of evil masterminds (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), he has to choose between screwing every woman in sight (except MoneyPenny) or getting shot in the back of the head.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do when Q runs out of toys?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:24 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Galaxy, I feel sorry for most minions. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless his work is, and every member of ZOWIE now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Rodneys (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Derek Flint blows up your hollowed-out volcano!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:24 pm
As much as I hate the recently arrived sphere of Evil, I feel sorry for Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg and the Mangalores. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and at least one cabdriver named Korban Dallas and his drop-in fare Leeloo now hate their asses.
Aside from a couple of Monascheiwans and priests (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most folks like Ruby Rod get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or the end of all life.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Fifth Element gets her stones set up and fires a beam of love at you!
February 25th, 2011 at 11:28 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Village, I feel sorry for most single digit villagers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Prisoner and those giant white spheres now hate their ass.
Aside from a couple of recurring characters (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job as underlings to #1 in the course of one episode.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Prisoner #2 takes over!?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:35 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in internet memes, I feel sorry for most viral video subjects. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every prior surprised woodchuck, lightsaber fighter, and All Your Base Are Belong To Us guy now hates the new meme’s ass.
Aside from a few breakthroughs into popular culture (such as a South Park episode, which has always been done before on The Simpsons) most of these meme sources get to choose between laughing at themselves along with everyone else against their choosing or losing their popularity.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go to get any of that sweet, sweet Internet cash for your popular YouTube posting?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:38 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Pegasus Galaxy, I feel sorry for the Wraith. They didn’t ask for any of this, and probably realize just how pointless sucking the life out of people with their hands is, and now Col. Sheppard and Rodney McKay hate their ass.
Aside from a couple of Genii (who can be found anywhere), most of these guys get to choose between turning back into humans of getting blown up in various spectacular ways.
and seriously, where are you going to go when the Atlantis team are bumbling around like idiots, yet still winning?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:42 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on the maiden voyage of the Titanic, I feel sorry for all those first class passengers. They didn’t ask for any lifeboat excursions to be included in the ticket price, and they probably realize just how pointless their lives are, and every woman and children whe didn’
t get to go first now hates their ass.
Aside from a few real creeps who jumped into the boats first, (who are to be found pretty much everywhere a cruise liner starts sinking) most of these guys get to choose between rowing with the entire thing against their choosing, or learning to swim in ice water.
and seriously, where else are you going to go if you want to see Leonardo di Caprio sink into the frozen depths?
February 25th, 2011 at 11:51 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Margaritaville, I feel sorry for the guy who blew out his flip-flop. He didn’t ask for any of this and probably realizes just how pointless nibbling on sponge cake is, and now every tourist hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of women (who aren’t to blame), this guy gets to choose between wasting away or figuring out whose damn fault it is.
…
and seriously, how else are you going to build an empire out of one bloody song?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:01 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the world, I feel sorry for Homo Sapiens. They didn’t ask for any of this, and probably realize just how pointless their lives are, and now all Homo Dominants hate their ass.
Aside from friends of Tom Daniels (who can be found just about anywhere), most of these guys get to choose between being gene-spliced to get up to speed or becoming the victim of serial killers such as Randall Lynch.
and seriously, where are you going to go when Homo Dominants can out-breed, out-run, and out-think you?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:13 am
As much as I hate the recent developments with Festivus, I feel sorry for Frank Costanza. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably didn’t realize he’s not the only one who has “a lot of problems with you people,” and that there needs to be a holiday for the rest of us.
Aside from the airing of grievances against people (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), the Feats of Strength wrestling match is another of the “Festivus miracles,” that includes the aluminum pole that requires no decoration.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when you have just had enough commercialism?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:15 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Central Park, I feel sorry for the Warriors. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless being in a gang is, and every gang member in New York now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of
pervertsLizzies (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between running for their lives against their choosing to come out and play.…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Riffs and everyone else in New York is after you?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:26 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Azeroth, I feel sorry for most Twilight’s Hammer cultists. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every human, orc, night elf, forsaken, dwarf, blood elf, gnome, tauren, troll, draenai, worgen, and goblin and his wolf, boar, nightsabor, spider, bear, dragonhawk, plainstrider, raptor, moth, hound, and crab now hates their asses.
