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Big Truck

I drive a big ass truck. Because I have to. This one, actually. It’s for work. I’ve never understood the appeal of big trucks unless you have to have one for a specific reason. And guys and gals who take their big ass trucks and make them bigger and asser make no sense to me. But it’s a free country (haha). They’re not particularly pleasant to ride in because they are loud, bumpy, and big ass. Not a lot of parking lots (I’m looking at you Chick Fil A) have spaces that are conducive to big ass trucks. Especially if you have 16 inches of heavy duty tow ball hitch hanging the back. I’m taking up 1.25 parking spaces generally.

I haul around 100 diesel tank, tools, and, regularly enough, the occasional piece of heavy equipment. If they had a small car that could haul such things, I’d be in. A few things about big ass trucks:

They don’t come to a stop as well as your car. So avoid pulling out in front of them, especially if they’re hauling a 9,000 pound machine on a 2,000 pound trailer.

When you see a big ass truck coming the opposite direction, get over to your right. I’ve had at least three dumbdicks take out my mirrors while I’m as far over the right as I can get and they’re hugging the yellow line.

We back into a lot of parking spaces because it’s easier to get out.

If you’re riding our tails too close, we can’t see you.

I say all of this because this song came on the radio today and for no other real reason:

17 Responses to “Big Truck”

  1. Heath J Says:

    Just use my tried and true method of driving something huge all day ( I recommend the fine offerings from Freightliner. When you finally park it for the day, the big ass Ford will feel nimble as a Camry.

  2. Heath J Says:

    (And since the internet is tone deaf, that’s literal,not some big truck dick measuring)

    I drive a big truck, and come home to an F350. The 350 is everything you described, and I love it, but driving the ol’ Rav4 is a treat. It actually fits places.

  3. Patrick Says:

    They have some advantages.

    My 18-year old RAM has a steel flatbed, which expanded it slightly in all directions. It screams “lowly tradesman truck”, which is why I can pretty much slowly merge into any traffic whatsoever knowing that most any fancy car will stay far out of its way.

    I think the more “blue collar” something looks, the more likely people steer clear. I don’t get cut off as much, and never by a nice car. When you see an old Miller welding rig bolted to a steel bed, you know that guy could give a shit whether you scratch it in tight traffic. He won’t notice anything but your newly dented auto next to him.

    I don’t think this applies for those with big “pretty” trucks. I don’t knock them – hell, I’d love one. Just not willing to pay for one. Paint me jealous.

    I agree: swapping into my wife’s BMW 335 is like riding a rocket ship. One that finds every speed camera in the area, it seems.

  4. Lyle Says:

    Driving a large 4 x 4 with a long wheelbase is a pain in town, and especially in parking lots.

    Now I have a compromise; F150 extended cab short-ish bed 4 x 4 with tow package. It does just about everything, but does nothing terribly well. It drives more like a car than the old long bed, and it’s reasonably quiet and comfortable for long hauls. It’s the one rig rig, for those who need a pickup now and then, and occaisionally need four wheel drive, and occasionally pull a trailer, and occasionally carry several passengers, but don’t want to maintain both a car and a truck. This one turns on a dime, compared to the longer, older 4 x 4 too.

    No; I wouldn’t want a “big ass” truck unless I really needed it. No thank ye. I’ll try to get along without it.

    As for shiny, pretty trucks? I mean, more power to you and all, but in fact you’re wasting personal resources for no gain (unless it really, truly makes you happy somehow). If you’re rich, great, no matter, but most people who own those aren’t rich.

    I once owned an old Mercedes, and worried over it, and even washed it (perish the thought) and of course had multiple hood ornaments stolen off it, and it really bothered me. Now I rather enjoy not worrying about scratching the paint or any such. No one takes any notice of a basic, plain, common rig and that’s the way I like it.

    It’s liberating; I’ll never get all pissed off, as often happens, and used to happen to me, if someone else scratches or dings my truck. Neewp; don’t care. This thing’s going into the scrap crusher someday soon anyway, as they all will, and none of it will have mattered a whit.

  5. JTC Says:

    I could have sworn from the dozen or so prior posts employing the trademark that you drove a Ford Earthfucker because, you know, Earthfucker.

    I do like the F-150 Crewcabs because they have replaced full size cars and SUV’s in utility and haul shit too. But I would love an oil-burner just because but can’t make myself blow the cost of admission…a customer who already had a new F-150 King Ranch had the same urge and with his wife
    s humongous recent inheritance money was no object, so a factory loaded Super Duty King Ranch was his choice…damn thing stickered for 92K and he actually paid 80. Holy shit, I like vehicles but I’d also like to leave a few bucks to the wife and kids when I shuffle off.

