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The science is settled!

Stop driving your SUV because that’s letting aliens know we’re here and a threat. No, really.

30 Responses to “The science is settled!”

  1. ncmo Says:

    Since they’re not busy building spaceships anymore, NASA has resorted to trolling.

  2. Huck Says:

    Whew! It’s a good thing I drive a Ford F150 truck instead of a SUV!

  3. Sebastiano Who Loves Darwin Says:

    As even folks in the fifties knew, peaceful aliens worried about what humans could do to muck up the galaxy would probably be far more worried about our discovery of the power of the atom than us shitting up the planet we all live on.

    If you’re worried about humans, I don’t think you need to bother nuking us from orbit. We’re doing in ourselves just fine.

  4. Sebastiano Who Loves Darwin Says:

    (And yes, it does appear NASA has way too much free time).

  5. DirtCrashr Says:

    And they think Aliens will actually care??? WTF talk about crazy – first they worried that Europeans hated GWB – and us too, and now they worry Aliens might also???
    Worried about puny little Nukes and Eco-poop, as if the planet itself wasn’t trying to exterminate us at every opportunity with volcanoes and earthquakes and a host of cataclysms up its sleeve?

  6. Drake Says:

    The dirt-worshippers and greens are so smug as to think that every person should think like they do, so its not a shock they would be so arrogant as to believe all species anywhere in the universe would behave likewise. Scalzi and Ringo would have a field day with them.

    I remember the days of Carl Sagan and his naivete. When NASA foolishly sent Voyager with a gold plated map of our location and general anatomy. Here’s where we are, here is our precious metal, here is how to kill us. Brilliant.

    Should have fooled them like we are all Godzilla sized xeno-rapists and draw it on lead.

  7. Matthew Carberry Says:

    Standard “we know better than you” petulence from elites who aren’t being listened to on what is best for the rest of us.

    They can’t convince with their argument so they look for a source of authority to appeal to.

    When those are ignored they look for an authority with power to force compliance.

    Since the UN is impotent and Jesus isn’t on their side (no matter how much they want to make him a big government socialist) they are reaching out to ET to finally provide boots on the ground to enforce their will.

  8. Sebastiano Who Loves Darwin Says:

    Matthew Carberry, thank you for that brilliant insight into the mind of the paranoid delusional.

  9. Chas Says:

    Our ruling class is depraved.

  10. Stuart the Viking Says:

    I for one will welcome our alien, pollution-hating gaia loving overloards! Finally something NEW to shoot at!

    s

  11. Chas Says:

    If they’re intelligent enough to be able to get here in the first place, then they’re more likely to slaughter us for offending their advanced sensibilities by being so foolish as to fund NASA idiocy, believing in AGW, and voting for Obama.

    It’s a cultural mirror. Fill in the blank: “Aliens from another planet will be most likely to kill us for _______.”

    Obama’s NASA fills it in with “AGW”, but many of us might be inclined to fill it in with “Obama”.

  12. Sebastiano Who Loves Darwin Says:

    Yeah, I’m sure they’re going to look at people like Stephen Hawking and their adherence to AGW as reality as way worse than the shit you read in comments sections on blogs.

    That’s amusing as fuck. Any other knee slappers?

  13. Kevin S Says:

    This is the best global warming argument yet. Very entertaining. At least they’re getting a little more creative. Or at least, reaching a little further up their ass to pull out such nuggets.

  14. Matthew Carberry Says:

    @Sebastiano

    “Paranoid delusional”? The voices in my head have made it quite clear there are people out to get me. =)

    The final sentence was snark. The first three simply observations of how people with a non-constrained worldview traditionally operate.

    Note I made no express statement on the “correctness” of AGW at all, as one was not necessary for the purpose.

  15. Jennifer Says:

    Now I know the world is ending. I linked something before SayUncle!
    You should know, the aliens are showing up in China already;)

  16. matt d Says:

    Yeah, those aliens are going to look around at us shutting down nuclear power plants and driving around in dinosaur-powered cars, and be just terrified of the threat we pose.

    I remember an old SNL skit where low-tech aliens had found a spaceship somewhere and came to earth to awe us with the terrifying power of their muskets.

    Like that, only in reverse.

  17. Stretch Says:

    JFCOAPS! That’s one NASA scientist who took too many rides on the centrifuge.
    Any Space Aliens attacking Earth better not land in Louisiana. Those crazy Cajuns will kill and eat ANYTHING!

  18. Chas Says:

    Wouldn’t NASA rocket launches be more likely to be construed as ballistic threats by paranoid, hoplophobic aliens? They might have been holding their fire so far, but they could still decide to shoot back and wipe us out. We’d better play it safe and zero out NASA’s budget just to be sure that they don’t.
    The scary fairytale game can cut both ways.

  19. DirtCrashr Says:

    Aliens Care? I can see it now, a big Gannett billboard with an Alien on a scenic bluff overlooking a scenic valley shedding a tear against a sunset background… (While the earth burns in flames!! Because they set the Human Bar-B-Que alight!!)