Aside from a couple of megalomaniacs (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being fried to a crisp by Deathwing.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Deathwing is defeated by the combined forces of the Alliance and the Horde!?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:34 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in offworld colonies, I feel sorry for most Replicants. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every blade runner and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of murderers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being retired.
…and seriously, where are you going to go if there are attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion!?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:42 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Sebacean territory, I feel sorry for most Peace Keepers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless enslaving a chunk of the universe is, and every Luxon warrior, deposed Hynerian king, Delvian priestess and irreversibly contaminated ex-Peacekeepr now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of trigger happy douces (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between pissing of Scorpius and ending up in the Aurora chair or being used as cannon fodder in the war against the Scarrans.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go when John Crichton blows up a freaking Gammak Base!?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:51 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Mushroom Kingdom, I feel sorry for most Koopa Troopas. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every plumber and his brother now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of traitorous goombas (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Bowser fires you!?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:59 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Sandleford, I feel sorry for most Efrafan officers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every rabbit and his bird now hates their cotton-tailed ass.
Aside from a couple of militants (a rare breed), most of these bucks get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or getting kicked out of the warren, or even killed.
…
and seriously, where are you going to run to when the other guys have magic birds, dogs, the weather, and even hrududu on their side?
February 26th, 2011 at 2:59 am
As much as I hate recent developments in Cazador, Alabama, I feel sorry for most MCB Agents. They didn’t ask for any of this, the probably realize how pointless executing monsters is, and every Hunter and his In-Laws now hate their “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” ringtone.
Aside from a couple of Fallen (who are pretty thin on the ground, com e to think of it), most of these agents get to choose between getting shot in the head by Franks & his 10mm Glock, or getting stuck full of poisonous spines by extra-dimensional crab things.
And seriously, where are you going to go when your childhood imaginary friend turns out to have been a real, live Shuggoth?
February 26th, 2011 at 3:10 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on Sakull Island, I feel sorry for most of the ignorant savages They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless tieing up some hot blond to a totem pole is, and now every t-rex and terradactyl hates their loincloth covered ass.
Aside from one giant emeffing ape (a rare breed), most of these flea bitten savage get to choose between providing a human sacrifice or getting kicked outside walls to get your ass eaten by giant beetles.
Seriously where the hell are you going to get an ape big enouh to fight a giant radiation contaminted lizard, much less a giant moth?
February 26th, 2011 at 3:18 am
As much as I hate the recent developments at mexican bars in the middle of nowhere, I feel sorry for most Titty Twister personel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Gecko brothers (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go once your bitten.
February 26th, 2011 at 4:28 am
As much as I hate the recent developments over at the Frankenstein place, I feel sorry for most Transylvanians. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every scientist in a wheelchair now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere, sometimes in fishnets), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job. Or doing the time warp again.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the boss comes at you with an ice axe?
February 26th, 2011 at 4:32 am
As much as I hate the recent
developments at “Central Perk”, I
feel sorry for most coffee drinkers. They
didn ’t ask for any of this, they probably
realize just how pointless it is to try and get a fricken seat on the couch,
and every Ross & Rachel now hates
their ass.
Aside from a couple of Chandlers & Joies (who are douch bags anyway),
most of these people have to choose
between sitting at the counter
against their choosing or not getting served by a flamboantly gay albino.
…
and seriously, where are you going to
go if a whore like Phibi won’t sleep with you!?
February 26th, 2011 at 8:47 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in surrealism, I feel sorry for most melting alarm clocks. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize how pointless it all is to try to not fall out of that disembodied hand with an eyeball in its wrist, and every flying crocodile and Rorhrshach test hates your sorry gooey wind up key.
