Last night, my son graduated pre-school. Starts kindergarten soon. I’m not all weepy yet since his last day of school is next week. But I’ll miss that place.

And, this morning, I dropped Junior off for her last day of first grade. She didn’t seem to care about it too much. But I did.

When this happens, I sit back and wonder where the years went. And someone reminded me on Facebook that They may have went, but they were full.

Indeed.

Chuck E. Cheese’s getting sued because it hooks kids on gambling. Odd, I was just there this weekend and thought it just got kids hooked on video games, cheap toys and crappy pizza.

Today is my son’s fifth birthday. He starts kindergarten this year. Man, the time does fly.

I was unaware though that today is also Tactical Day. I have tactical kids.

Alternate title: yo dawg, I heard you liked smoked bacon.

Grass mowed, cars washed, sink fixed. Meal number four in the new grill is coming along nicely. Will add some portabellas in a bit:

From Home Life

Also, at the light, a Dodge Charger revved at me. Very well, I accept your challenge. And then the realization I was in the wife’s SUV. Oh well.

And the kids found a swimming hole in the creek. Big fun.

I’m told this photo of someone you may know will be a poster at the NRA convention.

Suppressors are a great tool for teaching kids to shoot:

From Kids

Photo by Oleg.

Today I made for the kids, at their request, peanut butter and salami sandwiches. My curiosity got the better of me and I tried one. While they are disgusting, they’re not as horrid as you would think.

Yeah, I know what you mean:

From Kids

Cooking some barbecue sauce today, need a supply now that the weather is warm. First step is get up in the morning and have some bacon for breakfast and keep the bacon grease. Important later. Then, assemble ingredients. Organizational skills are key (note: dog in the background knows something is going on):

From Sauce

Mixing it up this time, I added some mangoes and an apple to the usual combination of onion, ginger root, tomato and peppers. Gives it a nice sweet flavor. Now, chop all those veggies up and set aside:

From Sauce

Remember that bacon grease? You left it in the pan, right? Well, heat it back up to medium and toss in quite a bit of minced garlic:

From Sauce

After the garlic gets a bit of a browned look, toss in all those cut up fruits and veggies:

From Sauce

Cook on medium or low until tender, stirring regularly:

From Sauce

Now, you can skimp on a lot of things in this recipe but not on the spices. Don’t buy cheap chili powder or paprika. I like the Spanish paprika and medium chili powder from Penzeys. Here, we have some paprika, chili powder, and black pepper (ground in a coffee grinder):

From Sauce

Add enough chili powder to soak up some of the moisture, probably about half a cup. Add paprika, black pepper and some kosher salt to taste:

From Sauce

Stir it up to get those fruits and veggies coated in a nice layer of spicy goodness. Cook for about 5 minutes:

From Sauce

Let it cool, or the next step could be painful. While you wait, you can read you daughter’s book on Samoyeds.

From Sauce

Drop that concoction in the blender and hit the liquefy button:

From Sauce

Now, we have what looks like baby food:

From Sauce

Trust me, it gets better looking. Add the rest of the ingredients, which are (approximately – use your own judgement):

You could puree up some tomatoes and sugar and vinegar or read the ingredients on ketchup and use about four cups of it.
1 cup yellow mustard
1.5 cups apple cider vinegar
1 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup dark molasses
1/2 cup honey
2 cups brown sugar
1/4 cup Soy sauce
Some hot sauce if you want. That jalapeño was kinda mild so I added a few dashes.

From Sauce

Now, if you happen to have your smoker going, you can cook this on it in a big pot. But I’m feeling lazy today so I’ll add a bit of Liquid Smoke and finish it in the Crock Pot. Not much Liquid Smoke, a little goes a long way:

From Sauce

Whisk away until nice and smooth:

From Sauce

And, now, that baby food looks like sauce. Leave on low heat in the Crock Pot covered all day and stir every once in a while:

From Sauce

A list. A peeing toy dog?

An artistic rendition from my four year old:

From Kids

I note his teacher cannot spell but I’m not one to talk.

To hold your kids’ Hello Kitty and Cars magnets:

From Drop Box

And alphabet blocks too!

By the way, in my house that is known as The Bureau. You see, on top of my safe is my humidor and to the left is my beer fridge. So, it’s the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

Katie: Guns, Parenting and Risk: Do You Let Your Child Visit Homes With Firearms?

