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Women and porn

Michelle attempts to set the record straight on the analogy that home improvement programs are like porn to women. This got me to thinking about porn and what it really is for men. Unlike the posts linked above, I’m actually going to write about porn. This post will use crude language and likely be offensive to some. If you’re easily offended, don’t click below (and no, I’m not posting any porn).

Now that the prudes are gone and you’ve made it this far, I can assume you’re somewhat familiar with porn. For the record, I’m OK with porn. I like some of it but some is just icky. Porn is obviously marketed to men. Porn marketed toward women is typically soft core porn and can be seen at 2 in the morning on Cinemax or on the Playboy Channel. In other words, it’s not porn and I’m not sure most women even like it. As far as I can tell, its only purpose is to have some sort of porn men can watch with women, who may be offended by regular porn, that won’t make women nauseous.

Men, in my opinion, derive more stimulation visually than women. I think women derive more stimulation from feeling (meaning emotion) and touch (meaning what you thought I meant by feeling). Though visual stimulation may affect women sexually, I tend to think it lacks the staying power that it has on men. Or as Erica Jong put it on the topic of watching porn:

After the first 10 minutes I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.

Porn provides men that visual stimulation. In many cases, the visual stimulation is lacking in a man’s own sex life. It’s true. Just about every guy has dated the girl who demands that the lights are off during sex or that you wear a blindfold (and not in the fun way) either because she feels uncomfortable or self-conscious. We like to watch, ladies. It does a lot for us.

Men, being the ego-driven dominating type people we are, also have the occasional desire for the woman to assume a subservient sort of position (hehe, he said position) or participate in an act that indicates male dominance. This desire is shown in great detail in porn. The classic exhibit A is the cum shot. Presumably, since porn is for men, you would think that it’s focus would be on women and their bodies. It is not (unless you get some all lesbian porn; ask any guy and he’ll tell you lesbian porn is only good for about one scene and then it’s boring), it’s about stroking (hehe, he said stroking) a collective male ego. In addition to the money shot, there is a lot of oral sex in porn. I’m sure the blowjob to cunnilingus scene ratio in porn is at least 9:1. This ratio is not because men like looking at other men’s throbbing man meat, it’s because they like to see pretty women do nasty (and I don’t mean that in the unclean sort of way but the hot sex sort of way) things. And, to be clear, I’m not saying oral sex is inherently submissive or degrading but the manner in which it is typically portrayed in porn (i.e., man standing, woman on knees, while man makes obscene comments) relays just that message.

A disturbing trend in porn I’ve seen lately is that these submissive acts are evolving into some extremely odd and degrading things. I have never once had a desire to spit on (or in) anyone. I’m unsure why this is suddenly popping up other than as another means to increase the level of degradation that men see in porn. Also, when did Penthouse (and others) get on this whole pissing kick? I don’t want to piss on anyone. I don’t want to be pissed on. And I don’t have a desire to watch people piss. For the record, I don’t want to see or participate in spitting either. Gagging and choking is another trend I’ve seen too. And, of course, the pinnacle of degradation to women: Bukkake. An entire scene of multitudes of men lining up to ejaculate on a woman. I personally don’t get it and wonder who sits around and thinks this stuff up.

The effect this can have on men is unrealistic expectations. As an example: The other night, TiVo picked up the program Cat House on HBO. The show is basically an inside look at a legal brothel that operates in Nevada. The first scene involved interviewing a customer who was in a hot tub with two hookers (why someone would go to a brothel and then agree to be interviewed about it puzzles me) and asking him what he bought. The man, and I’m paraphrasing, said:

Well, I fucked her (hooker a). Then I fucked her (hooker b) in the ass. Then I watched them have sex. Then they both took turns sucking my dick and I came all over their faces.

The man then said (and I am not making this up) that he lacked experience with sex and that he came there to get some experience. I think he really believed he was getting valuable experience rather than just, you know, laid. Apparently, the man’s exposure to sex was limited to porn. How would you explain his request of the two hookers? His request was straight out of Porn 101. And this is to get valuable experience? I would like to be a fly on the wall (preferably a blind one) when this guy meets Mrs. Right and they have sex the first time. He may be shocked to learn that Mrs. Right didn’t bring a friend; may not have the desire to take it up the ass; and probably doesn’t want him blowing a load on her face. Yet, porn likely led to (or at least reinforced) this expectation and his hooker experience definitely compounded it. I feel sorry for Mrs. Right, unless of course she’s into that sort of thing. Then it’s OK. But if I were to play the odds, I’d say she’s not into those things.

All that said, I think porn is healthy. The fact it may lead to unrealistic expectations may be problematic for some men. I’m certain the occasional sex crime has been committed due to some weirdo attempting to live out his porn-based fantasy. I don’t think that because it is degrading to women that it should be banned or that it is bad (unless, of course, the women are being forced to do it). I think it’s normal for men to want to see it.

As a side note to illustrate the impact of porn, I once met a porn starlet named Selena Steele at a buddy’s bachelor party. She told me a joke and I’ll repeat it here now:

How do you make a woman scream twice?

Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on her curtains.

I guess she thought men like to hear stuff like that.

So, that’s why men like porn. Or if you want the short version: we like dirty pictures.

6 Responses to “Women and porn”

  1. Thibodeaux Says:

    That joke cracked me up.

  2. Manish Says:

    I’ve heard that joke as “How do you get Martha Stewart to scream twice?” and this was long before the current insider trading stuff.

  3. mike hollihan Says:

    Bukkake is a Japanese invention, and that tells you all you’d want to know about Japanese male culture’s view of women. Go looking for hentai, and be prepared to be shocked and sickened.

    As for “porn.” It’s related to real sex the same way any Hollywood movie is related to “real life.” “Porn” is a product marketed by businesses. It’s not about elevating values and ideals — that doesn’t sell. It’s about appealing to the most prurient and self-aggrandising parts of our natures. Most men are at least a little insecure sexually, so “porn” aims to reassure men through images of domination and subjugation. That’s what sells.

  4. SayUncle Says:

    I’ve seen the japanese porn, mike. It’s disturbing though not as disturbing as german porn.

  5. tgirsch Says:

    I’ve never had much interest in porn. This isn’t to say that I’ve never looked at it, I just don’t generally go out of my way for it. I’ve found that I have a very short porn-attention-span. This is why I think the Internet is the perfect vehicle for porn — all the free clips are 30 seconds or less, and that’s pretty much in line with my (lack of) attention span. 😉

  6. Fox Says:

    Of course, I am almost forced to make a reply to all this in defense of women… or rather not. I was raised in a sort of tom-boyish fashion, so I don’t really think of things the way some of my female friends and coworkers might. Now, I’m not saying that I would enjoy most of what is seen in today’s porn, but I personally have no problem watching it. Alternatively, I know that far too many of my female companions would consider it all rather disgusting.

After several weeks of taking Viagra, I got used to it and took the drug only on the weekends. Noticing the changes, my girlfriend started to ask me why I'm so active on weekends. I had to honestly confess everything. She was not upset but supported me. So thanks to Viagra, I made sure that I'm loved just like the way I am.