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Acknowledging the need for weapons

A university in Michigan is giving students and faculty ice soccer pucks to defend against mass shootings. They are, naturally, a gun free zone.

After I stopped laughing, I concluded this is not a completely stupid idea. A well thrown hockey puck upside the grape and its coloring books for Christmas. But there are more effective ways of dealing with active shooters, such as shooting them in the face.

7 Responses to “Acknowledging the need for weapons”

  1. LKP Says:

    Failure drill, two to the body, one to the head.

  2. thrill Says:

    As soon as the first student bops another upside the head with a hockey puck for “dissing” him, there will be an implementation of HP-CCP classes, complete with permanent records checks and currency requirements. Then there will be hockey puck free zones. Then there will be…

  3. Lyle Says:

    The university is angling themselves into a possible Conspiracy to Deprive Rights charge in the event of a future shooting on campus.

    Just as a “beware of dog” sign in your yard is credible proof that you KNEW you had a dangerous dog, putting you more at risk in a lawsuit, so too does the University’s blatant and active acknowledgement of personal weapons as having a serious role in self defense, while banning guns, put them at risk in a Deprivation of Rights case.

    They clearly KNOW, because they’re DEMONSTRATING that knowledge, that weapons are important tools for stopping violence and securing the peace, but they allow only the lamest form of weaponry on campus, thus knowingly, actively and willingly putting students and staff, especially the less physically able, at greater risk of death and grave injury in the event of a shooting, all to satisfy their radical, political prejudices.


    If they really want to make a dent in active shooters (see what I did there?), they should just distribute a wheelbarrow full of fist-sized rocks throughout each classroom.

    Cheaper, too.


  5. Joe Says:

    They want them to chuck rocks but not at the appropriate feet per second.

  6. mikee Says:

    I’m thinking that the administrators who came up with this idea realize the following:
    1. Their Michigan students are probably much more familiar with hockey pucks than any other self defense tool.
    2. The pucks can be bought in bulk, cheaply, for distribution to the student body. And maybe someone will pay the University for an adertisement on them.
    3. Pointy sticks given to their students for self defense would cause the school health clinic to be mobbed with stick-up-the-nose injuries, considering the mentality of their student body.

  7. ben Says:

    I’ve been hit with pucks quite a few times in beer league hockey. Hurts like a bastard and leaves a good bruise. This from a hockey stick. Thrown… not so much. Going to need some toxic masculinity to get useful velocity from a thrown puck too. The strong, independent women are going to have to get behind the men on this one.

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