Archive for the 'Notes to Junior' Category

August 25, 2014

All done

Spent part of the weekend loading with a helper:

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Got that work done, I mentioned. And more.

June 22, 2014

Light blogging, getting sued

One of my neighbors likes to let her chihuahua run loose. It charges other leashed dogs with seeming regularity, based on the complaints I’ve heard since finding out I was getting sued by her, and a number of other neighbors asking about me about getting sued. Anyhoo, apparently her dog running loose is my fault because, it turns out, the new dog doesn’t care for Mexican, when it’s growling.

June 18, 2014

Sorry for the lack of posting

But Junior turned a decade today. Kind of a big deal. Busy. Talk amongst yourselves.

June 15, 2014

Happy Fathers Day

The Mrs. made me crab California rolls and wrote “dad” in sriracha:

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June 13, 2014

We mustache you a question

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May 20, 2014

Heard around the house

Me: Does taking earplugs to a concert make me old?

Wife: Yes.

Blogging later, going to a show.

April 24, 2014

Don’t see that every day

Mentioned before how I have a carpenter bee problem and I tend to thwack them, or have the kids thwack them, with a tennis racket. Well, I really tennis elbowed one and didn’t see the body corkscrew to the ground and thought ‘da hell?”. Then, I look at the racket and see this:

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This creeped the kids right out. It was still buzzing.

April 21, 2014

Instant libertarian, just add capitalism and bureaucracy

So simple kids get it

Couple of weekends ago, our neighborhood had a garage sale. We set out to rid our home of various useless crap. Being neighborhood wide, we had hundreds of people come through. Junior gets the brilliant idea that, since these shoppers are in the hood for a long time, some of them must be thirsty and they’ll buy lemonade. She makes up a pitcher and sells out quick at a $1 a pop. On her second pitcher, I introduce some reality:

Me: So, for every lemonade you sell, you know I get fifty cents, right?

Junior: What?

Me: Well, you’re using my water, my lemonade, my cups, my sugar, my table, my chair and you’re on my driveway.

Junior: But I’m doing the work!

Me: With my stuff.

Wife: Oh stop it.

Me: I’m just trying to teach her something.

Junior: Oh.

Me: And you’ve got to pay taxes. I’d figure if you’re selling it for an even dollar 8 cents or so should cover sales tax. Then F&E taxes. And income taxes. Plus you probably need a permit and an inspection to make sure there are no cooties in your lemonade. And you’ll probably have to buy some sort of approved device for maintaining the lemonade at a safe temperature.

Junior: It’s called ICE.

Me: Yeah, but it melts.

Junior: That’s stupid. I’m keeping the money.

Me: Good girl! But you’re still paying me.

Junior: *evil stare*

April 01, 2014

Teaching

When it comes to kids, a parent’s job is to teach them things. A lot of times, we teach them things they aren’t interested in, like teeth-brushing, how to take out the trash, how to make their own damn sandwich (I’m looking at you, son). Other times, we teach them things because they express an interest in it. Such as I did when my daughter said she wanted to shoot and I bought her her own pink AR.

Some hand-wringing, bed-wetter thinks that giving my kids guns and involving them in the learning process is overkill because . . . well, I’m not sure why. It’s not articulated. I’m guessing because some guns are scary. I’d think a supposedly on prepping would realize that teaching my kids useful skills that could come in handy some day.

Need has nothing to do with it. My daughter does it because she wants to.

March 29, 2014

Show me how

In prep for this pic, we took this one:

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March 22, 2014

When it’s heavy, adjust

Hers and his:

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At age 7, I got Junior her AR. My son reminded me that he is now seven and was wondering where his AR was. I asked what color he wanted and he said green. Coincidentally, I had one. So, I gave him my Colt. Now, I need my own AR. And I’ll probably get him a different sight.

Photo by Oleg Volk.

March 18, 2014

Women don’t need an AR-15 because ARs are too complicated

Said Noted Gun Expert Joe Biden once. Well, don’t tell her.

March 17, 2014

Let me see your war face

Photo by Oleg Volk:

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February 18, 2014

Kids show Sam and Cat rejects nanny state

My kids watch this horrible show called Sam and Cat. But it had a good moment that made me kind of smile. Some nanny had banned some sort of soda so the kids started making that soda. Then, some nanny finds them making the soda and says they want it banned because people drink to much of it. And it’s not healthy. And they ask the perfectly reasonable question of whether to ban sandwiches because people eat too many of them. Ban sleeping, roller coasters and hugs! And everything.

Not fair to punish everybody because some people can’t control themselves.

You can watch the exchange here (or scroll to 19:04 below):

Good.

