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So, people can’t use basic tools?

Apparently, there is now an injury known as “Avocado Hand“. It’s a knife not a rocket.

16 Responses to “So, people can’t use basic tools?”

  1. HL Says:

    Fortunately for me, I can’t stand that shit.

  2. Publius Says:

    I love avocados, and avocado toast, and guacamole, and veggie burritos, and putting avocado on my veggie burgers…somehow I’ve never encountered that problem.

  3. Glenn Says:

    Obviously avacados cause stab wounds. Therefore…

  4. Bruce Says:

    Fuck a duck. Really people. This is what we get when people stop carrying pocket knives.

  5. Glenn Says:

    And aren’t allowed to play mubletypeg when they are children.

  6. Jim Says:


  7. Rob K Says:

    I remember when bagel hand was all the rage. Damn, I’m old.

  8. mikee Says:

    At age 9 or so, I got an “Orange Thumb” while slicing an incorrectly held orange with a surprisingly sharp knife. My left thumb fingerprint still has misaligned whorls where the cut went to the bone.

    I suspect this attempt to demonize knives is akin to the demonization of firearms, but more recognizably stupid to more of the general public. The one good thing about the article is that it presents a failure-proof method of avacado slicing for those incapable of safely slicing their guac components. That is far further than anti-gun articles ever go.

  9. BT Says:

    It is apparently made worse when the hand is cut while wearing skinny jeans. The jeans push all the blood above the waste, and even more so in men when their beards obstruct their ability to clot the blood.

  10. Ravenwood Says:

    News organizations trying to stay relevant. Every winter they also tell us how to shovel snow without having a heart attack.

  11. Richard Says:

    First World problem. Caused by hipsters.

  12. Will Says:


    it may be more sinister than you think. I suspect this is more of the MSM pushing the British mindset, which is now focusing on removing any implement that can be used to stab. Kitchen knives are going bye-bye there, in their continuing efforts to make thugs safer during criminal endevours.

  13. mikee Says:

    If we shouldn’t shoot, or stab, that pretty much leaves bludgeoning. Ban all rocks, bricks, branches and heavy cookware, immediately, before somebody gets violent ideas!

  14. seerak Says:

    more like “avocado head”.

  15. Will Says:


    “…that pretty much leaves bludgeoning.” I suspect that will be Part 3 of their plan. Maybe they should just go directly to the end move, and ban the possession of “thumbs”.
    It’s getting embarrassing to admit that the US originated from that island.

  16. Jeffersonian Says:

    This comment is so late no one will read it. I spent 22 years as a full time butcher and the last 12 cutting meat part-time at times. The learning curve is steep.
    Use sharp knives.
    Don’t ever draw a knife towards yourself.
    Never catch a dropped knife.
    You know how hard it is to keep a Band-Aid on one finger? Try four fingers.