Here in New York, our local telco is Verizon, a monopoly provider of traditional telephone service. For the last three weeks, my phone hasn’t worked and neither has my DSL.

Both Verizon and my new DSL provider have been incredibly incompetent throughout, and I still don’t have service. I won’t list my travails here, but suffice it to say that all my problems started when Verizon was supposed to switch me to a competing DSL provider. I believe Verizon is being purposefully uncooperative to prevent me from switching.

The hours spent on Verizon’s tech support merry-go-round convinced me to seek other options, and happily I have found one. Using a software package called Asterisk, it is possible to get telephone service over the internet for negligible money ($2/month for the same base services I currently pay about $40 for).

We use Asterisk at work. It’s just like using a regular phone. Every once in a while I have moments of poor sound quality and each month it will go down for an hour or so. But it’s incredibly cheap, and you never waste a whole day waiting for a tech who never shows up.

I have an old computer gathering dust. I’m going to install the software, buy the $80 bit of hardware I need to connect it to my phones, and never bang my head against Verizon’s walls again. It’s great to watch a monopoly crumble.

Last night, the Mrs. was researching some products online. She said she couldn’t find any satisfactory reviews or info. She said something to the effect of:

It’s hard to find reviews of products online because when you Google a product, the results are always somebody’s blog. Blogs make it hard to find real information. Err, no offense.

What do you think? Are blogs causing traffic jams on the information superhighway?

Update: BTW, I went and looked at her search results and what was popping up were a few spam blogs. I explained to her what splogs were.

It’s true. I’m heading to the Gun Blogger Rendezvous. You may recall my bleg for advice on booking flights. The cheapest rate I found last week was at Delta.com. So, I proceeded to book my flight. After I went through, chose my flight, chose my return flight, entered credit card info and generally thought my transaction was done, their page gives me a message that they’re sorry, but they just sold out. No problem, I think, just pick a different departure flight. Same thing. All the way through the process (including giving them my credit card info), and they’re sorry but it just sold out. I did that three times total. I’ll never use Delta again. I used Expedia, who, while their price was only about $20 more, actually, you know, had fucking tickets to sell.

First of all, those guys at Microsoft are supposed to be pretty smart. But they do all kinds of dumb shit. My biggest peeves with their software are as follows:

1 – The fact that when you open an Excel document from an Outlook attachment, it opens that stupid review toolbar. This monkeys with my settings and costs me valuable time, 0.25 seconds at a time.

2 – That MS Word documents opened from Outlook open in document map mode

3 – That the Links folder in Internet Explorer will perpetually come back no matter how often you delete it.

Fortunately, I found solutions for these items:

1 – Can be solved by adding some code to your personal.xls file. See here.

2 – Can be solved by clicking Tools\Options. On the general tab, unclick the box the box that says something to the effect of Allow starting in reading lay out.

3 – There’s a way to fix using a registry editor but I just use Firefox.

Microsoft products do other stupid shit but those are the ones that annoyed me this week.

I have used Verizon as my cell phone provider about 4 years now. Never really had an issue until recently. When I left my last job, I was no longer on their cell plan and transferred my phone to the wife’s plan. This will be important later. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I noticed my voice-mail stopped working. If you called, it’d just ring forever. And my battery stopped holding a charge. After a night of charging, it’d show low battery by lunch time. So, I needed to get the phone fixed.

I called the Verizon rep I used to work with and she said to take it by a Verizon location that had a service tech. Apparently, some stores are just set up for sales and have no service folks. So, I look up the Verizon locations in the phone book and start calling. I call and get a message about contacting customer service, hit some key, etc. I just wanted to know two things:

1) Does this location have a service tech?

2) Directions there.