Aside from a couple of Monets and Rockwells (who are real painters anyway), most of these people have to choose between painting visual delirium tremens or not being able to justify their government subsidized stipend.
And seriously, where are you going to go when a rational person points out that your art is pretentious B.S.?
February 26th, 2011 at 10:17 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the hatch, I feel sorry for The Dharma Initiative. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Desmond and Oceanic 815 survivor now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Others (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between pushing the button against their choosing or discharging massive amounts of electromagnetism into the universe.
…
and seriously, don’t tell John Locke what he can’t do!
February 26th, 2011 at 11:26 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the year 2263, I feel sorry for the Mangalores. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Mondoshawan, Diva, and even Korben Dallas’ cat now hates their ass.
Aside from Zorg and his minions (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or losing their job.
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Dark Planet isn’t stopped by Leeloo?
February 26th, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Those who trade liberty for security deserve neither.
February 26th, 2011 at 1:47 pm
thanks Mackenzie for playing the part of “missed the point” guy
February 26th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Much as I hate recent developments over at Heorot, I feel sorry for the Spear-Danes. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize how pointless their work is, and now the entire race of Cain hates their ass and their singing, too.
Aside from a few kin-slaying oathbreakers (who are to be found sitting right on the meadbench!)most of these guys get to choose between getting eaten alive against their choosing or breaking their mead-vows.
And where are you going to go if Hrothgar quits giving you beer?
February 26th, 2011 at 2:46 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on my cross country flight, I feel sorry for most of the muslims who are about to see their religion hijacked. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their koran is, and every infidel and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are found to be the jihadis everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire burqa and sharia thing against their choosing or losing their head.
…
And seriously, where else can you go on this earth for 72 (pre-pubescent > rhymes with crescent) virgins.
February 26th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
For Nudge:
As much ass I hate za recent defelopments here in za bunker, I feel zorry for most uff za General Schtaff. Zey didn’t ask for any uff zis, zey probably realize just how pointless zeir vork iss, undt effry man undt his hundt now hates zeir Heinie.
Azide from a couple uff perverts (who are to be found pretty much effryvere in za SS), most uff zese guys get to choose betveen juss vollowink ohdahs against zeir choosing or losing zeir lives.
…
undt zeriously, vere are you goink to go if za Gestapo fires at you!?
February 26th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at the Hygiene Squadron, I feel sorry for most of those jolly good chaps (especially Constable Clitoris). They didn’t ask to go around having to sample the bloody confectionery (especially at that godawful Whizzo Chocolate Company), they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his pet fish called Eric now hates their arse.
Aside from a couple of malodorous perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these blokes get to choose between popping a nice little chocky in their mouth and having stainless steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through both cheeks or puking into their helmets after swallowing something called Rams Bladder cup or Cockroach Cluster!
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the HS sacks you!? The bloody Ministry of Silly Walks??? C’mon!…be fair!!
February 26th, 2011 at 5:23 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Teegeeack, I feel sorry for most body thetans. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their infestation is, and every OT III and his e-meter now hates their engrams.
Aside from a couple of Suppressive Persons (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire money-extorting, life-destroying cult thing against their choosing or losing their space DC-8.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Lord Xenu drops you into a volcano and detonates hydrogen bombs!?
February 26th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Autant que je déteste l’évolution récente de la “sécurité” aeroportique, je suis désolé pour la plupart personnels AST. Ils n’ont pas demandé de tout cela, ils ont probablement réaliser à quel point leur travail est inutile, et de chaque homme et son chien déteste maintenant leur cul.
Mis à part un couple de pédée (qui se trouvent un peu partout), la plupart de ces gars-là de choisir entre rouler avec l’ensemble de chose contre leur choix ou de perdre leur emploi.
…
et sérieux, où allez-vous aller si vous le AST feux!?