    OTOH, as to not wanting to worry about a scratch on a nice ride, wifey is on her fourth Benz and the couple times she’s had a parking lot injury, that’s what the Allstate policy that covers the house, truck, car, hot rod, motorhome, and motorcycle is for, and they do not quibble. Plus if you swap them off when they need tires or go out of warranty, that shit is not really an issue.

    I mean if you don’t want goblins to fuck with your stuff or worry about maintenance you can live in a shithole too, but then why is it that you bust your ass for forty years if not to enjoy life and give your family some cool shit too?

  6. MrSatyre Says:

    That’s cool, but I want the biggest assest Ford, the F650. I saw one of those on the road in bright yellow, with Tonka painted on it and knew I had to have one!

  7. Miles Says:

    Hah, Hah.
    I got you beat. ūüôā
    The trucks my logistics section used before I retired were even biggier ass than that. F-350 crew cab duellies.
    And we made them even more difficult to see behind since we put campershells on back with the windows painted blackout.

    And oh my yes, bears to drive, hauling a trailer with one or two fully loaded ICU containers on it down I-5.

  8. SayUncle Says:

    They make a F750 too.

  9. Jess Says:

    I’ve driven just about everything, including a tractor trailer combination. The bigger they are, the more demand for an air-ride seat, and the absence of those that don’t have a clue of how their ignorance endangers the lives of those trying to make a living by hauling some type of freight. Big trucks are usually uncomfortable, and take up too much of the lane.

    I bought a Nissan Rogue Sport about two months ago. I’s what my wife wanted, and it cost what I wanted to pay. It’s great to drive, since it fits well in any parking lot, is comfortable, has great fuel mileage, and has enough pep to merge on any entrance ramp.

  10. Jess Says:

    I’ve driven just about everything, including a tractor trailer combination. The bigger they are, the more demand for an air-ride seat, and the absence of those that don’t have a clue of how their ignorance endangers the lives of those trying to make a living by hauling some type of freight. Big trucks are usually uncomfortable, and take up too much of the lane.

    I bought a Nissan Rogue Sport about two months ago. I’s what my wife wanted, and it cost what I wanted to pay. It’s great to drive, since it fits well in any parking lot, is comfortable, has great fuel mileage, and has enough pep to merge on any entrance ramp.

  11. dustydog Says:

    ” Iíve had at least three dumbdicks take out my mirrors while Iím as far over the right as I can get and theyíre hugging the yellow line.” – this is your fault, you are the criminal for hitting their vehicle with your mirror. 3 times! You should lose your driver’s license for 5 years.

    You aren’t entitled to hang over the yellow line. But like every socialist, you feel special and you feel deserving of special treatment at the expense of people minding their own business.

  12. Sigivald Says:

    I have a long-bed F250, and yes, it’s not for daily around-town use.

    (It is … surprisingly quick with the 5.4L, because mine also has a ridiculous 4.10 rear end.

    If I care to put the pedal down, it’s sort of zippy, but also gets single-digit fuel economy if I try that…)

  13. Andrew Says:

    Neat, but I like this version better.
    (Same song, but with some visual stuff…)

  14. Erik Says:

    I donít get the backing into spots thing other than you are trying to impress a girl (it doesnít and if it did you should date better women) or you plan on stealing something and want to just punch it. But I suspect itís an infliction of douche that makes one back in. Same as pulling through a spot. Donít look at me like Iím the cause of all your problems when you pull through a spot only to find me pulling into the spot that I actually belong in. And I hate being backed up on like I should know you are going to inconvenience the world by backing in.

    I got snowflakey, sorry.

  15. dagamore Says:

    Backing in to parking spots, is always safer than backing out of one. it is not just a tactical thing, it is a safety thing.

  16. Jerry Gibbs Says:

    F-350 dump trrrrruck, and my boss made me put a toolbox in the bed of it. The big truck thing pisses me off. If you want one, get one. I don’t care. But I mean damn, a ’69 Chevy long bed kept a lot of people fed back in my day. What’s happened.

  17. JTC Says:

    “What happened.”

    The F-150 quad cab with twin turbo (20+ mpg), more power/torque than a 5.0, backup cam (another good reason to back into crowded spaces) with hitch align function, features and road manners equal to any modern car, and a nice little cargo bed. Add a narrow diamondplate aluminum tool box that easily handles your long guns for range trips and the other essentials that any man should not leave home without, and so maneuverable that any swinging dick that can’t put it in a standard space doesn’t need to be driving at all.

    You shoulda kept that ’69 Chev. though, a nice one is worth a hunk and makes a great little hot rod although a short-bed would be better. Mine’s a ’54 as am I but basically a Vette under the skin. Blast to drive but just as a toy, for real work and transpo you just can’t beat that Ford (never will another new Gov Motors vehicle darken my driveway).