So, I looked the number up in the phone book and gave the local office a call. But guess what! I found no way through the phone system to actually contact a person who was at the Knoxville Verizon. The local phone number just kept me in the corporation’s telephone limbo. I tried four times. I had to call a customer service 800 number. The person we finally reached was not local and couldn’t answer either question. Seems to me a local office should be reachable by the number in the phone book to answer such questions as mine and hours of operation. I decide to go to the office anyway. I get there, and there is a young lady who is pointing people who walk in to register at the computer screen for service. Yes, there is a person who tells you to use a computer to get service at the Verizon service center. Why this person, who I have no idea why they’re even there since the computer system automates anything you want to do and she can be replaced with a sign, can’t also answer a fucking phone is beyond me.

So, undeterred, I get my shit fixed and decide to look at new phones since mine is many years old and there are fancier models out there. They have a few good deals where you commit to a service plan and get a phone at a particularly low rate (or even free). But, again, guess what! I, as an existing customer, am ineligible until some arbitrary date in the future for any of their specials. You see, Verizon would rather piss on existing customers instead of taking a bit of a ding on the price of an overpriced telephone. The thing that really pissed me off is that the arbitrary date in the future is based on when I transferred my phone from my former company’s plan to my wife’s plan. At that time, I did not get a new phone or any new service. Just transferred. As of that date, I am apparently a new customer despite having used them for four years. So, the time I had with them prior to the transfer meant nothing.

Yes, some folks will say I should have read the contract (and I know that and I did). I just assumed that they’d actually, you know, take care of an existing, long-time customer. When that arbitrary date hits in the future, I’m dumping Verizon. I’d do it now but then I’d be hit with cancellation fees.

Finally got the $20 electronic hearing protection to the range. Impressions are that they’re not bad. They are definitely not as good as Pro-Ears but are better than standard hearing protection. They amplify soft sounds so you can hear people talk and make out the sounds of folks in other lanes loading magazines; and the block out loud sounds. In comments to the initial review, reader Fred wrote:

I reordered after your comment and they just arrived.

First impression is negative. I put the batteries in (a bad design in my opinion) and the indicator light turns on. I put it back together and the indicator light won’t turn on. Something seems to be sensitive to the stress when the cup is snapped in. It may be a defect only with this particular set, but . . .

Incidentally, the instructions are wrapped up with the warranty in the bottom of the package. Rather, mine were. They may also have problems with their packaging process.

I don’t know whether I’ll bother to send them back under warranty since I have to pay to ship. I’ll probably just not deal with them again.

Perhaps he got a lemon or I got a top performer. My impression is that they are worth the $20. You get what you pay for so don’t buy these thinking they’re as good as Pro-Ears. They are not. But they are quite adequate and better than regular hearing protection.

I mentioned a deal on them from Harbor Freight on Electronic Hearing Protection. Mine arrived yesterday. No opportunity to take them to the range yet but I wore them around the house a bit yesterday. They amplify soft sounds. For example, I can hear mouse clicks and keyboard strokes on my quiet keyboard and if there are no other sounds, I can hear Junior sawing toothpicks in the background. And they block out loud sounds, the only one I tried was loud hand-clapping. And it blocked that out completely. The Mrs. liked them too.

Only problem was my set didn’t come with instructions so I had to Google up a set to figure out how to put batteries in them. You need to insert a nickel into the slots on the bottom and twist.

My initial impression is they are well worth the $20. I’ll have another report after I get them to the range.

Yesterday, the Mrs. and I decided we’d clean out the closet. We put a bunch of clothes that neither of us wear anymore in a big, lawn care type trash bag. I was tasked with taking it to Goodwill to make a donation. I arrive at Goodwill at 12:50. I get the fairly heavy bag out of the truck and make my way to the door and notice they’re not open. I see movement inside and a lady comes to the door. I think she’s coming to get my donation. She says to me that they’re not open yet and that I’d have to come back at 1:00.

I say: Ma’am, I’m just dropping these clothes off. I don’t need a receipt or anything.

She says: You’ll have to bring them back at 1:00

I say: I can’t just give these to you now?