    Think the Aliens give an alien-excretion about The Disabled Science-Monk-Hero-God-Sorta-Walks (not)-Among-Us Stephen Hawking, AND about Global Warming?? *CHING!* Personalities and Eco-intervention!! That’s why they’ve come here, fior TV!!
    The argument has descending into the Pliocene – what caliber for alien? This is really gettin’ fun!

  20. Chas Says:

    Alien #1: Nice to see their planet warming up for them. They must have been quite cold during their ice age.

    Alien #2: Yes, they were cold then, but they’re such conceited little monsters now that they imagine themselves to be the source of the warming. They don’t understand that it’s a natural process, independent of themselves. Some of them are even trying to use the idea that they’re causing it themselves, in some sort of religious fervor-like attempt to enslave others to their will. One of them in particular, with the horrible name of “Al Gore”, which sounds like an Arab term for mass slaughter, has been especially nasty and devious in promoting the idea. Not surprisingly, he’s a politician who seeks to benefit from the enslavement of his people, and unfortunately, he has many followers.

    Alien #1: Well, if their disposition is that vile, perhaps we ought to simply do away with them.

    Alien #2: Yes, they’ve become a threat. We don’t want our civilization to become contaminated with such depravity and perversity; the obsession with the domination of others. If this “Al Gore”, or someone like him, should ever get loose on our planet, we might revert to the endless cycles of chaos and bloodshed, of brutal government repression and violent resistance from which we freed ourselves so long ago. Press the annihilator button. Free us from the danger.

    Alien #1: Done. They’re all gone now.

    Alien #2: Good, and good riddance to them.

  21. HerrBGone Says:

    Resistance is futile. You will all drive a Prius.

  22. treefroggy Says:

    Obama ?
    Alien ?
    Destroy ?
    Earth ?

    It’s settled science. Film at 11.

  23. Lyle Says:

    I call bullshit right from the get go. Earth’s CO2 levels have been vastly greater if you go back hundreds of million years, and that would have allowed technological civilizations in even other galaxies to observe our spectra from their home planets by now. Assuming they gave a crap for some as yet unexplained reason, they should be aware that such concentrations are often entirely natural anyway.

    Our current industrial civilization is only a little over 100 years old, and that would have allowed only a small fraction of our own galaxy, which is about 100,000 light years across, to “see” our very slight CO2 rise using passive observation from home planets.

    Anyway; the whole subject is retarded, just like the enviro-Fascist movement that brought it up.

    I guess referencing European law isn’t good enough for the left now, so we have to invoke theoretical alien species law.

  24. comatus Says:

    Omigosh Stretch, do you remember the one about all the aliens coming to North Florida to buy moonshine, because they were alcohol eaters? Tell your cousins to hold their fire — these fellows may be on our side.

    Lyle, the Watt engine is around 1775. I think you could be charitable and give “current industrial civilization” 200 years — a slower blink of the eye. When London became dark and satanic from all that coal, it was actually an improvement in air quality. Don’t you wonder what surviving the Little Ice Age would have been like with nothing to burn but green timber? Should have been enough to get even an alien’s attention.

  25. gene Says:

    Why would aliens be interested in humans? — Because we show them every day on the news just how efficient we are at killing each other.

  26. Beaumont Says:

    In the mass (delusional) media, it appears that the concept of the Friendly Space Brothers is kaput. If E.T showed up today, the greenies would pillory him for excessive CO2 emissions caused by eating candy.

  27. SouthpawByNW Says:

    I think aliens would be more concerned with our radio garbage we spew out into space on a daily basis. Think of a new race seeing humans for the first time and it just happens to be a re-run of Jersey Shore. That would be more frightening than any CO2 levels I’d think.

  28. Zendo Deb Says:

    Somebody must have just gotten a DVD copy of the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. (Of course the remake has nothing to do with standing still, and less to do with acting than original. But then what do you expect from K. Reaves?)

  29. avidus Says:

    The worst part for me is that our environmentalist NASA scientist, who after further investigation actually turns out to be a doctoral student at NASA, didn’t even have an original idea.

    British sci-fi writer Karen Travis wrote a five book series about hard core leftist environmentalist vegans who come to Earth to re-order the planet by turning everyone into vegans, stopping global warming and reducing the planet’s population down to 1.5B through bio-weapons.

    If you’re going to lie about being a NASA scientist and make up nonsense to serve your political ideals, let’s at least make up original nonsense.

  30. Oscar Says:

    Remember, folks: there is ABSOLUTELY no room (no room, I tell you!!!) for cuts in federal government spending. Every single penny is ABSOLUTELY necessary to prevent the country from sliding into the abyss.

    Let’s add it up, shall we? First, we know that NASA’s current prime mission is “Muslim outreach”. Two, We know that NASA has retired the Shuttle and scrapped its shuttle program (in future, we will have to beg rides from the Russians). Third, NASA is now spending money on this pathetic excuse for a B-movie plot. Should we then conclude that NASA is out of the space mission altogether? If so, why are we funding this “space” agency?