The Airing of Grievances: Miscellaneous
To Nintendo: Seriously, guys, make more Wiis. I want one but I’m not standing in a line or calling Wal-Mart every day to get one. I got money. Get me a Wii.
To Illness: Go away. I swear, ’tis the season for sick kids with winter and daycare. Can we get at least a week’s break? I’d like to sleep for more than two hours at a stretch.
Sweaters: They’re scratchy and fit too snuggly for me. I hate them. But, every year, the wife buys me one. Stop.
The dude up the street: get on the Scott’s lawn-care program or something. Your lawn looks like a cross between a desert and the jungle. Some parts of it are solid dirt and other parts are bushier that Madonna’s pits from her 1980s Playboy spread.
To hypersensitive, politically-correct twits: Don’t you have better shit to do?
To Sanford: Do you just not make erasers for my 0.9MM mechanical pencil anymore?
To Windows Rescue & Recovery: You’re useless. Backing up my hard drive on, err, my hard drive is real fucking smart.