She says: We open at 1:00

I was unconvinced that I was hearing her properly and refused to believe she didn’t really understand the concept of Goodwill and I wanted clarification. So, I said: You’re telling me that you’re not going to take this donation because I happen to be here ten minutes before you open?

She says: Sir, you’ll have to bring them back at 1:00.

I take the bag and drop it by the front door. I then say: Well, I’m here trying to make a donation. I’m leaving the bag here. You can throw it away if you want.

I didn’t realize Goodwill was run by the state. I got in my truck and left. What is wrong with people?

Went to Wal-Mart to get a pocket knife. I got one of these. It is a fine knife and at a great price (though if you get it at the store, it costs more). The knife is lightweight and sharp as a razor. And the assisted opening essentially makes it a switchblade. Good product and I highly recommend it. I also have a CRKT M16 on the way.

Any way, as I was opening the package that the knife came in, I cut the Hell out of my finger. Not on the knife (here’s the irony bit) but on the plastic packaging. Ain’t that something? I smell a lawsuit.

More consumer blogging.

The other day as I was driving home, the Mrs. rings me on the cell phone to inform me that we need a new washer and dryer as our washer just kicked the bucket. She’s been wanting a new set for a while now but I’ve always figured that the set we had (over ten years old) was good enough until it completely died. It did. I think the Mrs. was happy.

The Mrs. is quite detailed and always has the inside scoop on good deals on stuff. She knew that Home Depot was running a special. If you opened up a charge account there, you get 10% off your initial purchase with six months same as cash. This is more than enough to cover sales tax so we were sold. Now, we just applied for the card to get the 10% discount and will pay this thing off soon. We’re not credit card balance people.

We got one of those Maytag sets that holds 3.5 cubic feet and doesn’t use an agitator but rather sucks water through clothes. It also boasts that, since it is a high efficiency model, it could save us up to $165 per year in water and energy costs. The dryer also claims to dry clothes six times faster. Boy, all this energy efficiency should save the Uncle household some bucks!

As Insty noted, the customer service at Home Depot largely sucks. It took us quite a while to check out, they charged us for a service plan we didn’t agree to and was not discussed with us, and it was a complex transaction. Here’s how it broke down (rounded to dollars):

$999 washer
$699 dryer
$50 charge for delivery of new unit and disposal of old unit
$90 service plan that we don’t want (service plans are for suckers!)
$1,838 subtotal

$170 @ 9.25% sales tax
$2,008 grand total

($184) less 10% for new charge account
$1,824 new grand total

In addition, Home Depot was running free delivery with all appliances. Now, it’s not real free delivery. It’s a mail in rebate for free delivery. I guess they figure that folks will forget to mail it in on time or something. So, I’ll get $50 back (or maybe $45 since delivery was also 10% off). I guess at this point the total is $1,774 but at a future date. I’m not calculating interest. I’m also guessing the rebate won’t include sales tax paid on delivery.

But wait, there’s more: The other special they were running was free gift cards based on the amount you spend (you know, spend more and get more). We, having spent $2,000 (or rather we guessed we spent $2,000, we’re not real sure) qualified for a $150 gift card. So, now the ‘cost’ to us $1,624. Actually, it’s still $1,774 for the set plus other merchandise to be chosen later. I looked at Home Depot’s financials and their average gross margin percent is a respectable 33%. So, on a $150 purchase (the gift card) their cost is about $100. And the set probably cost them about $1,138 (based on their gross margin).

And they’re going to refund the service plan that we never consented to purchasing (with tax) at $98. New total: $1,525 with merchandise; or $1,625 if they’d given us cash instead of product that cost them $100.

Is it just me, or does that seem like an awful lot of excess to complete a simple transaction? An awful lot of special offers to get me to buy stuff. Couldn’t they just sell me the damn things for $1,525 (or $1,625) cash? It wasn’t like I was buying a house or anything. Seriously, I’ve closed on property faster than that.

