SIRT Initial Impressions
I’m trying to figure out why they come with eye protection.
I’m trying to figure out why they come with eye protection.
Me: If you don’t get your homework done, I’m going to crack you upside the head.
Junior: THAT’S CHILD ABUSE!
Me: No, that’s hyperbole, which you should be learning about right now.
My dad came by to grab some homemade kimchi and Junior was doing her homework:
Poppa: What kind of homework are you doing?
Junior: I need to do a limerick.
Poppa: Want some help?
Me: It better not involve a man from Nantucket.
Well, through it, mostly.
But he came here to push free college for everyone, which is a myth. Because someone has to pay. And he celebrated manufacturing innovations. He pushed education and manufacturing while shutting down a couple of schools and a couple of manufacturers for the day.
As he left, the plane flew over our house. The Mrs. got the kids so they could see Air Force One fly over. Junior looks up and says: “Why are you so excited. We didn’t vote for him”
My nephew let me shoot his BOOMco. Rapid Madness Blaster:
Man, how toy guns have evolved. And fun.
It’s kind of bittersweet. My daughter, who no longer believes in Santa, is helping me play Santa.
So, last weekend, my dad gave a little piece of rolled up foil. In it was the first tooth I lost as a kid. Today, more than a week later, my son, out of the blue, says “So, how did Papa get your tooth from the tooth fairy?”
I told him to call Papa.
At Oriental Cuisine:
My son: Do you have an extra mouse?
Me: It’s in the office, by the desktop computer, under the monitor.
Son: What’s a desktop computer?
Son: What’s a monitor?
Spent part of the weekend loading with a helper:
Got that work done, I mentioned. And more.
One of my neighbors likes to let her chihuahua run loose. It charges other leashed dogs with seeming regularity, based on the complaints I’ve heard since finding out I was getting sued by her, and a number of other neighbors asking about me about getting sued. Anyhoo, apparently her dog running loose is my fault because, it turns out, the new dog doesn’t care for Mexican, when it’s growling.
But Junior turned a decade today. Kind of a big deal. Busy. Talk amongst yourselves.
Me: Does taking earplugs to a concert make me old?
Blogging later, going to a show.
Mentioned before how I have a carpenter bee problem and I tend to thwack them, or have the kids thwack them, with a tennis racket. Well, I really tennis elbowed one and didn’t see the body corkscrew to the ground and thought ‘da hell?”. Then, I look at the racket and see this:
This creeped the kids right out. It was still buzzing.
So simple kids get it
Couple of weekends ago, our neighborhood had a garage sale. We set out to rid our home of various useless crap. Being neighborhood wide, we had hundreds of people come through. Junior gets the brilliant idea that, since these shoppers are in the hood for a long time, some of them must be thirsty and they’ll buy lemonade. She makes up a pitcher and sells out quick at a $1 a pop. On her second pitcher, I introduce some reality:
Me: So, for every lemonade you sell, you know I get fifty cents, right?
Me: Well, you’re using my water, my lemonade, my cups, my sugar, my table, my chair and you’re on my driveway.
Junior: But I’m doing the work!
Me: With my stuff.
Wife: Oh stop it.
Me: I’m just trying to teach her something.
Me: And you’ve got to pay taxes. I’d figure if you’re selling it for an even dollar 8 cents or so should cover sales tax. Then F&E taxes. And income taxes. Plus you probably need a permit and an inspection to make sure there are no cooties in your lemonade. And you’ll probably have to buy some sort of approved device for maintaining the lemonade at a safe temperature.
Junior: It’s called ICE.
Me: Yeah, but it melts.
Junior: That’s stupid. I’m keeping the money.
Me: Good girl! But you’re still paying me.
Junior: *evil stare*
When it comes to kids, a parent’s job is to teach them things. A lot of times, we teach them things they aren’t interested in, like teeth-brushing, how to take out the trash, how to make their own damn sandwich (I’m looking at you, son). Other times, we teach them things because they express an interest in it. Such as I did when my daughter said she wanted to shoot and I bought her her own pink AR.
Some hand-wringing, bed-wetter thinks that giving my kids guns and involving them in the learning process is overkill because . . . well, I’m not sure why. It’s not articulated. I’m guessing because some guns are scary. I’d think a supposedly on prepping would realize that teaching my kids useful skills that could come in handy some day.
Need has nothing to do with it. My daughter does it because she wants to.
In prep for this pic, we took this one:
Hers and his:
At age 7, I got Junior her AR. My son reminded me that he is now seven and was wondering where his AR was. I asked what color he wanted and he said green. Coincidentally, I had one. So, I gave him my Colt. Now, I need my own AR. And I’ll probably get him a different sight.
Photo by Oleg Volk.
Said Noted Gun Expert Joe Biden once. Well, don’t tell her.
Photo by Oleg Volk:
My kids watch this horrible show called Sam and Cat. But it had a good moment that made me kind of smile. Some nanny had banned some sort of soda so the kids started making that soda. Then, some nanny finds them making the soda and says they want it banned because people drink to much of it. And it’s not healthy. And they ask the perfectly reasonable question of whether to ban sandwiches because people eat too many of them. Ban sleeping, roller coasters and hugs! And everything.
Not fair to punish everybody because some people can’t control themselves.
You can watch the exchange here (or scroll to 19:04 below):
You may have noticed but the Uncle clan adopted a new doggie. She is part politically incorrect dog and something else. We think. We’re not sure. She’s great. Well-behaved, basic obedience down, crate trained, good with kids and good with other non-snappy animals. Also, she stays off furniture. The only con so far is that she’s not been on a leash much and it shows. It was a constant tug fest, until we got a head collar. I’ve always been a choker fan but those seem to not discourage terriers at all. The head collar avoids the anxiety of tugging on a leash and just turns their head sideways. The other slight issue is that she’s not instantly responsive to commands if distracted by a toy.
Anyway, having gotten a new and very well behaved dog, I’ve realized how badly behaved the Boston his. He jumps on people but not me because I raise my knee up and put him on the ground. But no one else does that. He climbs furniture. He constantly stares at the new dog whenever she’s eating. She puts him in his place when he gets out of line so he’s good for her.
But the other thing he does is sad. He’s insanely jealous. If someone in the family pets the other dog, he shows up. If you call her name, he shows up. If you give her any attention at all, he shows up. I swear, he could be in Indochina and once you said “good girl”, he’s in your lap.
This morning, my alarm went off and I hit snooze. About 5 minutes later I am awakened to something gently stroking my face. I look up and it’s the new dog with her front paws barely on the bed licking my face to wake me. I reach over and pet her and say “hey girl” and instantly there’s a Boston terrier butt in my face. And, as instantly, there is a Boston terrier butt swatted out of my face.
But they get along and his constant jealousy seems to only bother me.
Also, they play constantly which is good for both:
Also, that whole thing about being distracted by toys is seen at the end there.
You yankees with your sophisticated snow-removal tools. And your skis and sleds and shovels and things we southern rednecks don’t have. But, hey, we do have a four wheeler and a kayak:
Junior: Dad, what’s a synonym for statesman?
Me: Politician, diplomat, what’s wrong with the country, piece of shit.
Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.
Uncle Pays the Bills
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