Life is risky. Katie wonders if they ask about pools, chemicals, and hot tubs.

A lot of gun owners stay in the closet and don’t admit they own guns, depending on the area where you are. Here, I pretty much presume that most households have guns. And I choose to educate my kids on guns. My kids know that any time they want to shoot a gun, just ask. And I’ll take them. It eliminates the curiosity if they can do it when they want. And, of course, they know the rules.

Prior to Junior’s first shots:

From Kids

Jay has a list of items that, really, no longer exist. I’d add commercials to things our kids may not know about. Junior was three before she ever saw a commercial.

Well, OK, actually they banned 100 watt bulbs. Which power Easy Bake Ovens. Speaking of, last night me and Junior used her new Easy Bake Oven to make some cookies. They were as good anything I’ve ever cooked with a light bulb.

If you’re a parent and you don’t have a supply of 100w incandescent bulbs, you’ll need one for the oven. It doesn’t come with one. And congress banned their sale. Fortunately, we managed to store up some pre-ban light bulbs.

Up in the middle of the night. Sneaking around. No, I wasn’t trying to see the eclipse because it was dark. I was trying to steal a tooth and replace it with a $5 bill. Junior managed to lose her tooth in the most unceremonious way. She was at gymnastics, went to the bathroom, and came out and said ‘here’. And she had her tooth in her hand. No blood. No crying. No drama.

I sneak into her room and slide my hand under the pillow. Grab the bag the tooth is in and she stirs. So I hightailed it out of there. Had to wait a few minutes sneak back in with the five spot. She can be a light-sleeper.

Les Jones ponders chores reasonable for kids aged 4 and 6. Since I have kids that age, I figure I’ll chime in some. We have our kids do the three that Les mentioned. I also have the kids help unload the car after trips. Have them carry their own bags in, for example. Any mess they make, I make them clean. I make certain they clean the sink after they brush their teeth, for instance.

Other things I’ve had them do include:

Rake leaves
Pick veggies from the garden
Help me wash the cars, they get tire duty
Wipe up the water they leave in the bathroom floor after they shower
Carry in groceries

Junior actually volunteers to clean the windows.

Last night, Junior discovered she had her first loose tooth. She doesn’t appreciate Dad telling her the various ways to pull them out. But I’m thinking something like this:

Man, where did the time go?

Off to a slow start. I think the amount of time it took the kids to get dressed in their snow gear was more than the amount of time actually spent playing in the snow. Well, more like snow-colored grass.

Junior with the Zel Custom .50 Caliber:

From Kids

This pic of the N Strike reminded me. My nephew (pictured below with the suppressor) showed me one of his Nerf pistols. It’s identical to one of the nerf guns my kids have. Except that when I fired it, it had a range about 6 times greater than ours and it shot in a straight line. Ours have substantial drop and you have to aim about 5 feet high to hit something 15 feet away. Not his, it zipped along.

He explains to me that he modded it. Turns out, you can replace the springs in it with springs you get at Lowe’s. The also come with a power restricting dampener, that he had removed. And he used duct tape to make the air chamber smaller.

I was so proud. A future gun nut. But I knew that already.

The family and some friends went to The Outback Steakhouse a bit back. Junior and her friend both had to go to the bathroom. And then my son did too. So I head to the restroom area with the kids and, of course, the girls beat me there. I arrive to find them staring at the two bathrooms. See, at Outback, the restrooms are not labeled men and women as the girls are accustomed to reading. They are labeled Blokes and Sheilas and the girls had no idea what that meant. I point them in the right direction and Junior’s friend looks at me and says Is that Spanish?

Heh.

The wife got a Droid Incredible which she likes. It befuddles me because two weeks ago she couldn’t even answer my Droid when it rang and now she can’t live without hers. Kids are really into various games on our phones so I’ve been thinking about getting them an android tablet PC or maybe buying someone’s old phone that they don’t use anymore and using it with the wifi. This android tablet looks OK. Anyone have any experience with either of these plans?

For Halloween, the grandparents gave the kids some nice little holiday cards. And they put some money in them.

