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Gs Up, Hoes down

G = Guns

We got some snakes. Our new lot lines up to a field and a creek. So, it’s not surprising we’d have some legless lotmates. The Mrs. hates snakes. I step outside on the back-porch with The Second this Sunday to see Politically Incorrect Dog engaged in an epic battle with what is probably the biggest black snake I’ve ever seen (I’m guessing it was a good four feet long). And by epic battle, I mean Politically Incorrect Dog is playing with it as though it were some sort of self-propelled stick to be fetched and released and fetched again. I call the dog in, put The Second down, alert the Mrs., and get the Walther P22. I don’t mind black snakes as they eat vermin (including other snakes) and are not venomous. But at the time I was not 100% sure that’s what it was. And I’m not risking a 0.01% that I am wrong. I get back out and he’s gone. Not a trace. I was almost convinced he was gone never to return and then it occurred to me he might be in the dog house. Crap. Well, I’m not crawling in there looking for him. So, I get a garden hoe and attach a mirror to it so I can look around the corner (yes, the dog house I built has rooms – gotta keep the wind out, ya know). No snake. And no snake killed. It’s win-win.

The second snake wasn’t so lucky. Yesterday, I was at work and the Mrs. called to tell me she just hacked a brown spotted snake (her description – I have not yet examined the carcass to determine what kind it is but I’m guessing copperhead) to death with a hoe. Again, with the hoes. She said she was out in the yard checking something and noticed the gnarly, 2 feet long beastie and wasn’t taking any chances. So, she went to the garage, grabbed the hoe, and hacked him into bits. She said she was wearing shorts and flip-flops and, in between hacks, was dodging an understandably annoyed snake.

I say to her: I’ve gotta get you to the range. The old Walther P22 would have dispatched the alleged copperhead with minimal fuss and risk.

9 Responses to “Gs Up, Hoes down”

  1. Rustmeister Says:

    A .410 is ideal for that kinda stuff.

  2. Les Jones Says:

    I’d rather have a hoe or shovel than a gun. I killed three rattlesnakes that way on the Schaffer ranch when they were in our campsite and study area. You just cut their heads off.

  3. chuck from redneckin Says:

    I like the .38 airweight with shotshells for poisionious snakes and other vermin, especially after mis-dealing with this bad boy

  4. Jay G Says:

    Nah, you need a Ruger Super Blackhawk .44 Mag with snakeshot. Lets the survivors know who’s boss… 😉

  5. drstrangegun Says:

    If it stank afterwards, it was a copperhead.

  6. Ron W Says:

    I hear it’s illegal to kill any snake in Tennessee. I think you should be able to do it though if you are in danger of serious bodily injury or death—just like you’d do to the two-legged kind.

  7. countertop Says:

    Uncle,

    12 Guage. Works fine. Though I agree with Les, a well placed strike with a shovel or a hoe has a much more effective guillotine effect.

    Ron W,

    Huh??? Thats outrageous.

  8. chris Says:

    Don’t cross your wife.

    She is fearless and quite resourceful.

    My money is on her.

  9. Sendarius Says:

    Don’t use a hoe or shovel, they only touch the ground at one point, and the snake’s body has to be at that point for any effect – otherwise it is a miss.

    Get a length of chain (fairly heavy) and attach it to a wooden handle. When you swing the chain overhand and down onto the snake, it touches the ground along the entire length because the chain flexes and conforms to the ground. No need for accuracy for a solid hit.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

Uncle Pays the Bills

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