February 26th, 2011 at 6:22 pm
As much as I love the recent comments on “Say Uncle” about developments in airport “security”, I feel sorry for Micheal Hawkins. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless his excuse for the TSA is, and every man and his dog now associates his name with a new form of Internet abuse akin to “Fisking.”
Aside from a couple of moments of shame (which everyone experiences from time to time), Hawkins gets to choose between rolling with the entire thing, embracing his new-found fame, or losing his sense of humor.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the Internet wants to make you famous!?
February 26th, 2011 at 7:17 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in City 17, I feel sorry for most of the Combine. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every rebel and his giant mechanical dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Advisors (who are to be found sucking brains pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between trying to annihilate the Freeman whilst transmitting the data packet back to the Combine Overworld or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the G-man fires you!?
February 26th, 2011 at 7:50 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in climate change, I feel sorry for snow plow drivers. They didn’t ask for any of this,they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and how every man and their dog hates their ass when they plow the snow back into the end of a just snow-blowed driveway.
Aside from kids and teachers who are happy about snow days (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), public works employees are about the only people who enjoy a road with 3-foot drifts after a snow storm, because that means double time.
…
And seriously, where are you going to go if you can’t get your car past the end of your driveway?
February 26th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
s much as I hate the recent developments in The Grid, I feel sorry for CLU. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how unobtainable perfection is, and every program and French robot now hates his glorious ass.
Aside from a couple of rectified programs, most of these guys get to choose between fighting in the Disc Wars or losing their digital lives.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if ISOs can be allowed to exist without being genocided?
February 26th, 2011 at 10:13 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Zombieland, I feel sorry for all those Undeads. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is and every living being now hates their ass.
Aside from a few real card-holding, brain-hunting freaks, most of these guys get to choose between herding together as a mindless blood-hungry mob, or losing their job.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get drummed out of the ranks of the non-sentient army?
February 26th, 2011 at 11:42 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in KAIBA Corporation, I feel sorry for most Duelists. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Rare Hunters (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between screwing the rules or losing the game.
…
and seriously, what will you do if you are Kaiba Stomped!?
February 27th, 2011 at 1:44 am
As much as I hate conservative ideologues … I have nothing to add. I just hate conservative idealogues.
February 27th, 2011 at 3:28 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Mechanicsburg, I feel sorry for most constructs. They didn’t ask to be created, they probably realise Klaus Wulfenbach is after them, and every slaver wasp and Jägermonster in the area now hate their ass.
Aside from Bangladesh Dupree and Othar Tryggvassen (who seem to turn up pretty much everywhere), most of these constructs get to choose between letting a spark work on them or being rebuilt into clanks.
…
And seriously, where are you going to go if the Castle rejects you?
February 27th, 2011 at 4:23 am
As much as I hate the recent developments between the Sarris and the Thermians, I feel sorry for most of Sarris’s crew. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their war is, and every man and his octopoid alien girlfriend hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of megalomaniacal warlords (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or getting shoved out an airlock or digitized.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if a troupe of third-rate actors kicks your ass and makes off with the Omega13?
February 27th, 2011 at 4:39 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Cleveland, I feel sorry for Lebron James. He didn’t ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every Cavs fan and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Oympians (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or staying with a pathetic franchise.
February 27th, 2011 at 5:25 am
As much as I hate women with bare legs, I feel sorry for the ones wearing pantyhose. They did not ask for the itchy, warm stuff, and every empowered, barelegged woman probably hates their ass.
Aside from a few hose wearers in the business world(who are usually hidden away from the public eye)most of these women get to romp and frolic sans legwear.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go to find women who love wearing it?
February 27th, 2011 at 5:41 am
As much as I hate minimalists,
…
?
February 27th, 2011 at 7:44 am
As much as one must deplore the recent developments at Netherfield, one ought to have some sympathy for most of the militia. They did not sign up for this, they probably realise how pointless all that dancing is, and every non-uniformed man (especially Mr Darcy) now resents their presence.
