Ammo For Sale

October 09, 2015

Vacation Reruns: SayUncle v. The Light Nazi

From 2002.

I have a few pet names for my lovely wife, such as sweetie and honey. I also refer to her, at least weekly, as the light nazi. My wife has this superpower to detect wasted electricity almost instantaneously. For example, if I leave a light on and exit the room, she immediately hones in on the room using her bizarre extrasensory capabilities (seriously, the Department of Homeland Security could probably use her to detect unusual electrical fluctuations). Upon her discovery that I am heating the neighborhood or letting the flies out, Im in for a quick reminder to turn out lights and shut doors.

One problem I have with her ability is the fanatical zeal in which she enforces her duties as the sworn protector of home electrical efficiency. Another example: when I am in our office and have the lights on then decide Id like a refreshing beverage, by the time I return from the kitchen the lights are off in the office. Also, in her zeal, she has turned lights off on me while Im still in the room reading. She seems so obsessed with saving that quarter that she occasionally fails to notice that someone is actually benefiting from the use of the electricity in question.

My wife apparently has been saving up all this electricity usage for the holidays. Every year, me and the wife also get into an argument over Christmas decorations. The argument stems from the fact she wants to put the decorations up right after Labor Day. Whereas, I prefer them to be put up about the second week of December. This past weekend, satisfied that she had saved up enough electricity to warrant decorating for the holidays, yours truly wound up doing a lot of work in preparation for the upcoming holidays. Until this past week, the wife and I were the only ones living in our subdivision. We just got a new neighbor so I suppose the new neighbor was the cause of the tackiness that is holiday decorations. Since, other than us, hell be the only one to see them. Unless of course people start driving down a new subdivision to look at houses in the dark.

On Saturday, the wife and I pulled all the holiday knickknacks out of the attic and started decorating the house. I argued about it less this year than ever. I basically said honey, its not even Thanksgiving yet? and she replied with but Thanksgiving is late this year. I shrugged and said Oh. Learned helplessness has finally set in. I can just agree and do it quicker than I can disagree, argue, and wind up doing it anyway. Ah, the holiday spirit.

We put out our Frosty the Snowman salt and pepper shakers, put up our Christmas tree, put a Nativity scene on the mantle, and put out all the other stuff from the eight boxes that were in our attic labeled Christmas. This took up half our day.

Sunday rolls around, and I find out the wife had bought about nine boxes of icicle lights. Yours truly was then taken to task to take said nine boxes of lights (at 300 lights per box) and trim the house with them. A friend came by to help. Fortunately for me, my friend had done this before. I hadnt.

Your average SayUncle is about six feet, one inch tall and weighs about 170 pounds. Your average SayUncle is also lethargic on the weekends. And your average SayUncles natural habitat is some primitive, oblong, leather bedding (commonly referred to as a couch) where the SayUncle stalks its prey, the elusive Sam Adams and the only slightly less-elusive rum and Coke. Your average SayUncle is also poorly equipped for climbing steep inclines, which is a required skill when hanging 2,700 icicle lights. The reason the average SayUncle is so poorly equipped for climbing is because the largely sedentary SayUncle often catches several Sam Adams or rum and Cokes per day on the weekends, in between naps of course. Mind you, the only known SayUncle in existence hasnt lived in its natural habitat since it wed the SayAuntie, who is hell bent on destroying the SayUncles natural habitat.

The friend shows up. We put the ladder up to the house and he climbs up. Then I climb up. I realize in about five seconds that my boots are poorly equipped for walking on the roof. You need something that allows you to bend your ankles. It was also at this point that I realized Id never really used a ladder to climb on a roof before. And that I didnt really know how to get from the roof to the ladder, and subsequently to the ground, safely. After my friends instruction, I figured the whole ladder thing out, climbed down, and put on some sneakers. Then its back up the ladder to discover my friend had already placed one box of lights. Then, I cut myself on the gutters. I refuse to climb down and am content to finish the job while bleeding on the hangers. We then develop a system in which I place the hangers and my friend inserts the icicle lights into the hangers. About three hours later (when its dark, but were working with lights so . . ) were done.

I call the wife. The friend calls his wife. And we all stand around outside looking out over our icicle lights and the lighted garland on the porch. My wife looks me lovingly in the eyes and smiles, shes happy. I look at her and smile. The whole time thinking that we will waste more electricity on these Christmas lights this year than I will waste by leaving lights on for the rest of my life. Also, I hope our only neighbor appreciates the holiday display because I dont think anyone else is going to be driving by our subdivision to look at our lights. I put my arm around my wife and smile again because I know that I’m bleeding on her holiday sweater.

With the light nazi appeased, the SayUncle was allowed briefly to return to his natural habitat before bedtime.

Happy holidays!

