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Discovering Junk

Got Junior out of the shower and then put The Second in the tub. I was sitting around when my wife walks in and says: You need to talk to your son. He has a question about his balls.

I sat there for a moment pondering what exactly a four year old could ask about his junk. And I settled on things like: What are they for? Why are they fun to play with? Why does it hurt when I get hit in them?

You know, typical ball stuff. Because, frankly, I had no idea what he was about to ask.

I walk in to the bathroom and he’s in the tub checking himself out. And I say Your mom said you had a question about your dudes? Then, he does something that if I did would cause me to lose the ability to walk for a few minutes. With a firm grip, he asks me Why they have “cracks” in them? I tell him that those are veins and blood vessels. I show him that he has the same on his arms. And explain blood flow as best I can to a four year old. He seems satisfied with that answer.

Then he asks why they feel like grapes.

I have no idea.

With kids, you mentally prepare for something, and it never goes the way you prepare for.

16 Responses to “Discovering Junk”

  1. Jailer Says:

    “Why do they feel like grapes?” 😀

    God I miss that age. Pure innocence. Enjoy it while you can.

  2. SPQR Says:

    Because they are grapes.

    See, if you come here for preparation, you’d be better prepared.

  3. chris Says:

    You might want to give him a pair of Truck Nuts from Santa:

  4. nk Says:

    My daughter asked me from which part of her “vagina” the peepee came out and from which part the baby. Like any progressive, non-inhibited, courageous daddy would, I said, “That’s a conversation you will have with your mother”.

  5. Turk Turon Says:

    My 4-year-old son asked me if it “hurt when the sperms came out”. I said, “No, it doesn’t. Why do you think it would hurt?” He explained that his two “sperms” were so big and the hole at the end of his penis was so small…He had obviously extrapolated from the fact that he had only one brother, and so the two of them must have been created by their dad’s two “sperms”, i.e. testicles.

    Kids these days!

  6. JKB Says:

    No plan survives contact with the enemy
    No answer survives the question from a child.

  7. George Says:

    I’m reminded of the time-honored story of the young lad asking his parents, “Where did I come from?”. They respond, trying not to be embarrassed, and give him detailed, medical basics, in response. He says, “Billy comes from Cleveland.”

  8. Weer'd Beard Says:

    Just give him a laptop with efukt loaded up and tell him you’ll be in the other room if he has any questions.

    (you can tell I don’t have kids)

  9. Jake Says:

    In ten years, junior is going to find the records of this blog and hate you forever. You realize that, don’t you? 🙂

    (I know, embarrassing your children in public is what parents are for.)

  10. Miguel Says:

    Sometimes I am happy I wasn’t bless with kids… 🙂

  11. SayUncle Says:

    junior is going to find the records of this blog and hate you forever.

    It’s actually worse than that. My wife puts these posts in a scrapbook.

  12. trackerk Says:

    You need some stunt ‘dudes’:

  13. Jerry Says:

    I remember a birthday celebration, can’t remember the exact one, at my grandparent’s home. Firstborn was sitting on the front steps, counting on his fingers. Babygirl is being passed around, for pictures, so he was about 5, or 6. Anywho, he fingered it out. Then, he walked right up to mom and me, and asked THE question. Right in front of God, and everybody. It’s 23 now. I still can’t find the heart to tell him he is having ‘too much’ fun. Fun is a good thing. How ever, ….. I mean…..

  14. SDN Says:

    My sister invited me to a Christmas party one year. I’m met at the door by my nephew. My sister is behind them and her living room and dining room full of guests. He opens the door and says “Uncle SDN, guess what?” “What?”


    I’m quite sure they heard him on the next block. I know know what the face of my sister looks like when she’s desperately wishing she could sink into the floor. 😎

  15. DAD Says:

    You should have told him the truth, ” It gives your future wife something to bust.”

  16. mikee Says:

    My 2 year old daughter and our neighbor’s 2 year old daughter were in a plastic wading pool in our unfenced back yard. As it was fairly private, my neighbor and I quickly let the girls shed their 40pound waterlogged Pampers.

    At which point the traveling pack of neighborhood boys (including my son) aged 3 to 7 came running through the back yard, on their way to somebody’s house, and screeched to a stop to stare before slowly walking away.

    My neighbor and I had many phone calls to our houses from the boys’ parents that night. My son says he got a lot of questions, too.