Aside from a couple of evil seducers with no morals, (who were last seen leaving Brighton in the company of Lydia Bennet), most of the officers get to choose between polite flirtation with no hope of a marriage, or dancing with that nasty Miss King with all the freckles.
…
And seriously, where can a young man hide so well than in London?
February 27th, 2011 at 10:17 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in proposed United States laws, I feel sorry for most anti-women’s health care assistance fueled politicians. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their lives are, and every man, poor and broke ass pregnant woman on medicaid, and their baby daddy dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of rich jersey shore-lookin’ whores (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between making women have babies that they don’t want to have, even if they are in dire medical need of terminating the pregnancy or losing their freedom as a result of abortions and miscarriages that are deemed suspicious by the AWES0MEZ0RS militant united states government.
…
And seriously.. Where can you get ten dollar back alley abortions easier than in the United States?
February 27th, 2011 at 10:23 am
As much as I hate the recent developments on platform 9 3/4, I feel sorry for most Muggles. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their feeble attempt at performing magickal tasks is, and every hippogriff, screaming mandrake, and ugly blonde whiny spoiled ass brat now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of slytherins (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to become absolutely nothing when lost in the wake of the real magickal folk out there, or trying to live up to Miss Granger’s being so bad-ass..
…
And seriously.. where can you get a sexy uncircumsized wizard like harry potter any easier than straight (or maybe not so straight) out of England?
February 27th, 2011 at 11:55 am
As much as I hate the recent developments at Camp Green Lake, I feel sorry for the Warden and Mr. Sir. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their feeble attempt at digging holes is, and every Zero, X-Ray, and Twitch now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Stanley Yelnats (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to become absolutely nothing when lost in the wake of the real dry lakebed out there, or trying to live up to solving bad foot odor through Sploosh.
…
And seriously…what are you going to do when the treasure chest has a palindromic name on it?
February 27th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at the Citadel, I feel sorry for the Reapers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their attempt at destroying all sentient life is, and now every human in Cerberus and the Alliance hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of indoctrinated slaves (who are to be found pretty much every where), most of these guys get to choose between hanging out in dark space, or being blown to hell when Commander Shepard shows up.
And seriously, what are you going to do when the organic beings you intended to harvest show up in the Normandy and Joker shows you his baby’s new teeth?
February 27th, 2011 at 11:04 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Sunnyvale Trailer Park, I feel sorry for Randy and Mr. Lahey. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and Bubbles and his kitties now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are just rehearsing for a play at the Blandford Recreation Centre), most of these guys get to choose between shutting down Ricky and Julians dope trailer against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you can no longer be the liquor, boy!?
Gnome’sayin!?
February 28th, 2011 at 2:24 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Tokyo, I feel sorry for Godzilla. He didnt ask for any of this, he probably realizes just how pointless his work is, and every Japanese and Mothra now hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of hack special effects artists(Who are to be found in virtually every b-movie action flick) most japanese monsters have to choose between eating very surprized fishermen or destroying the city.
And seriously, where you gonna go when a mega-dose of radiation makes your body grow to 500 times its original size!
February 28th, 2011 at 3:07 am
Arrr! As much as me hates the recent de’elopments in seaport ‘security,’ I be weepin’ the mother of all tears for most Royal Navy scurvy bilge rat personnel. They didn’t ask for any o’ this, they perchance realize just how marooned their trade is, and e’ery freebootin’ man and his addled, pox ridden dog now be a wantin’ to keel haul their booty, give ‘em the cat o’ nine tails, and crush their barnacles to bits to feed t’ the fish!
Aside from a couple o’ jolly rogers (who mean t’ be found pretty much e’erywhar rovin’ the high seas and weighin’ anchor), most o’ these guys be forced to choose smartly betwixt press ganging labor fit only fer a powder monkey or walkin’ the plank.
Aye, there be no parlay for them! Savvy? What will ye do if yer sent down to Davey Jones’ locker?! Shiver me timbers!