For my birthday Friday, the kids made a me a couple of cards. It’s always fun to hear their explanations for why they put a certain sticker or doodle on the card. And they always make me smile. A bit after giving me the cards they made, Junior comes walking up to me later with her hands behind her back. She pulls out something from behind her back and hands it to me. It’s the card that the grandparents gave her. Except that she’s scratched out her name and wrote my name there, addressing it to me. And in the card is the $20 she got from the grandparents, which she said that it was the best present ever. I had to agree. She gave me what was the most important thing to her that day. I kinda teared up a little.

I told her I had my eye on a new DS game so maybe she could go with me and we’d spend my money on that. She said it was a good idea then gave me a coupon for a free ice cream, another gift she values immensely.

Later, me and the wife had a good laugh about it, she pointed out that the grandparents only gave the kids $10 each. So Junior had taken her brothers money and given it to me too.

Still, it’s the thought that counts.

It’s kinda interesting living in an age where your daughter’s quiz grades are emailed to you. She’s scored 100% on her last three accelerated reader tests. So, go her.

And, the other night, she was playing Angry Birds on my droid. She comes up to me and says Daddy, I can’t get it to work. She shows me the screen. Somehow she had installed a speed dating application on it. Gotta watch those ads, I guess.

Me: Your son is writing his name on the steamed up shower door.

Wife: Aw, how cute

Me: With his wiener.

Bad words. Our kids are learning them. Fortunately, they’re limited to words that, while bad for kids, aren’t really all that bad. I mean, they could use words like I do and that would be (and has been) bad. But the kids, and especially my four-year-old son, just sort of arbitrarily blurt out words like butt, poop, and some words that, to me, make no sense but given the context I can figure out what they mean. Like tee-tee. And it’s weird to me because he doesn’t always really use the words in context or a sentence. He’s just kinda sitting there and then says fart and laughs. It’s not like he farted or anyone else did. He just felt like saying fart.

Anyway, I’ve told the kids to watch their mouths. I told Junior she needed to get her language under control or she would get in trouble. She says to me What if I accidentally say a bad word?. And I ask her how she could possibly say a bad word accidentally. She says Well, if I say shampoo, then I’ve said poo.

I guess you can’t argue with that.

Got Junior out of the shower and then put The Second in the tub. I was sitting around when my wife walks in and says: You need to talk to your son. He has a question about his balls.

I sat there for a moment pondering what exactly a four year old could ask about his junk. And I settled on things like: What are they for? Why are they fun to play with? Why does it hurt when I get hit in them?

You know, typical ball stuff. Because, frankly, I had no idea what he was about to ask.

I walk in to the bathroom and he’s in the tub checking himself out. And I say Your mom said you had a question about your dudes? Then, he does something that if I did would cause me to lose the ability to walk for a few minutes. With a firm grip, he asks me Why they have “cracks” in them? I tell him that those are veins and blood vessels. I show him that he has the same on his arms. And explain blood flow as best I can to a four year old. He seems satisfied with that answer.

Then he asks why they feel like grapes.

I have no idea.

With kids, you mentally prepare for something, and it never goes the way you prepare for.

With kids, the magic comes and goes.

Wednesday morning, my son was throwing up. The night before, we went through the usual fight about him not wanting dinner that we made and instead wanting something else that had more sugar in it. I put my foot down and he went to bed without dinner, though he could have had all the lasagna he wanted but not poptarts. He threw up a few times that morning and I wasn’t going to send him to school like that. So, I stayed home with him. And scheduled a pediatrician’s appointment.

He sat on the couch watching TV and drinking Sprite to settle his stomach. He sat there for about four hours. He finally got hungry and asked for Froot Loops. Having felt bad because he was sick and hadn’t eaten the night before, I gave in and let him have some. And I let him have another bowl. We get to the doctor’s office where they run tests and whatnot. The doc comes back, alarmed, and says that my son’s blood sugar is “over 300″. And they think he may have diabetes. I inform the doc that he had the Froot Loops so that was probably it. My son chimed in to say that, when I wasn’t looking, he snuck a cereal bar or maybe two. And, of course, the Sprite. Still, wanting to be safe rather than sorry, follow up tests were scheduled, as was a trip to an endocrinologist.

Just a bit ago, I got the final word that he does not have diabetes. His spike was caused by a combo of not eating dinner the night before, dehydration from vomiting, and a diet consisting almost entirely of sugary products because I felt sorry for him.

Several doctor visits, tests, vials of blood, screaming, and hundreds of dollars later, it’s because of poorly timed Froot Loops. The moral is no more FrootLoops before doctor appointments.