February 17, 2014

There is nothing more annoying, nor more pathetic, than a jealous Boston terrier

You may have noticed but the Uncle clan adopted a new doggie. She is part politically incorrect dog and something else. We think. We’re not sure. She’s great. Well-behaved, basic obedience down, crate trained, good with kids and good with other non-snappy animals. Also, she stays off furniture. The only con so far is that she’s not been on a leash much and it shows. It was a constant tug fest, until we got a head collar. I’ve always been a choker fan but those seem to not discourage terriers at all. The head collar avoids the anxiety of tugging on a leash and just turns their head sideways. The other slight issue is that she’s not instantly responsive to commands if distracted by a toy.

Anyway, having gotten a new and very well behaved dog, I’ve realized how badly behaved the Boston his. He jumps on people but not me because I raise my knee up and put him on the ground. But no one else does that. He climbs furniture. He constantly stares at the new dog whenever she’s eating. She puts him in his place when he gets out of line so he’s good for her.

But the other thing he does is sad. He’s insanely jealous. If someone in the family pets the other dog, he shows up. If you call her name, he shows up. If you give her any attention at all, he shows up. I swear, he could be in Indochina and once you said “good girl”, he’s in your lap.

This morning, my alarm went off and I hit snooze. About 5 minutes later I am awakened to something gently stroking my face. I look up and it’s the new dog with her front paws barely on the bed licking my face to wake me. I reach over and pet her and say “hey girl” and instantly there’s a Boston terrier butt in my face. And, as instantly, there is a Boston terrier butt swatted out of my face.

But they get along and his constant jealousy seems to only bother me.

Also, they play constantly which is good for both:

Also, that whole thing about being distracted by toys is seen at the end there.

February 13, 2014

Dispatch from snowmageddon

You yankees with your sophisticated snow-removal tools. And your skis and sleds and shovels and things we southern rednecks don’t have. But, hey, we do have a four wheeler and a kayak:

February 12, 2014

Snowmageddon

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They can’t tell.

Heard around the house

Junior: Dad, what’s a synonym for statesman?

Me: Politician, diplomat, what’s wrong with the country, piece of shit.

February 09, 2014

Mattress of the hearth

Remember, size mattress? Or nothing really mattress. Well, we finally got that fixed, now with more mattress and worse pun:

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February 01, 2014

Nothing really mattress

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The long game.

Size mattress

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Not a typo.

January 03, 2014

Biggest Grossing Arcade Games

Via Jeff, comes a list. In my younger days, I put quite a few quarters into a Street Fighter 2 game. It was a way for a commuter to kill time between classes. Anyway, the other day, I was looking around and found Street Fighter 4 for my son’s XBox. And we’ve put in a few hours beating each other up.

December 23, 2013

-ers

I come home and my son is wearing a white shirt, a bow tie, and a towel over his arm. He tells me he’s a butler. And we have this conversation:

Me: Do you know how to buttle?

My son: Huh?

Me: Readers read. Builders build. So butlers buttle.

My son: How do you buttle?

Me: Well you’re the butler, tell me.

My son: Butlers don’t buttle.

Me: Sure they do. Planters plant. Gardeners garden. Drivers drive. Fingers fing.

My son: Fingers don’t fing.

Me: Do you know what a fing is?

My son: No.

Me: Then how do you know?

December 21, 2013

If gymnastics was easy, they’d call it football

My little girl challenged a kid from the local championship team to a push up contest:

Five minutes before this, she did 50 push ups and 5 one-armed right handed and 5 one-armed left handed. 48-27 if you must know. Junior wouldn’t participate in the tackling contest because she’s smart.

Oh, and, also, you should apparently subscribe to my nephew’s youtube channel because that is important to him.

December 09, 2013

Innovate, adapt, overcome

Walking Dead blogging. Spoilers, yada yada.

A redneck bitching about a 50 yd shot? Yeah, right. Also, the kids stepped up. Using the two finger technique:

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Popular among kids, even my own:

The fierce little girl reminds me of Junior. For serious.

December 07, 2013

Ho ho ho

Kids dressed him:

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December 02, 2013

It’s like my children

Seen on the internet:

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November 30, 2013

Quote of the day

My dad on his new hearing aid: “I didn’t realize how much your mother talked. “

November 29, 2013

Cymbalizes his personality

My son is taking drum lessons. After the first one, I met the instructor and we had this conversation:

Teacher: So, your son likes R. Kelly?

Me: Good God, I hope not.

Teacher: He said his favorite song is “I Believe I Can Fly”

Me: Oh, let me explain:

November 23, 2013

Never let your uncle do your hair

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Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

Uncle Pays the Bills


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