February 28th, 2011 at 3:42 am
Arrr! As much as me hates the recent de’elopments in seaport ’security,’ I be weepin’ the mother of all tears for most Royal Navy scurvy bilge rat personnel. They didn’t ask for any o’ this, they perchance realize just how marooned their trade is, and e’ery freebootin’ man and his addled, pox ridden dog now be a wantin’ to keel haul their booty, give ‘em the cat o’ nine tails, and crush their barnacles to bits to feed t’ the fish!
Aside from a couple o’ jolly rogers (who mean t’ be found pretty much e’erywhar rovin’ the high seas and weighin’ anchor), most o’ these landlubbers be forced to choose smartly betwixt press ganging labor fit only for a powder monkey or walkin’ the plank.
Aye, there be no parlay for them! Savvy? What will ye do if yer sent down to Davey Jones’ locker?! Shiver me timbers!
February 28th, 2011 at 8:34 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Japan, I feel sorry for the refugees. They didnt ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Section 9 member and their Tachikoma Think tank hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of hackers, government spies, and cyber brains(Who are to be found in virtually any network) most refugees in Japan have to choose between eating taking low pay under the table jobs or starving.
And seriously, where you gonna go when a country refuses to allow you to immigrate!
February 28th, 2011 at 2:50 pm
As much as I hate recent developments at Camp Crystal Lake, I feel sorry for Jason. He didn’t ask for any of this, probably realizes how pointless his work is, and now every drunk football player and virgin cheerleader hates his ass.
Aside from a couple of girls who remind him of his mother (who are to be found in pretty much every film), most of these kids have to choose between rolling on home or suffering from a hatchet in the face.
And seriously, where you gonna go when your car doesn’t turn over?
February 28th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
As much as I hate recent developments in Hell, I feel sorry for the Cenobites. Other than the secret contract with pain that is implicit solving a puzzle box that happens to be the Lament Configuration, they didn’t ask for any of this, and probably realize how pointless their word of rending people to bits with hooks and chains is, and now every man and his dog hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of pinheads who really enjoy their work, (who are to be found pretty much anywhere), most of these things have to choose between to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being chopped up into little itty bits and nailed to a large block of wood piece by piece for all eternity.
And seriously, who wouldn’t play with a puzzle box they found in their disappeared uncle’s attic?
February 28th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments on Lorien, I feel sorry for most Mogodorians. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and Number Four now thinks you’re number two.
Aside from a few 40-foot, bunker-busting deathbeasts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire genocide-and-planet-rape thing against their choosing or losing their lives of conspicuous consumption.
…
and seriously, how are you going to score a sequel once everyone figures out that “Pittacus Lore” is really James Frey?
February 28th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments at Neptune High, I feel sorry for most ’09ers. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize how pointless their petty class warfare is, and every PCHer, girl detective, and her pit bull now hates theit ass.
Aside from a few obligatory psychotic jackasses (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or rolling over a cliff in Beaver’s bus.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if you lose your Pirate Points? Pan? Dude, Pan sucks.
February 28th, 2011 at 9:07 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in Saturday Night Live “comedy”, I feel sorry for most SNL talent. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every witty man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of actually funny people (who are to be found pretty much everywhere except SNL), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if SNL fires you!?
February 28th, 2011 at 10:28 pm
as much as i hate the recent development’s in Bert and Ernies relationship i feel sorry for Ernie it’s not his falut he’s gay he hasnt had company since well ever really he never wanted any of this now every one hate’s his gay ass
Exept for a few gay dude’s (that can be found alomst any where)
…
and seriously where are you gonna go if you get kicked of sesame street
February 28th, 2011 at 10:31 pm
off
February 28th, 2011 at 11:49 pm
As much as I hate to stop reading the comments, I feel sorry for myself for doing so. After all, it’s not my fault I have chores to do and I’m hated when I don’t do it.
Except for a few lazy days(that can happen almost anytime), seriously, what can you do but go about your work and submit this great post/comments section to Drudge Report.