October 08, 2015

Vacation Reruns: It came with the penis

From 2003:

There are a few things my loyal readers should know. One of which is that I have a penis. This is not a post about me having a particularly extraordinary penis but a report on how the penis affects thinking and cognition. Penis-bearing beings have several deficiencies but Im only discussing one of those deficiencies today. Apparently, a penis affects visual capabilities, particularly color recognition. A human being with a penis can only distinguish about eight or so colors, even though according to Windows 2000 there are at least 24 million colors (all of which are distinguishable to entities that do not have penises). More interesting is the fact that the amount of time devoted to the penis is inversely proportionate to the number of colors distinguishable. For example, my pup spends a great deal of his time engaging in the following activities:

Showing his penis to our other dog.
Showing his penis to me and the wife.
Sniffing his penis.
Showing his penis to any strangers that may be near.
Licking his penis.
Pointing his penis in the direction of the Sun.

The result of all this attention to his penis is that he only sees in black and white. My conclusion is not based on any scientific evidence but merely the fact that he seems not at all impressed by my 60 inch color television. A friend of mine used to have a Labrador. This Labrador was not particularly smart as he could do only one trick. The command for this trick was Show me your dude and Ill let you guess what followed. Later this Labrador was hit by a car and Im convinced that the reason he was hit by a car was because he was completely blind from showing people his dude all the time (even the neighborhood kids picked up on it).

This past weekend, the wife and I cancelled our vacation (damn SARS!) and decided to spend our time painting the master bedroom and the master bath. I hate painting for two reasons: 1) I dont enjoy it and 2) I suck at it. If youre marriage can survive the painting experience, you will enjoy a long life together. If not, one of you will be dead.

Prior to this weekend, our master bedroom was a color called China Doll. Now, every penis-bearing person reading this is thinking China Doll is not a color, its an oriental figurine or the name of a porn star. See, China Doll is a very, very light shade of brown or possibly a dark shade of white. There is some debate in the scientific world of color evaluation as to what color it really is. We (and by we, I mean the wife) decided that we needed to change from China Doll to Apple Butter. Again, penis-bearing individuals are thinking that Apple Butter is something you put on biscuits or the name of a porn star. Apple Butter is a slightly darker shade of brown (or possibly white, were still not sure) than China Doll.

Also confusing to penis-laden individuals is why there is a need to change one shade of brown (or possibly white) to a slightly different shade of brown (or possibly white). The reason for this is only known to non-penis-laden individuals. After the wife made the first stroke with the roller, I said I cant see the difference and her response was Youre blind.

This time, the wife and I managed to paint two rooms without getting divorced or killing each other. The last time we painted, we were at each others throats the entire time. It got so bad that I pondered whether or not a psychiatrist could convincingly testify in court to the fact that inhalation of paint fumes combined with indistinguishable shades of brown (or possibly white) could cause temporary insanity in particular penis-bearing individuals.

Next up was the bathroom (which was China Doll as well). The new color for the bathroom is Savannah Moss, which again penis-bearing individuals are thinking Thats not a color, thats a fungus in Georgia or a porn star. Savannah Moss is light shade of green (or possibly white). This time, however, I could distinctly see the difference between Savannah Moss and China Doll.

Next weekend, the wife and I need two new porn stars to do the guest rooms.

October 07, 2015

Vacation Reruns: Instant libertarian, just add capitalism and bureaucracy

So simple kids get it

Couple of weekends ago, our neighborhood had a garage sale. We set out to rid our home of various useless crap. Being neighborhood wide, we had hundreds of people come through. Junior gets the brilliant idea that, since these shoppers are in the hood for a long time, some of them must be thirsty and they’ll buy lemonade. She makes up a pitcher and sells out quick at a $1 a pop. On her second pitcher, I introduce some reality:

Me: So, for every lemonade you sell, you know I get fifty cents, right?

Junior: What?

Me: Well, you’re using my water, my lemonade, my cups, my sugar, my table, my chair and you’re on my driveway.

Junior: But I’m doing the work!

Me: With my stuff.

Wife: Oh stop it.

Me: I’m just trying to teach her something.

Junior: Oh.

Me: And you’ve got to pay taxes. I’d figure if you’re selling it for an even dollar 8 cents or so should cover sales tax. Then F&E taxes. And income taxes. Plus you probably need a permit and an inspection to make sure there are no cooties in your lemonade. And you’ll probably have to buy some sort of approved device for maintaining the lemonade at a safe temperature.

Junior: It’s called ICE.

Me: Yeah, but it melts.

Junior: That’s stupid. I’m keeping the money.

Me: Good girl! But you’re still paying me.

Junior: *evil stare*

October 06, 2015

Vacation Reruns: I know you are but what am I?

The kids were, as they often do, having one of their nonsensical arguments. I forgot what it was about but it probably involved stop touching me, get on your side of the couch or some other thing kids have fought about for just about ever. I tell them to knock it off and then, thinking I thought it, I instead said I can’t believe you guys argue about the dumbest crap. Junior then pipes up: You argue about dumb crap too. Thinking she may have heard about my blog, I say Oh do I?

Her: Yes, you argue about dumb crap too.

Me: No I don’t. And don’t say crap.

Her: Oh, yes, you do.

Me: When have I argued about dumb stuff?

Her: Always.

Me: I do not.

Her: Uh huh.

Me: Oh please.

Her: You’re arguing about dumb stuff right now.

Me: Well played, Sparky.

And I laughed hard. I was both taken aback and proud that I was outsmarted by my 7 year-old daughter. Still brings a smile to my face.