Can anyone tell me what this washer and dryer really cost me? I mean, other than an hour and a half of time.

I’ve blogged before about how I’m not up to date on current movies and products because, due to TiVo, I never watch commercials. It also occurred to me tonight that, in the event of inclement weather or disaster, I won’t ever get notification via the Emergency Broadcast System since I don’t watch live TV. I wonder how long before something like that happens and some idiot tries to sue TiVo because it didn’t warn them?

Looks like they’re finally about to make a plasma TV in a size I can be comfortable with. I may have to wait awhile for production to ramp up, but what the heck? I can buy stuff like food in the meantime (since I’d probably not be able to afford any afterward, or much of anything else for that matter).

The panels are capable of a high-definition resolution of 1920 pixels x 1080 pixels, a brightness of 1000 candelas per square meter and a contrast ratio of 2000:1, Sohn says.

Not to mention that 102″ diagonal…I’d better hurry and put it on my Christmas ‘05 list.

WATCH released its list of the top 10 most dangerous toys. The number 10 most dangerous is a toy gun. An Uzi, to be exact. Says WATCH:

In today’s world, there is no excuse for outfitting children with realistic toy weapons designed to produce dangerous and unnecessary thrills.

So, the product is not really dangerous. This is just anti-gun hysteria packaged as a consumer alert.

There’s no need to buy those fake guns when the VPC provides a handy list of guns marketed to children.

Taking advantage of the new category MX5 created, comes this story (via Justin). The bad:

When it debuted in 1999, TiVo (news – web sites) revolutionized the TV experience by wresting control of screen time from advertisers, allowing viewers to record shows and skip commercials. TiVo’s slogan said it all: “TV your way.”

Behind the scenes, though, TiVo was courting advertisers, selling inroads to a universe most customers saw as commercial-free. The result is a groundbreaking new business strategy, developed with more than 30 of the nation’s largest advertisers, that in key ways circumvents the very technology that made TiVo famous.

By March, TiVo viewers will see “billboards,” or small logos, popping up over TV commercials as they fast-forward through them, offering contest entries, giveaways or links to other ads. If a viewer “opts in” to the ad, their contact information will be downloaded to that advertiser — exclusively and by permission only — so even more direct marketing can take place.

A few reasons I have TiVo include not having to watch commercials and it saves time (I can watch a thirty minute sitcom in 21 minutes). Bombarding me with commercials is annoying and I don’t like the idea. I also don’t like how TiVo sends me the occasional T-Mail message advertising something I’m not interested in. I like TiVo but I’d switch to DVR in the event TiVo starts regularly hitting me with crappy ads that I don’t want to see. TiVo hasn’t yet figured out that I don’t like to watch TV shows in Spanish, what makes them think they can target me with appropriate advertisements?

The good:

By late 2005, TiVo expects to roll out “couch commerce,” a system that enables viewers to purchase products and participate in surveys using their remote controls.

Perhaps even more significant is TiVo’s new role in market research. As viewers watch, TiVo records their collective habits — second by second — and sells that information to advertisers and networks. (It was TiVo that quantified the effect of Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl “wardrobe malfunction,” reporting a 180% increase in the number of replays reported by viewers.)

Privacy issues aside, that is pretty cool. In the event I do want to buy something, doing it through my remote would be pretty handy.

The ugly:

But what about TiVo’s devotees, those folks who send the company fan mail and photos of their pets posed with TiVo boxes, and act as missionaries, converting their friends to the technology?

Uhm, Ok.

TiVo is on the cusp of something big. Whether that cusp is keeping my business remains to be seen.

Since I got Tivo, I don’t watch commercials. The result is that I have no idea what new movies come out except if they’re advertised on Yahoo or something. I also am probably behind on technology and innovative new products. I figure if something is truly innovative, somebody will blog about them.

I’m also probably missing out on some funny commercials.