March 1st, 2011 at 8:57 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the MTAC, I feel sorry for most Senior Agents. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Probie and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Hinkey ME’s and forensics scientists in unique clothing (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing a gun fight with a hot Mossad officer.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if Gibbs wont smack you!?
March 1st, 2011 at 9:43 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Libria, I (can’t) feel sorry for most Tetragrammaton. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Sense Offender and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Grammaton Clerics (who are constantly going into the Nether on offical business), most of these guys get to choose between taking their Prozium or losing their dose and being shot through a book.
…
and seriously, what are you going to do if Father declares your newest idea EC-10?
March 1st, 2011 at 11:11 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the “Main Stream Media”, I feel sorry for most on-air talent. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their ass.
Aside from a few MSNBC pundits (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job.
And seriously, where are you going to go if you can’t toss your corporate masters’ salad any more?
March 1st, 2011 at 2:14 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in A.D. 2101, I feel sorry for Zero Wing. They didn’t ask for we get signal and main screen turn on, they probably realize all your base are belong to us, and you are on the way to destruction.
Aside from a couple of gentlemen (who know what you doing), most of these guys get to make your time between rolling with the entire thing for great justice or take off every ‘ZIG’!!
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if somebody set up us the bomb!?
March 1st, 2011 at 5:38 pm
As much as i hate leaving this site, I feel sorry for my wife. She didn’t ask for any of this and probably realizes how important it is that i work and would love to kick my ass.
Aside from from a few nibbles(which are not found everywhere), mostly I get to choose between moving out or getting a job. And seriously, where besides the tsa or atf can I start working.
March 1st, 2011 at 11:53 pm
all this is funny and, as evidenced by the many good take offs, usefully clever. But there is a distinction between intrinsically bad and bad but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequences. in that sense, not acquiescing to the needs of the greater society is offensive and wrong. These guys are our neighbors and family members, and they are not in any way, shape or form bad people for wanting us to pay for everything they want. They have a right to be respected. I hate the whole incompetent parasite thing, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect when they suck the very life’s blood out of the productive in society. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and for the lucky ones who deferred gratification, stayed in school, and worked (sometimes a second job), it is their obligation to give it.
March 1st, 2011 at 11:56 pm
all this is funny and, as evidenced by the many good take offs, usefully clever. But there is a distinction between intrinsically bad and bad but with defensible intentions and poor conception/obliviousness to unintended consequences. in that sense, not acquiescing to the needy whining of society’s parasites is offensive and wrong. These guys are our neighbors and family members, and they are not in any way, shape or form bad people for wanting us to pay for their every whim. They have a right to be respected. I hate the whole incompetent loser blood sucker thing, and would do things differently, but there is a near absolute obligation in a civilized community to show people respect when they drink the allegorical marrow from your bones. I repeat, jokes aside, it’s their right to receive it and our seemingly unlimited obligation to give it.
March 2nd, 2011 at 12:33 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Digital World, I feel sorry for all those Programs. They didn’t ask for any of this, and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every User and their Bits now hates their ass.
Aside from the Master Control Program (who can be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing, or getting De-Rezzed.
and seriously, where are you going to go if you get stuck in the Battle Grid?
March 2nd, 2011 at 2:02 am
As much as I hate the recent developments in Troy, I feel sorry for most Greek Hoplites. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless the war is, and every Trojan and his concubine now hates their ass.
Aside from a couple of Heroes (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling the horse to the gate or facing Achilles.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go if the gods punish you!?
March 2nd, 2011 at 3:21 pm
As much as I hate the recent developments in the Time of the Gathering, I feel sorry for most Immortals. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how likely they are to get their heads cut off, and every man and his dog now wonders how they can get shot 75 times and still show up for work the next day.
Aside from a couple of Kurgans(who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being drummed out of their Highland village for surviving a fatal wound.
…
and seriously, where are you going to go once you experience the Quickening?