Update: Rage comic by Michael:


What caliber for Turks and Caicos?

Heading to an unsecure and, I guess now, disclosed location. Blogging will be sporadic. May queue up some re-runs.

It’s interesting to me that I did some research on the place and, of course, guns are banned as are pocket knives and pepper spray. It is apparently common for the locals to keep hornet spray to fend off invaders. I find that amusing. Of course, they are subjects.

Looking at the weather, it may be an interesting trip.

October 05, 2015

Recycling is garbage

According to John Tierney. There are only a few things that are economically practical to recycle (aluminum and cardboard come to mind) and the rest is cost prohibitive. Even The City (My The City) acts this way. See, we have a local recycling center ran by The City (My The City). When you show up, you have to show ID proving you are a resident, or else they won’t let you drop it off. If recycling is good and profitable, why would they turn anyone away?


Via the captain, comes this. A woman identifies as blind. So, her psychologist helps her pour drain cleaner in her eyes to blind her. Look, I understand some people are crazy. But a psychologist confirming that crazy and then blinding that woman is absolutely disgusting.

Gun Control is racist

Even more so than the drug war

Seems to be a tenant of the administration as a whole

Is Barack Obama correct that mass killings don’t happen in other countries? Mostly false

Having solved all of the county’s problems

Let’s pass a law that, well, I’ll just quote the local news rag:

Miller, who represents District 4, is sponsoring a resolution asking that the Supreme Being pass us by in His coming wrath and not destroy our county as he did Sodom and Gomorrah and the neighboring cities because of the June 26 opinion by the U.S. Supreme Court that legalized same-sex marriage throughout the nation.

Mass murderers v. armed citizens

Do civilians with guns ever stop mass shootings? Yes.

I’ve been compiling a list as well.

More Oregon shooting stuff

PDB remembers he has a blog:

I dont have any real answers or policy suggestions except to note that where were heading doesnt appear to offer much of a solution either. Carry your guns.


I am no longer interested in debating jackasses, whores and liars. I am tired of people threatening the lives of my friends, my family and myself, as we saw on Twitter yesterday, hoping to chum up another psychopath.

Clinton to unveil gun controls:

Clinton proposed a repeal of legislation that shields gun manufacturers, distributors and dealers from most liability suits, even in the case of mass shootings like the one that killed nine people at a community college on Thursday.

So, then we could sue car makers whenever someone drunk takes out a family of four?

Also, someone is circulating this photo showing CNN made the shooter look white. Given the source, unless I see the actual CNN piece, it’s hooey.

Gun Porn


19ByGod11 report and pics.

.458 Socom Full-Auto Expensive & Awesome

October 02, 2015

Listen to the experts

Truth. Sadly, real experts rarely get their own TeeVee show.


27 ways to be a modern man:

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesnt own one, and he never will.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

Anyone taking advice on being a man from that piece, egad.

Well, when you take poor legal advice from charlatans

You kind of have it coming: We Lost Our Daughter to a Mass Shooter and Now Owe $203,000 to His Ammo Dealer

Oregon shooting stuff

Having just passed all that gun control, there was still a school shooting. He was targeting Christians. Reports came in saying he was a conservative, a Nazi, racist, and had ties to some sort of Muslim group. I’ve yet to see any of those confirmed.

Obama says mass shootings are something we should politicize. While surrounding himself with armed guards, he says we could use some simple laws to prevent that type of shooting but doesn’t name any.

A carry permit holder was prevented from intervening.

And a hero was shot trying to tackle the killer. Good on you, sir.

Never built one, been meaning to try

Building an AR Upper the first and the second.

Gun Porn

Shoot 1,000 yards for $1,000

AR-15 Hammer Bottle Opener

October 01, 2015


Looks like they deck out S&W M&Ps. Neat looking.

Bear Spray

Woman thanks bear for not eating kayak. Bear approaches, she hits it with bear spray. Bear then eats kayak:

That’s why I use the Smith and Wesson brand of bear spray.

Good for Chris Christie

He pardoned people who made the mistake of thinking they were still in America. If you’re going to pardon so many for ridiculous gun law violations, maybe you could work to just get rid of those stupid laws?

ATF agent faces charges

Seems he drew his gun on crowd of people at a football game, after beating a man.

Blaser News

Blaser is getting their social media on.


The AP: Lax laws prevented the agency from effectively targeting the flow guns across the border. Then, they mention fast and furious. Are they that clueless?

Democrat staffers planted 60 Minutes with questions.

This report is not for white men.

The endarkenment

It’s a good reason to own guns.

Another school shooting

This time, in Oregon. In another gun free zone. And he may have posted about it on 4chan.

As with any incident like this, I’m guessing most things that have come out so far are substantially wrong. We’ll see.

Gun Porn

Fetish edition.

Malyuk bullpup


September 30, 2015

Shot Glasses

These are pretty darn cool:


In Knoxville

The TFA is suing the city over its arbitrary ban on guns in Chilhowee Park, which the city claims is not a park despite being named something ending with Park.

Remember, I do this to entertain me, not you.

Uncle Pays the Bills

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