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The Airing of Grievances: The Airing of Grievances & Menus

It’s that time of year again where we, collectively, are supposed to sit back and reflect upon things that are important and goodwill toward man and all that other hippie, tree-hugging crap that makes us feel better about ourselves. Continuing the tradition, I opt to do the opposite and tell you why you suck. And by you, I don’t mean you specifically but you in the general sense. I’m talking about the Festivus tradition of The Airing of Grievances. So, the first grievance I have is The Airing of Grievances. I feel obligated to air said grievances and, of course, must suffer through other people’s airing of grievances.

My other grievance is this: order from the damn menu. When you go to a restaurant, they’re set up to serve stuff that is actually on the menu. That’s why they have menus. Your choices generally only consist of how you want that cooked and your option of sides. That’s what they do. All else, you takes your chances. When you order something that is different, you’ve messed up the system. So, stop. Other parties at your table now have to wait an extra three or four hours while a cook, who doesn’t speak English, and a waitress, who probably didn’t write your custom order down, try to decipher what exactly it is you’re getting at. If, say, a joint serves a salad and that salad comes with the little shavings of red cabbage and you specify that you don’t want the shavings of red cabbage, odds are you’re getting some because that’s how they mix the salad that they made in bulk five hours ago. Don’t act surprised when you find some red cabbage in your salad and get hostile and demand they take it back. Because now, they’re probably spitting in your food. And, while minor adjustments like that usually work out OK for you, don’t use subjective terms such as light ice and expect their definition of light ice to jibe with yours. Use concrete terms such as the number of cubes or how far up the glass you want the ice to go. And if you make more than two adjustments, forget about it. The Army Corps of Engineers probably can’t figure it out and neither can your cook or waitress.

Past Airing if Grievances here.

6 Responses to “The Airing of Grievances: The Airing of Grievances & Menus”

  1. Drake Says:

    I air my grievance of having the girl I was going to ask to marry me end up cheating with a former good friend of thirteen years. Way to fucking go guys. You couldn’t have been cool and let me know before getting gifts for both your sorry asses?

  2. Cactus Jack Says:

    How about “do more with less”? In 1996, when I was working for the Federal fire service my Fire Department was cut from 200 to 90 people. Not only wre we expected to still provide full coverage to a Air Force base that’s the size of a county but other responsibilties were added and we just didnt have the manpower to do all of that crap.

    When our Chief complained about it to the honchos some worthless, no working, beaurecrap in Fort Fumble replied “do more with less”. I’d love to get control over that asshole and give him a 1 gallon can of paint and tell him to paint a house with it in 1 hour and that 1 gallon can was all the paint he was gonna get and if he didnt get it dont he was fired. That’s pretty much what expected of us.

  3. # 9 Says:

    Damn Drake, sorry to hear that. That may be Festivus Maximus.

  4. JuryRig Says:

    My wife can’t order off the menu, and they always screw it up. Her family ate out a lot, and their philosophy is that the menu is a starting point, and that a restaurant should be happy to make you what you want. Whatever.

  5. Good_ol_Al Says:

    My son spent some time in the USSR in the late 80’s. The menu was quite simple.
    Eat
    Not Eat
    No substitutions.

  6. _Jon Says:

    My grievance is this stupid post.

    Are you drunk? If so, then cool.

    🙂