We used to get those over-sized tennis balls, regular tennis balls, and the occasional basketball for Politically Incorrect Dog™. Problem is, he’d pop them pretty quick. The last leather basketball he got was popped in a record 5 minutes. So, I set out to find an indestructible ball. PetDiscounters offers this model:

Indestructible Dog Balls
The name says it all! These “Gorilla-Tough” balls are virtually indestructible and will not be will not be destroyed by your dog’s teeth & rough playing! Molded from safe, non-toxic polyethylene. They won’t tear, break, or burst open like many other dog toys. Easy screw plug allows 10″ balls to be filled with water, sand or gravel, which makes it ideal for working dogs or for dogs that need to build up a little more muscle. Great exercise for dogs of all sizes. Actual color of product may vary. Made in the U.S.A.

The Mrs. ordered one. I’ll let you know how it goes. If it gets destroyed, I guess I’ll just give him a tire or something.

Can somebody tell me why a 30 feet tall, inflatable, purple gorilla is the universal symbol for announcing a big sale at car lots?

And precisely where does one purchase a 30 feet tall, inflatable, purple gorilla?

Update: Alert reader Bill informs me that Boulder Blimps is the company for all your 30 feet tall, inflatable, purple gorilla needs. Apparently, they will make anything large and inflatable.

Update #2: Tom has found more inflatable gorillas

Last night, I go to Weigel’s to get a couple of gallons of milk. Here’s how it works:

Weigel’s has been processing Milk in it’s own country dairy since 1936. In 1958 the famous gallon in the returnable jug (shown here) was introduced. It has been saving area consumers money ever since. It is available in whole Milk, 2% reduced fat Milk and no-fat Skim D’ Lite®. Customers buy the jug on their first purchase. After that, they trade the empty jug for a full one and pay only for the Milk. They can sell the jug back to Weigel’s for the full purchase price anytime.

Me and the wife have been trading milk jugs at Weigel’s for years. Last night, the milk was in yellow jugs that resembled Mayfields. Weigel’s no longer issues the re-usable milk jugs but will still give you a dollar credit for your jug. The manager of this particular Weigel’s told me that they can’t find anyone to make the lids. I think that is likely not true. I got two gallons last night for $1.19 each.

I think they realized that they could just bypass the jug program and save some cash. In fact, a gallon of milk went from $1.99 to $2.19. My guess is they figured out that the increase in price would pay for the cheaper jugs and they’d save money.

And they’ve implemented a milk buyer’s program. You get a card and each time you purchase a gallon, they stamp your card. After you buy 16 gallons, you get a gallon free.

I’ll miss those jugs. But the landfills won’t.

If you’re like me, you keep turning your pillow over so you can sleep on the cool side. Not anymore. Mrs. Uncle bought be a Chillow. One word: Awesome!

While at the Super Target yesterday purchasing groceries, I came across an interesting new fruit. Said fruit is a cross between an apricot and a plum. It’s delicious. It’s tart and sweet and is not quite as juicy as a large ripe plum. It tasted great and I bought a pound of them (what the hell, I’m affluent). Now, this fruit is man-made, or at least manipulated by man into creation (I mean, we can’t create genes yet can we?). My only gripe is that if we’re making fruit, why not make it seedless? After all, it may be like a mule and unable to reproduce so the seeds may provide some sort of aesthetic quality. But I don’t know.

Now, the quandary: It seems that the trouble with creating these fine fruits is not interspecific hybridization, genetic manipulation, or ethics dilemmas. The problem with this wonderful creation is coming up with an appealing name. A name that says ‘I’m tasty.’ A name that tells the buyer what this wonderful fruit is. See, the name of this fruit is pluot. What an ugly name for a great tasting treat. Seems these genetic scientists and farmers could benefit from some good marketing people to come up with better names. Pluot just doesn’t sound appealing, does it? But hey, go buy some, they’re well worth it.